No more bs.

That's it. I'm done with that fella. I'm so sick of being nice to him.

He's not a nice person. He's an asshole. A major one. I'm serious.

Well, I might continue to be nice... but I am not initiating anymore conversation with him, that's for sure.

He was all, you're so sweet, katy, and I'm so lucky to have a friend like you...

bullshit. Fuck you. Don't call me sweet. DON'T call me your friend. Ugh. I dunno why I'm so pissed off. Probably because... he doesn't like me anymore. :P

It was just... nice having someone who liked me. Actually like me.. it was new. And weird. And... I dunno.

He was very creepy though. Creepier than I. I never get caught while stalking people... he's such an amateur. So yes. Bye, Collin. No more talking of you. Ever again. ...we can only pray. :P I was so cold to him too... hahahaha. Yay me. I think he gave me like 2 emoticon hugs... I totally ignored them. WOO.

I need to stop torturing myself like this. I should just go to bed. Or go read. Or go cry... life sucks. It really does. :P Not because no one likes me... it's just... I'm really getting up there in age, and I don't want to. Sigh. Nevermind... I'll discuss it later, perhaps.

Omg...

Do I ever feel retarded or what.

I'm totally obsessing over Collin.. probably because he's... I dunno. Giving me the silent treatment for some unknown reason. It kinda hurts...

What should I care though? I shouldn't. I don't like him. I don't. I do a little. But he's an ass.

I'd be talking to Kevin but he's not online... so... yeah... heh... I could email him... hmm. But I probably shouldn't. I'm just feeling unloved. :P

Sigh. Heh.

An Inconvenient Truth

Yessss! I went the whole day without talking to Collin. :P Cuz he's not online now. Otherwise I'd be rambling on about... nothing in particular. But whatever. It's probably a good thing he's not. Yeah. It is.

Anyway.

I saw 'An Inconvenient Truth' this evening with my mother. And now I'm rethinking buying a new car... and instead just traveling around the world. Seeing everything before it's all gone... in 50 years. :P

That movie made me so sad. Especially when they showed the computerized polar bear swimming and trying to climb onto an iceberg, but it kept breaking... sniff.

I, honestly, don't care what happens to humans. We're all assholes. But animals. I care about. And I do not like killing them... even if it's not all just my fault.

In my opinion, humans deserve whatever comes to them. Okay, maybe not. I'm being way too dramatic. But you know what I mean? Animals didn't build the Hummer. GM, you bastard. :P By the way, I need to see 'Who Killed the Electric Car'.

I'm so depressed... and have no idea what I can do... that would actually make a difference. Do I really want to make a difference? Do I really want to make the world better for my children? Am I even going to have children? God... this whole thing. Just... is expanding my mind too much. :P

It's sad though, and I feel so bad about everything that's going on in the world. And how I live in my own little... bubble, basically. I should care more. But I mean... I'm almost 20. I'm supposed to only care about myself. :P ...right? That's normal... right? I'm joking... sorta.

I believe that everyone should treat each other with respect. I believe that Florida did elect Al Gore. :P Hehe... sigh. I wonder how different the world would be if that were true... Probably not that much different. The US would be in accordance with Kyoto... that I know. I don't get it. Why is the world so corrupt? Why do people care more about money than they do the world they live in? Man. That movie sucked me in. Because it's true. And... I love documentary type dealies... and they always get to me. Heh...

I just... don't know what to do. I probably won't be driving even halfway to school tomorrow. But... Sam Jackson's on the Daily Show tomorrow again... talkin' bout motherfuckin snakes on a motherfuckin plane! Hmm. I might drive halfway. My car barely uses any gas. And when that tank gets empty, I am not filling up again until it goes back down to like... 82. Or preferably 72. It's gone down to 1.05. Ridiculous. For a litre of gas. Fuck me. It was at 1.15. That's more than it was when Katrina hit.

Fuck the world. We all deserve to shrivel up and die. I'm joking. Most of them do. Not I, nor you, of course. But... you know. Those people... yeah, them.

Trey Parker... sigh. :P

Hahaha.

I heart the soundtrack for Cannibal: The Musical! :P

Such great hits as: Shpadoinkle, That's All I'm Asking For, Let's Build a Snowman, and When I Was On Top of You... brilliant.

It's a movie by Trey Parker. :P I love his song writing abilities. The soundtrack for Team America is awesome too. Same with the South Park movie... man. I wanna live in his head.

Yeah. I watched South Park tonight, and at the end the little diddy is from Cannibal. With the braniff logo... the song that plays... yeah. Anyway. Blame my brother for making my head like this. :P They are funny men... those two... Trey Parker... Matt Stone... yeah. I'm a loser. Oh well. Whee.

Ranting of boys... blah.

I was talking to Jaimie on msn about these sites I go on... and how on one of them I met Kevin... and... hmm. Well it just made me remember last summer.

I've known Kevin for a year now I guess.

Anyway. Last July, I think we started talking. His profile said something about people being intimidated by him at first, but when they get to know him, they find someone completely different inside. Awwwww. :P So I messaged him and was like why do people find you intimidating... and he answered with a ... cuz I'm really tall and have kinda big hair... or something. Haha. And I was like, I have big hair too... but I'm short. Or something like that, I don't totally remember.

But anyway. I remember I had to go to my family reunion at the beginning of august last year, and my brother and i took the bus to ontario. Anyway. When there was internet access in the bus terminal, I would be on it, seeing if he sent me a message. :P Which he did.

But yeah. I think our first date might have been a year ago today... or something. I really have no clue... hmm. But anyway...

I've realized that I just wanna be his friend... I'm pretty sure... unless he keeps telling me about the little bitty sunflower growing in his backyard beside his fence. :P It sounds cute. Haha. Whatever. Stop swooning, Katy. :P Okay. Done. Bah.

Collin doesn't initiate conversation anymore. He hasn't since he "broke up" with me. :P I feel like a retard always saying hello... but I think I do still like him... kinda. Meh. BAH.

DEAN CAIN! YAY! Totally made my day... :D

Okay. Boy, have I got news. Sort of. Haha.

K, that one day that my tv wouldn't work, apparently I missed an episode of 90210 that Dean Cain was guest starring in... boo hoo... BUT, it totally made up for it today, when I fainted when he came on the tv. I saw the back of him and I was like... IS THAT DEAN CAIN?! And it was. And I'm good... haha. But yay! Swoon. Sigh. Swoon. He looks so young... he woulda been ten times hotter if he had his glasses on, but oh well. Still gorgeous.

I didn't actually faint, but I did do some squealing. :P Cuz I'm weird and obsessed like that. And in love. :P Haha.

But yeah. Oh. I have an interview at the stop motion animation place tomorrow. I'm nervous, because I'm so sure I'll screw it up. Like I do everything else. But maybe not... I dunno. Meh? But I'm not telling any of my friends... because they'll just be like... I dunno. Although I did write it in my lj. Hmm. Mainly because I never actually talk to the friends I have on there. Did that make sense? Oh well, it did to me... sort of. Done.

So. I want a tattoo.

Of what, you ask? And why?

The answers: Of the word socks, written gracefully upon my foot in the style of my choosing... because it reminds me of Shawna. When we were about... 8... I think... we had this huge fight over a pair of socks she had in her drawer. I could have sworn they were mine. Which they were. I'm so sure of it. But anyway.. she ended up keeping them, because damn, she can put up a good fight. Haha. It wasn't like a hitting sort of fight... just... they're mine! No, they're mine! type fight.

Yeah. So I have no idea when I'll be getting this tattoo. Quite possibly never. But anyway. The second tattoo I would get... only if I get the first may I get this one... lyrics from my favourite song. Teenage Dirtbag. :P Precisely... "she rings my bell". haha. Yeah. Cuz I'm a freak like that.

And this guy on msn who added me from that site... is a freak. I do not like talking to him. And he asked me if I would be up for hooking up for a bit tonight. I said no, I'm busy. And now, I plan on blocking and deleting this sick bastard. :P

Oh my. Wes' boyfriend broke up with him. That's too bad. ... I don't know what to say. Except to make jokes about it. Which isn't totally cool. Hmm. But I dunno.

I'm talking to Kevin on msn. I love this guy on msn. I can't help it. He's too charming and nice. But in person... it's just... not there. Can't stand him. :P Haha. Sigh. Well I can stand him but... I dunno. I really don't know. I like him as a friend. Yeah. Leave it at that. :)

Woo!

Fireworks were awesome. I'm gonna post them to Youtube. I'll link em later. :P

I sort of added onto my profile on that site last night, I know I should just stop going on it, but I have nothing better to do. I swear. But anyway... and then I stalkered Collin's profile, and he added onto his today. He still looks at mine.

In his profile, he says, and I quote, "PLAIN JANE"... as in that's what he wants. Alright. I don't know if anyone else would take offence to that, but I do. First of all, I do not see myself as plain... but when he said it I think he meant like... doesn't do drugs, illegal activities... I dunno. But still. I don't think that's a nice way to put it. But maybe that's why he doesn't want me. AND WHY IS HE IMPROVING IT IF HE ISN'T READY FOR ANYTHING?!

Ugh. Men.

But yay fireworks! Why does he still look at my profile everyday? I must be awesome... but really... I think he either misses me, or he's just lonely. I don't know. Or he's a major creepy, which is quite possible. And probable. Bah. I should just shup up about him. But really, that's like the only thing going on these days. Cya.

I know now why I don't really talk to my parents. They lie. And I don't like their answers. :P

My dad and Val both call each other liars, and they both think the other one is a horrible person. I don't know who to believe.

I definitely need to have that sit-down and talk with my dad. Because... he's... I dunno. I think he's a liar. But maybe I'm just sexist that way. :P Val just seems a little more sincere. But whatever.

My mom doesn't like either of them. :P

But anyway. Collin keeps looking at my profile on that stupid site. Probably trying to figure out why I still go on. Well, I look at his too, only in stalker form. :P In other words, anonymously. Things are easy to google when you know what you want. Heh.

Um... Oh, there's fireworks tonight. Yay. Big group of us going. I have to take pictures... cuz brother wants me to. I dunno. I agreed... I'll be there anyway. But now I have to not get mugged. But as Mandy often says "This isn't New York". Doesn't mean you can't get mugged for a nice camera though. Meh.

Honestly, I only go on to see if he's looking at it. hahaha. :P Man, I have issues. I just get so bored sometimes. Meh.

Whoa. Know what I just noticed? Cheryl linked me on her blog. Heh. Awesome.

Yeah, I should start linking all the blogs I read... then it might be easier to remember them... but... meh. *thumbs up*

I sort of want to talk to Collin some more, but... he's not online, and I don't want to miss South Park. :P Tv's more important. You know it. Heh.

I'm a biznitch.

That's hilarious. I've done like 60 posts in like... a month. Maybe it's more than that. I forget. Oh well. It's probably 2 months, which works to about 1 a day... sometimes more. Meh. Anyway.

Maybe Collin did actually like me, and it took me to make him realize that yeah, he does need time to like... think things through. Cuz. For some reason I keep stalking these people and he hasn't gone on in like 3 days. Oh my. Whassup with that? I'm probably speaking too soon, because he just came on msn. I'm appearing offline because I'm creepy like that. haha. :P But if I do decide to go online, I will ignore him. Because I'm assuming that he just didn't have time to go on the site yesterday. :P

Hmm. So.. yeah. Got an extension on my flashes... dunno if I mentioned that. I might have. Whatever.

Jessica's coming over tonight. I'm happy. :) We'sa gonna watch some movies. Specifically, David Lynch films. :P

It's been a while since I've seen Star Wars. I think the last time I watched the original three was when I was out in NB after grade 8, and Shawna and I tried to watch them in a row... got halfway through one, and decided it was a bad idea. :P

But yeah. Iunno. That 'We'sa gonna...' just reminded me of Jar Jar Binx. :P I'm a dork. Meh.

There. Online. Collin's talking to me. Why? I don't know. As if everything's good again... guess he only needed... 3 days. :P Oh my, does this amuse me. Too much, I think. Yeah. Hahahahahaha. *evil cackle*


Let's add to this piece shall we? Excellent. He tells me he's lonely. And that he thinks he's falling into some sort of depression. Because of loneliness.

I am not getting suckered in again. Never again. I'm just being way too fucking nice, and I can't believe it. I thought I was a bitch? What interests me about this boy? Probably the fact that, I'm sort of sure he liked/s me. And that puzzles me. :P But anyway... I dunno. I can't just ignore him if he talks to me first. Which is what happened. And like... if he's gonna kill himself, I don't want him to. Obviously. Except he likes Eve 6. And I don't know ANYONE, aside from my brother, who also likes them. :P It's crazy. And like... I dunno. But I'm so sure something is wrong with his head. Cuz how can he be... so cool, and then a total douche? Is that how everyone is? Actually... it is. Oh my god. :P Hmm. That sucks. But he basically called me ugly... or somehow implied it... and like... was being all conceited even if he didn't mean to be. But we all know the truth, because I posted that conversation. :P Sigh. Guess I'll just... try to comfort him or whatever.

Oh, he's talking to me because it's a Friday night. :P Well too bad. I have plans. Bastard.

Ooo, Dave's online... I was about to talk to him, but then decided against it. He must really think I don't like him now. I sort of forget what he's like anyway. Heh. Ah well. He'd talk to me if he liked me... so.. meh. No big loss. Or is it? OH GOD! IS HE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE?! doubt it. I really, really hope he's not. Cuz I think if anyone out of the three is... it'd be Collin cuz he told me he likes me. :P None of the others did... hm. That's painful. I only like collin cuz he likes me. Ouch. Oh well.

Haha. I was working on my flash... and there's this part where this folder comes up with this guy's picture... he's supposed to be Death's replacement... but the TA guy, who like just graduated that class... was like... getting back at someone?

Haha. And I was like no... hmmm. However, that would be an interesting way to lash out at someone. I never even thought about that. I'm not really that mad though. But, yes I am. whatever. Collin's a dumb fuck, and I really want nothing to do with him. Ever. :)

Soo... yeah. I stayed after school for like half an hour. Then i was like. I gotta go. I'm gonna miss the daily show. :P Which is almost on! Yay.

But anyway... point: I got an extension on my flashes. Yay. Sean's so nice. :) He's giving extensions to like everyone. Heh. Cuz we're all idiots and can't time manage. :P Bah. Gotta go. Jon Stewart awaits.

The break-up conversation which occurred at like... 12 last night. jerk kept me up.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:50:48 PM)
hey katy

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:50:57 PM)
hey Collin

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:51:24 PM)
i just need to talk to you

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:51:45 PM)
okay

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:52:04 PM)
with me and you i'm taking this way too fast.......

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:52:47 PM)
okay

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:53:05 PM)
well... go with... what you feel

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:53:48 PM)
honestly i don't want to lose you and i think we're mostly friends

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:54:03 PM)
yeah

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:54:52 PM)
i dunno i think you were right i'm not ready to do this all again

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:55:31 PM)
yeah, that's what i thought

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:56:29 PM)
doesn't mean we can't hang out

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:56:51 PM)
okay, awesome

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:57:11 PM)
i'm not a prick.....i'm just a confused guy

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:57:29 PM)
i know'

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:58:10 PM)
cuz i would like to have someone but then again i'm not ready even if i think i am i really am not

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (11:58:51 PM)
yeah. that's cool. yeah, i was really surprised when you said you were...

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:59:20 PM)
you have a better graspe on it than i do

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (11:59:43 PM)
and a better understanding of where i'm at

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:00:06 AM)


Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:00:38 AM)
honestly......you know now that you can get a guy that looks like me

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:00:54 AM)
um.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:01:22 AM)
dang that came out wrong

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:01:24 AM)
that doesn't sound conceited at all

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:01:32 AM)


¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:01:42 AM)
yeah, really.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:02:20 AM)
are you mad at me.....

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:02:41 AM)
well how did you mean for that to come out

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:03:14 AM)
you meant it like that didn't you 

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:03:17 AM)
whatever.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:03:33 AM)
that if you thought i was good looking that your able to get someone thats good looking

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:03:51 AM)
ya nvm

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:03:51 AM)
i don't really care about looks, quite honestly.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:04:11 AM)
i'm an ass and we both know it

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:04:29 AM)
whatever...

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:04:59 AM)
i think it's pretty hilarious how every other day you changed your mind about me. what a ride... yeah.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:06:49 AM)
i'm sorry katy

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:07:03 AM)
but whatever. i still think you're nice and kinda cool... i do wanna be friends if you're up for it... but meh

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:07:19 AM)
it's okay

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:07:48 AM)
 i just don't know whats going on.......

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:08:01 AM)
i'm a mess

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:08:54 AM)
you'll be fine

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:09:36 AM)
why are you being nice to me

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:09:40 AM)
after what i did

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:09:59 AM)
because i'm a nice person.

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:10:08 AM)
most of the time. just don't catch me on a bad day.

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:10:13 AM)
snakes on a plane made me happy... that's why.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:11:17 AM)
i didn't think it would be fair to you if i have soo many things to get off my chest.....

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:11:27 AM)
and i tend to take a lot of crap from people... and don't really stand up for myself.

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:11:29 AM)
yeah

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:11:32 AM)
well it's cool

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:11:57 AM)
i honestly want you around

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:12:12 AM)
reguardless of what you are to me

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:13:04 AM)
you're an amazing girl and i don't want to hurt you in anyway shape or form

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:14:13 AM)
okay

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:15:16 AM)
honestly you can hate me......

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:16:28 AM)
i'm no better than your typical guy......

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:16:53 AM)
and plus you deserve better

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:17:08 AM)
whatever. i was second guessing it anyway.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:17:09 AM)


Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:17:15 AM)
ya

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:17:37 AM)
what was making you second guess it

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:18:58 AM)
because i didn't think you were ready. and i think you get attached to people too quickly... i dunno.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:19:55 AM)
wow.....i like how honest you are

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:20:24 AM)
cuz that is exactly it......you hit the nail right on the head

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:20:34 AM)
of course i did

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:20:51 AM)
man you have me figured out

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:21:01 AM)
meh

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:21:18 AM)
no you really have a gift for reading people

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:22:00 AM)
i'm just observant. and... you were like i miss you after the first time we met. so. kinda obvious... but...  not that i wasn't flattered or anything... i just... yeah. okay.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:22:33 AM)
sigh.......i think i just need time

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:22:51 AM)
i'm happy that i didn't suck you into something too stupid

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:22:52 AM)
yes, i agree.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:23:16 AM)
cuz it wouldn't be fair to you

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:23:51 AM)
right... well i'm sure i wouldn't have gotten sucked in too far...

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:24:11 AM)
no your a smart person

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:25:39 AM)
how do you even know that? you like... that's another thing... like you barely know me... what have i said about myself that... explains who or what i am? honestly... i didn't get it. whatever. i guess we can still get to know each other...

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:26:44 AM)
ya i'm just going to be quiet.......and leave you be......

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:27:03 AM)
haha... sorry i didn't mean to like... freak out on you but like... i dunno

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:27:13 AM)
i'm not mad or anything

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:27:20 AM)
i just... i dunno

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:27:51 AM)
so are you still coming over tomorrow or not? ... maybe you shouldn't...

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:28:23 AM)
no i shouldn't.......i'm way too emotional to be doing that

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:28:58 AM)
haha okay. aw. that's cool... definitely take as much time as you need. i'll be around if you wanna like talk or anything

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:30:37 AM)
thank you katy what i really need is someone to just be there

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:31:36 AM)
well whatever.. that's usually what i... am... heh, so yeah. i... really should have gone to bed an hour ago... thanks for keeping me up, yet again  it doesn't matter, i'm not tired... but yeah.

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:32:03 AM)
i'm sorry

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:32:11 AM)
you have a good nite okay

Collin~ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? says: (12:32:15 AM)
take care

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:32:20 AM)
yeah, ditto

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (12:32:21 AM)
g'night
----
bastard. :P

Man, an update is needed. Sort of. I guess.

Collin and I are no longer... going out. He "broke up" with me last night. I find it quite amusing, seeing as how I was having a tough time convincing myself I liked him. :P So yay. Freedom. It feels good. :P

Anyway. So yeah. I figured out that I really don't want a relationship right now. I can't handle it. My course is almost done, I have a job interview coming up... I hope. I need to get the job. I need it. ... I need money is what I need, but I want to get money doing something I like. And hopefully I would like stop-motion animation as much as I think I do.

Um. School's going well. I drew the goddamn coolest viewmaster today. :P I traced it, but then I had to add the colouring all myself... which was the hugest pain ever. Took me all friggin' morning.

So last night I was like... hmm... I guess it's back to Kevin. :P But then i was like no, Katy. He's an ass. Quit leading him on. :P

Oh. Dave's alive. He sent me a forward. Stupidest forward ever, waste of my time, goddamn it. I have no clue why he sent it. Whatever. I don't know if... we're talking anymore or not. :P Probably not. I really don't care...

I just want Friday to come. It's Jessica's and my night to watch David Lynch movies. I bought some of his short films in Edmonton. Yay! And I told her I had Eraserhead and she was like I wanna see it! So yes. Friday can't come soon enough. I really did miss her, and I'm glad she's back.

Oh! I saw Snakes on a Plane last night with my friend... my other friends bailed on me, so I was like you wanna go? And he was like okay. I'm glad I still went. Hilarious. :P Sort of. Ya know.

So.. in conclusion: I'm good. I'm so glad to like... not have to worry about... I dunno. I just want to worry about school, and I've learned my lesson about those sites now. :P Never again. Well... maybe when I get bored... :P Haha. Peace.

So.. talking to collin. And he's all... maybe I'm pushing too much for this to happen. And I'm all... maybe... blah.

Maybe he's bipolar or something. he's getting a little annoying-ish to deal with. But I think most guys are. Or what I've dealt with already...blargh. They suck.

I do want to go out with him, I'm just not used to being all gushy and junk. Whatever. And I feel very fat today. I drank too much on the weekend. And ate too much. Blah.

School was fine, I guess. I was like 5 minutes late. Oh well.

Took my car for an oil change today. Traffic has gotten so bad, cuz there's so much construction going on... it's pretty ridiculous. So yeah. I blasted the Buddy Holly and screamed. hahaha. :P Although I wasn't even feeling that crazy... meh.

Now I'm just all pissy. Cuz... he keeps going on that site, and I think he just... I dunno. I just can't move that fast. I wouldn't for anyone... except Dean Cain. :P

Edmonton was awesome. I got so drunk. Sigh. That was fun.

Mall was okay... I found pumpkin on DVD!!!!!!!!! HELLS YES!

I'm so happy about that. You have no idea. It'll be nice to watch it without swearing at the tv. Hahaha.

Collin's being... I dunno. Weird. We're still pretty much discussing whether we're going out. I think he was hurt that I didn't really kiss him... blah. I told like everyone about thursday, cuz it was too hilarious. The beginning of it anyway.

:P

Um... hm. What else. OH! The place I put my resume at... Wapos Bay... he emailed me and wants to set up an interview! Fuck yeah, team! Sooooo happy. I really don't wanna fuck this one up. :S

I'm so nervous, but totally stoked. He wrote that anytime after Wednesday would probably be good for him... like anytime i pick... i picked "after 3" and "I'll let you choose the day, if that's all right". :P

I hope he emails me back and says thursday. I shoulda just said thursday. Blah. Oh well. *fingers crossed* I REALLY want that job... but I also REALLY want money coming into me. :P I'm greedy. Oh well. Whee.

Oh. My. God. What have I gotten myself into? :P

I left the house... you know... to go test drive cars... walked to mother's work, etc. Did that. Test drove a Honda Fit... ew. :P Didn't like it much... anyway.

When we got back, Collin was parked in front of my house. Creepy, no? Yes. Very. :P

Anyway... we ended up going to see You, Me and Dupree. I paid for my own ticket... thank you. Cuz I wanted to. Good.

He did the whole... arm around me thing... and I was like.. hmm. K. His arm's gonna start hurting. :P But whatever.

Anyway... then I told him he could move his arm if he wanted... and he later did.

Hmm. When we got back to my house, he walked me back to the door... we were sorta holding each other... well he grabbed me first, so I therefore felt obligated to cling onto him. And then we were hugging in my backyard for God knows how long.. geez. This time it was kinda nice though. I dunno. Weird. And then he kissed me. And then I couldn't breathe, so I turned my head. Hahaha. I'm a loser. Shoot me. :P

And then we hugged for like a minute and then I was like k, time for bed... and we kissed goodnight. Damn boy. He likes me too much. It's almost gross, if I didn't admire him so much. Haha. Why do I admire him? I'm... not sure. Maybe cuz he drives a purple car. :P I told mandy that, and she was like... purple? Haha. Yeah. Good times.

I'm not a good kisser. I need practice I guess. Blech.

I'm still laughing about yesterday... heh. Sort of.

I'm off to walk to my mother's work, from where we will go and test drive some more cars.

I test drove a VW rabbit yesterday... did I mention that already? :P Brand new. *drool*

Um... hm. So yeah. My tv's out, so I can't watch 90210... but I'm leaving anyway... but I was gonna tape it. But it doesn't work. So yeah.

Hmm. Heh. He kissed me on the cheek... WHY? That's the only question in my mind. Blah.

I like to pick at things, and overanalyze them if you haven't noticed. That's why I can't just let it go and move on. Yeah...

And tomorrow I'm off to Edmonton for the weekend. Whee! It'll be fun, and I'll come back soooo broke. Haha. Oh well. The price of fun.

He likes me... :P

K... hahaha. He kissed my cheek. :P No, no, it's really funny! I swear!

He came, and we went for a walk... and then we were back near my house, and he wanted to use my bathroom, so I was like fine... I guess so.

And then we sat in the basement for a while.

And like... I dunno. It was nice, I guess. I'm so not used to people sitting THAT close. Ya know?

He hugged me like my dad does. Like all caring and sentimental and shit... ya know? :P Fuck... he kept looking at me... like I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I just wasn't... going for it. Cuz yeah. I dunno. It was... weird. We were standing all close... and stuff. It was hilarious. Believe me. :P It woulda been "perfect" if I had kissed him back, but like... I dunno.

I still have no idea why he likes me so much. It's... kind of blowing my mind. But I try not to think about it. :P

Plus my lips were chapped, and I didn't want our first kiss to be inside my porch. :P PLUS... he said he didn't wanna get into that... I dunno. What a liah! :P But I guess I'm just so irrisistable.

He kissed my cheek. I went back down to the basement, laughing... haha. I'm so horrible. But it was like... I dunno.

We were hugging forever... or what seemed like it... geez. And then he wanted to hug again, and I just leaned my head against his chest... I could hear his heart beat. I haven't done that since I was little with my dad... I don't know if it was nice or not. I guess it was... blah. What a joke.

I... don't know how to feel. I like him, yeah... but... I dunno. I'm so... embarrassed. I wiped his kiss germs off my face. :P When I got back down to the basement that is...

He shat in my house. lmao. I swear. It stunk when I walked by... but I didn't say anything, cuz I'm too nice. Gross, eh? But it's... a normal bodily function, I can't really hold it against him. Blah.

In conclusion: I'm still such a little kid. He has cooties, and I don't want them. Right at this moment. :P Maybe in a couple weeks, he'll have grown on me some more... but yeah.

Still.

Geez...

Oh, Kevin.

A little too late... sorry, friend. BLAH. He just... gawd. Why does he always pop back up when I'm... happy? :P Didn't I already ask this question? Blah. Now I feel... I dunno. Whatever.

"sorry it took me so long to reply... *embarrassed face*". Bite me. :P

So yeah. Apparently, I'm going shopping with Wesley sometime.

I'm taping 90210 right now, cuz I'm talking to Kevin. Let's lead him on. :P I'm horrible. No. I won't lead him on, I think he's just bored. Meh.

Oh, I dyed my hair today. I'm soo hot now. :P She straightened it too, so it looks a little... I dunno. greasy-ish. And not it's poofy normalness. Haha. Oh well.

The dreaded question that I knew was coming.

Have you ever had a bf?

Haha. I was gonna lie, but then I just sorta... said: not an actual one.

Hahaha. :P It's true. None of them have been official. I've gone on many dates... but... no one likes me that much. I should have just given up. Bah. I hate my life. :P Haha.

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (7:42:48 PM)
can i ask you a question?

Collin~ insomniac says: (7:42:55 PM)
be my guest

¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (7:43:36 PM)
did you move back with your parents, because you were living with your former gf?...

Collin~ insomniac says: (7:43:50 PM)
yes

I FUCKING KNEW IT. He was living with her. Hooo, boy. Hahaha. This guy is so much more mess than he's worth, I'm thinking. But I still like him. Grr. Stupid head. Stop liking him, so I can like.. not die... haha. :P Blah.

lmao. Look:

Collin~ insomniac says: (5:18:35 PM)
i personally hate the circumstances that we met under but i am willing to get to know you and i want to be with you....


lmao. He hates the circumstances under which we met. That. Is hilarious, my friends. He's willing to get to know me... as if it's a chore. And I'm a leper. With a moustache. And... bad breath. Haha.

He just doesn't... he's not good at choosing words, I don't think. Bah. Whatevs.

I'm such a horrible person. I don't think I deserve this guy... like... ugh. He keeps trying to convince how awesome he is, but he doesn't need to really. I met him. I like him. Like... stop already. I don't know.

I am so positive that Dave found another girl. Good for him. I don't really think about it anymore... :P

I dunno. I like this guy... even though he's... I dunno... I'm still not sure about him... but... I want someone to hug, and he's super good at it. :P

Oh, did I mention he has a purple car? :P I love it. Haha.

I just realized... or... came up with the thought that maybe I'm just "rebound girl". I don't want to be rebound girl. I don't.

And he was telling me about how he was living in the city for a bit, but then... and I was like, hey, whoa, was he living with his ex-fiancee? Geez. HUGE. Okay. Haha. I'm such a... yeah. Hmm. I think I'll ask him that. Cuz... I dunno. Wow. Haha. I'm still not over it. It's just... terrifying. The thought of committing yourself to one person, for the "rest of your life" at the age of 19... obviously that didn't really happen for him but like... my god. Seriously. And a month later, he's looking for a new gf. And he got one. Me. Rebound girl. Hooray... what the hell. I really need to stop analyzing this. Sigh. I'm gonna go read.

When I woke up this morning, meeting him was all I could think about. GOD. UGH. Stooop it, Katy. K. Calm. relaxed. Going to read.

He seems like a major clinger. :P He kept telling me he missed me... did I tell him I miss him? Hell, no. What's to miss? Everything's better in my head. :P

What? Come again? Huh? Whozzit? Say WHAAA?

Erm. Apparently, I have a boyfriend. Who doesn't want to make out with me for a month. :P Haha. Whatever... he's probably worth the wait. I guess. Man.

I just... engaged? Yeah, I'm still not over it, but we all have our pasts, everyone's different, we have different experiences... I just... I dunno. Engaged at the age of 19 is just insane.

Sorry if anyone who stumbles across this is offended by that statement. Just how I feel. :P Cuz I'm 19, and can't imagine being... engaged. Like ever. :P

Um. So. All I did was gave him a hug, and apparently he was like... doomed from then. He's... I doth quote "I like you. Quite a bit." Haha. Nice, eh? Seemed like it at the time... and then he dropped that bomb on me. And I was like oh whoa. And he was like I didn't wanna tell you earlier cuz I didn't want to scare you... and I was (in my head) like well... that didn't work. :P But... I guess it kinda did. Cuz I struggled past that, and reminded myself how much fun I had today. And how it'll be like that everytime. If I don't do something dumb. :P

Well at least I KNOW this guy likes me. :)

Collin: the third... guy I'm writing about... :P #1

We went mini golfing. I missed marking down the score for a hole. I do that like all the time. I don't know why. Ugh.

So he showed up at like... the tiniest bit before 630, and i was still doing something... not sure what. probably attempting to make my hair not look so stupid, but whatever. So I got the door, and I was like hey, i'll just get my shoes. It wasn't a very good greeting on my part, but it was surprising. :P Umm... so yes.

After mini golfing we drove around for a while... I think we drove around for like an hour... talking. I dunno. He's very nice. And he says his thoughts ... about me haven't changed since we started talking. On Friday. Ha. Jesus. :P So I was like that's good. And he was like... so... would you wanna do this again? And I was like yeah... if you do. And he was like well, that's why I'm asking. And I was like oh, okay then...? Ha.

So... he finally drove me home, I think cuz he wanted to be home for like... before 930... :P I dunno. Maybe he has some kind of curfew. Beats me. Um... I gave him a hug. It was such a nice hug too. He like... was... I dunno. It was nice. :P No, I didn't kiss him. Heh. Um... yeahhh... we definitely like the same music... um... heh... hmm. So yeah. I... hope he feels the same... as me... cuz... I... uh... kinda sorta maybe like him. A bit. :P

He wasn't creepy at all! Yay! Or maybe he is... but it's like... the same as me. So yeah. It's all good. I hope I don't screw this one up somehow... :P

EDIT: I'm very glad I agreed to go... :) He's a cool guy. And he's a good hugger. Haha. :P

... :)

Haha. I'm a big loser. My mom's going out for supper tonight at 6! Thank you! Now I don't have to explain where I'm going... haha. :P Oh well. Mandy knows where I am and who I'll be with, so... if something happens she'll tell her. :P But nothing will happen because he'll be nice. And cool. And... sigh, his voice. Is nice. He thinks mine is nice too, which I found odd, because I don't like my voice. But hey, whatever... :P

Yes. Oh man. 90210 is on. Ooo, when they left me last week, Brenda was on a flight to Paris with Donna and as she was driving away, Kelly and Dylan were lookin a little close... ouuuchh. Haha. :P I'll update later... after.

151st post. Woo. :P

So... Collin was online, and he gave me his number. I phoned. We talked for an hour and 20 minutes. On his cell phone. Ha. Have fun paying that, buddy. :P He has a nice voice...

However. Ahem. Let me see if I can remember exactly what he said... well he said he thinks I'm cute... but I'm not... you know... he likes to blend into the crowd if you will. And I can... okay, they're my words now, accomodate that. :P He thinks I'm plain. Whatever. I know I'm not gorgeous, but I have my hot days. :P Obviously ... I lost my train of thought. The doorbell rang and it was Mandy and ian looking for the salsa. Haha. I kept it. But I gave it to them, cuz they kept the gross chips. Gross salsa goes with gross chips. Woo. Anyway... so... like I kinda... was like... wow, what a... he really doesn't seem to watch what he says... but like... I think you have to take everything he says with a grain of salt. Ya know? But. He hopes everything works out. :P Ha. I hope I don't... I hope I'm not a huge jerk tomorrow, somehow. :P Ah well. Cuz ya know, I'd like it to work out too. I think. I dunno. Whatever.

He stutters. I kept hearing it. I didn't say anything though, cuz maybe he's self-conscious about it. ? And I'm not an asshole, despite the fact I think I am. I'm just... not. I'm too nice. Umm... so yeah. I'm not totally sure what we talked about. Oh, I think he's picking me up tomorrow. THANK YOU. A real date. Haha. :P Kevin always used to pick me up... but... I never let him walk up to the house. Haha. :P And I'll probably sit outside tomorrow again.

Before I left for the lake yesterday, the dog got out... and apparently it was my fault even though she's the one who was inside, and shoulda been watching... and owns a door that doesn't close. Anyway... I caught him, and she was like if he needs another surgery, you're paying for it! So I was all, ...said something mean... and left. So I've been kind of an ass to her since I got home, and thank goodness she left to go to a friend's house. For the evening. So yeah. Etcetera...

Haha. He said that he was like.. waiting on msn for me yesterday to come online... but I didn't. Cuz I was at the lake. :P I'm so freaked out that he won't like me in person.

He was telling me how his sister dragged him to a psychic at the fringe... and how he was supposed to meet a girl with brown hair, light eyes, 5'6... and with the same interests. And he was like.. it's kind of scary how it's so similar to you. And I was like I'm not 5'6. And he was like well I know but... you have to just... take it all with a grain of salt. Or whatever. And I was like I guess. He's got his hopes really high, and I'm probably gonna knock em down. :P I don't want to... but... I dunno. From the neck down, I'm a little... hmm. whatever. I will not be self-conscious tomorrow. I will not be an ass. I will be awesome. I will be me.

I love the way I ended that. :P

Because I'm bored and sort of.. waiting around for bedtime... I decided to try to google this blog. It worked. Crap. If you go: 'katy dave msn jaimie'... it's third. :S And now it'll probably come up easier. Crap. :P Hmm. But yeah. Hopefully no one who I know in person knows how to find it. Eep.

I'm going to go have a shower.

The lake was fun. I actually went sailing. It was fun. :) That guy better email me, or I will be upset... sigh. But not very. :P Cuz frankly, he scares me a little. Haha.

No one's emailed me back. It's been a day and half. Like geez... :P

Whatever. I have way too much time on my hands. It kinda sucks.

I shoulda just said yes to tomorrow. Blah. Oh well. He hasn't even answered. So whatever. Obviously, he has issues. :P Haha.

I emailed him and said Tuesday might be better. :P

I don't like Mondays. And I'm really sorta freaked out, cuz... I reread the email this morning, and it just... I dunno. Maybe I'm just waaaayyyy too pessimistic and questioning of people's... motives... but it seems like an elaborate prank. Although not that elaborate. Or maybe he just likes me. Honestly, I can't tell the difference. :P How sad, hey? Oh well. I'm going to go pack for the lake. ...I'm an idiot. It's really quite amazing.. it really is. :P

Um... k.

K, this new guy Collin... he's way too much like me. Okay? Except he actually says what he feels, and I gotta say... it's... the tiniest bit creepy and makes me wonder about his mental state... is that horrible of me? Whatever. I don't even know him, and he's (haha like Jaimie said) making plans for like... ugh. This has never ever happened to me. It's weird. And I don't... agh, I dunno. He asked me if I swore... and I was like sometimes... in fits of anger... and he was like okay, but it's not part of your everyday speech? And I was like no... and he was like good. I lied. :P I actually swear a lot. But you know, I should cut down. So I said I don't. Cuz I plan to not swear around him... :P

I dunno.

He told me his horoscope and how it said that he'd be meeting his "soul mate" omg... that would be kinda cool if... I were that... but I really doubt that I am. Just cuz I'm so... I dunno. South park is on, I'll come back and add on.

Back. Where was I?... oh yes. The horoscope. lmao. It was... yeah. Pretty funny. Kinda... dead on. It was scary... eep. :P I'll see if i... just a sec...

August 11, 2006
You might not be a believer in past lives, collin, but you could have some moments today that could really make you wonder! Today you could experience some very interesting coincidences. Maybe you will meet a soul mate at a casual gathering. This person could share your same interests or beliefs about life. You might wonder if you could have shared another lifetime with this person, because you will feel like you already know them!

Um? I think... that might be why he was so... intent... on... uh... god I dunno.

This is just weird, and I'm thinking I should definitely handle this situation like every other. Talk to them on msn for a while, like... he sent me an email, and he was like... (no okay, wait. it's way too... funny :P) UGH. Looking back on the conversation now, it's just all pretty... ridiculous. I dunno. I got all lost, cuz my friend Wes showed up. And then he got me drunk with two drinks... I was supposed to go to the gay bar with him and some friends, but... my some twist of fate, mandy drove by us, and we totally flagged her down, and i hung out with her and ian instead. I didn't want to go to the bar. I'm not... I dunno. There will be many bars next weekend. Edmonton!! Ahh! Whee!

Anyway, where was I? Oh right... well he sent me an email a few hours after we talked (for like an hour... how can you... man, I dunno. I don't know what's up with him... why he seems to like me so much, why he actually finds me... attractive... that's new. K? I don't get it. :P)anyway, he was all in the email, if we do start going out, which I'd like, I wanna ... he wants to draw everything out. Like we have all the time in the world. If that's true then... why are you so eager to.. meet me? I know I'm charming and all... but like. I'd really rather wait, so I think I'll tell him that. If he likes me that much, I think he'll be able to hold out seeing me in person for like... a couple weeks. I dunno. i'm absolutely questioning his mental... ness. :P Cuz one time, I met this other guy cuz I had talked to him for a while, and didn't think he was all... quite right in the head... :P I'm a jerk... whatever... but so I took mandy with me to meet him... and... yeah. He didn't seem all there.. he was insanely nice though. He had a lot of dvds... I was jealous. :P And he thought I was beautiful. So. Yeah. I'm not sure if... man I'm being such a ... oh well.



Haha. While hanging out with Mandy and Ian, I was like hey, Mandy you should drive me by Kevin's house so I can drop off his damn game. So she did. And oh man... I stuffed it in the mailbox and then Ian yells out the car "GET IN THE CAR! NOW! COME ON!" It was the most hilarious thing ever. That kid's funny. :P

So. Things to do: email Collin back, saying how I liked talking to him too, but that I think Monday... yeah Monday. ... as in two days monday is way too soon to meet him... but in his email he was like...P.S if you're at all worried about me being some sort of weirdo or involved with crime......i'm not....my dad is the police association president for the city police, and he is just finishing up with the polygraph(lie detector).......what you see is what you get with me.....

i already miss talking to you!!!!!!

I dunno. You tell me what's wrong with him. :P If anything... desperate doesn't count. I don't care about desperate... :P He can't really spell... which will bug the hell out of me if I continue talking to him on msn. I think I'd like to hear his voice before I meet him... I mean, I didn't hear Kevin's before I met him, and... hoo man... mistake. :P I was not prepared for that deep... very adult sounding voice. :P Whatever. There is nothing attaching me to him now. Yay! Freedom. :P Haha. Not that he's talked to me recently. Whatever. I don't care.

The drunkeness is wearing off now. Thank goodness. This was a long post... and very... ugh one. What the hell. Seriously. Like. What the hell.

Haha.

Oh man. This guy is... hilarious. :P I don't think he's meaning to be... but he is. And I love it. :P

I've come to the realization that Dave... sigh... is probably a lost cause. And I really shouldn't... I dunno. I just. K, I started going on that site again, and this guy added me to msn... and he's really nice... and like... he was asking me all these questions like if i smoke and drink and why if so... it was fun. :P

He thinks I'm cute. We sent each other pics... etc. I don't think it should matter really, but... it does. I guess. I dunno. Cuz I had a hell of a time trying to convince myself Kevin was mildly cute. He's not really. I... yeah. Anyway.

His name is Collin and I may talk about him more. I don't know.

damnn these guys boosting my self esteem. damn them. *shakes fist*

He's growing on me, and I don't feel bad at all. :)

So I signed onto msn a couple minutes ago... and voila. Another Chinese person has added me. Hooo boy. What. The hell.

So I was like... let's see what all this crap is about, so I unblock him, and right away he sends me some... weird ass message in chinese... maybe it wasn't weird. But whatever. And there was a link to something. Which I didn't click. I just closed the convo box and blocked him again. Ha. Man. I really, REALLY need a hobby.

Okay, so I put what he wrote into a text translator... cuz I'm that bored and curious... :P and this is the best I could get: I hope 结 very much; 识 Like your 样 High element 质 Friend, 这 Is my wish! If my 们 Has 缘 Minute, 请 Joins encircles to my friend

Heh. Apparently... he wants me to be his friend?... should I click the link? Hmm... I clicked it. The mystery was too great. It's a chinese site that I can't read, because believe it or not, I don't know how to read Chinese. So I won't be joining it. Cuz I'm not putting the whole site into a text translator so I can friend some random Chinese guy who adds me to msn. What the heck. :P

K, so I cracked and initiated conversation with Dave. It was good...

up until the end. When he was like k, I'm going to go see my friend now.. have a good night etc...

anyway. One thing I've noticed about him is that he tends to call his friends his buddies. So why didn't he say buddy? Unless it was a girl. Hmm. He still goes on that site like all the time... I know because I'm creepy... :P anyway... I dunno. I will email him tomorrow, and ask if he wants to go see a movie sometime... and then I'll be gone all weekend, and I'll go insane awaiting the answer, but by the time I get back he should have answered so... I dunno. He'll probably say yes, just cuz he's so nice. Not because he might like me. Meh.

I'm not sure if I really like him, but I know I want him to like me. :P Haha. Okay, fine I like him... ya know... sorta.

But still... I'm so... paranoid. :P Oh well. It's just a boy. There are lots more out there. I think.

You know who I had out of my mind til like just now? Kevin. Ha. He still hasn't answered my email. What a dink. :P

Sigh.

So yes. We are avoiding each other now on msn it seems. Well... I dunno what HE's doing... but I told myself I can't initiate the conversation anymore. I just can't. I'll say something I'll regret again. And... I think I totally just made him not like me on Sunday cuz I was so out of it. Oh well.

If he doesn't talk to me ever again, I guess I'll know, hey? :P

I could email him again and ask him to a movie... but I don't think I want to. I could pay for it, but I don't think I want to. I don't think he likes me anymore. I think he might have been starting to like me up until Black Sunday. :P

As in... the day Katy screwed up everything. Whee. Oh well. It's okay.

Jaimie, you're hilarious on msn. :P And now if I ever talk to Dave again, and you're online, you'll get the play by play. It'll be awesome. Hahaha. :P Perhaps that was your plan all along... :P Oh well. Hehe. Bah... guys.

I just wanna say "I like you." to him. But I can't. :P Because something tells me it might be a little creepy. But then he'd know that the ball was in his court. :P Oh man.

Should I? I can't. If I did, he'd probably be like... uhhh... and I'd feel dumb. But then I could stop thinking about it all the time. And I mean this is the only life I get. Hmm. Whoa. Epiphany. :P Hmm... should I? Oh god. lmao.

I can't. I'd like to live my only life with as little embarassment as possible. :P

Oh shit. Regret. lmao. I was like what the hell... "I kinda like you.. you're a very interesting guy :P" response: i'm not intersting, I just sit around and do nothing...

lmao. I suck. At telling people things.

Oh well. Thank god he didn't make it awkward. :P

Wait a sec... no "I kinda like you too." Hm. Okay. :P NEXT! Or... previous... hahaha. No. I doubt it. But there we go. yeah. Well... I dunno. I'll try again some other time, but I'm not chasing this guy very far. Okay, maybe I will. I dunno. :P Lot of thinking to do I guess, but whatever. Shoot me.

Okay. So. Talking to Dave on msn... apparently he just... wasn't online I guess. Whatever. :P

Anyway... so after some light banter... and me asking him if he wanted to go see over the hedge tomorrow (jokingly) he said not really... which freaked me out. And then he added, that he doesn't really like animated movies. And I was like :O. I'm starting to hate him... haha.

But after all that drama... :P... I just outright asked him if he wanted to hang out again sometime or not.. and he said sure, but he doesn't know when, cuz the next few days he has to go begging for a job. :P

So now I'm all... happy. :P I'm hilarious, aren't I?

So many damn emotions. Blah... In the span of an hour, I went from oh god, I'm a huge loser to yay, he might like me. :P

Although that doesn't explain why he was on that site... hmm. Oh well. I don't really care anymore. :P Yes, I do, but I can't think about it anymore. Haha.

DORKO

Haha. And now I'm starting to totally obsess about it. oh man, what fun.

Fuck. Screw everything. Man. I suck at life. Haha. I know I shouldn't care, because I was sorta bored with what he was saying on Sunday... I coulda been less of a ... boredo... but... I wasn't. I think I had the choice to let him know I liked him or not. I chose not to. Because I don't think I actually want it. Meh. But I feel pretty stupid and crappy... oh well.

Let's obsess some more.

But I don't wanna be creepy obsessed, ya know? Like... haha send him anything on the site... oh god.

But yeah. Shoot me. Please.

Ohhhh. Ouch.

So I was like.. hmm, I haven't looked at Dave's profile in a while on that site. So I looked at it now. Apparently, he's online. He's not on msn... maybe he blocked me.

It's apparent he doesn't like me. Yeah. It hasn't totally sunk in yet. And I'm pretty sure it's all because of Sunday. Oh that horrible day. So like.. here lies another question... why hasn't he answered my email?

Sigh.

I am the biggest loser I know. Shoot me.

Blah. Oh well. He's obviously an asshole. Haha.

no. 4... *groan* :P

Umm... that was... not that great. I just.. wasn't really into it. I dunno. I suppose my horoscope initmidated me a little. :P Not that I pay much attention to it anyway... I dunno.

I did however figure out his last name.

I talked very little.

I think he thought I was upset for some reason. I told him I was ripping up the carpet in my room. Maybe he thinks I'm crazy. I'm doing it because I wanted a change. And things were getting lost in the carpet.

He gave me a very nice hug though. I think cuz he thought I was upset... :P But whatever. I bought my own iced cap... hmm. It makes me wonder, you know?

Maybe I like girls... haha. :P Ya never know... I guess I'll figure it out when we go to Edmonton and hit all the gay bars... lmao. I don't think I am. But whatever.

I'm a little disappointed with myself. I was... I dunno. I think cuz I told a lot of people about this one... cuz it was, you know, number 4. Hahaha. Oh well. Maybe we're just supposed to be friends. Nothing wrong with that. Sigh. Someone will come along one day... maybe. I don't really wanna be alone for the rest of my life. That would kinda suck. Yeah.

It was cut short because he had to go do laundry... I don't think either of us really wanted to be there... I dunno. Well yeah I wanted to see him...

Oh I know why he didn't pay. Cuz I asked him out. Of course! Wow. Okay. Note to self: don't do that again. lmao.

OMG...

My horoscope for today:

Do you want this person to stick around for the next phase of the journey or not? Now would be a great time to stop and inquire about their feelings regarding your next steps. It's better to be safe than sorry.

:P Okay then. Yeah, right. Something tells me I won't be asking him about his feelings. Just because. Although I should... I... meh? Crazy horoscope though.

We named the dog Indiana!

Hung out with Amy today. Yay! :P I was just thinking about her too...

Anyway... we went to the fringe... this... little... I dunno.. bohemic sort of thing on broadway... venders and junk... and plays.... yeah. We bought stuff. I got two bracelets that I'm totally in love with. One's green. :) I love green.

And then we went back to her mom's house and waited for supper. While waiting we painted our nails... well... since I suck at painting my nails she did it for me. :P I never paint my nails. Ever. So yeah.

They're all shiny... and purple and sparkly.

And now I'm gonna look like a dumbass tomorrow. :P Oh well. If he can't accept me for the bored girl I am sometimes, that's too bad.

I dunno... they're sorta pretty I guess. But my fingers are so short and fat, and I never noticed how short my nails are til now. Hm. Whatever.

I should go do some laundry before it gets... tooo late. :P I'll have a shower in the morning. If I get up. which I better. Cuz I'm goin' for coffee at 2! Yay! :P

I told Amy about Dave... and she was like so have you kissed him yet? And I was like no... and she was like.. oh, well I guess I don't have to ask you if you slept with him on the first date. And I was like... wow. I'd never do that... unless he was Dean Cain or something. Man. I'm so in love with that man... :P He's still gorgeous for 40. Twenty years isn't THAT much... is it? :P

Oh yeah! And we watched Indiana Jones: the last crusade. Woo! I. Love. That. Movie. I adore Sean Connery. And Harrison Ford... for the most part. The expressions he has sometimes... haha. K, I'm done.

random thoughts before bed.

I was just thinking. I don't even know Dave's last name. I know it shouldn't matter but like... how'm I supposed to dream about the day we get married? I'm totally joking.

Really, I am.

But seriously... when he emails it just says his name and the first letter of his last name. A little bizarre. Maybe he's paranoid. Cool.

But yeah... would he find it creepy if I asked what it is? :P Oh well. Note to self: bring it up smooth-like.

Also, I think the first time I met him, the reason I was so excited was cuz he looked so damn good. Like... dressed really nicely. Yeah. And then I guess he saw what I was wearing and decided to pull back a little? Haha. Sigh.

I tried googling this journal with keywords like kevin, dave, mandy, katy, crap, damn and... uh... some other crap but it won't come up. Yay. I have no idea which keywords will make my journal pop up. Haha. Oh well. I was totally bored and found out that it's really not hard to google up Jaimie's. :P Jaimie + jdate = 3rd result. lmao. sorry. Did you try googling your blog already to see how easy it was for him to find it? :P cuz it's... pretty easy. I wonder why. Hmm... whatever. Well... I think I might actually go to bed now. not even midnight. I know. And it's Friday. Wow. I'm a loser. Bah.

My name is not Ketty.

So... I just got an email from one of my friends from high school who I haven't seen... pretty much since it ended... her name is Yun. She still thinks my name is Ketty. And I want to throttle her. :P But oh well. She's Chinese, and sometimes I can't really understand her... meh. So whatever. Let her call me what she wants. I guess. It's kind of a cool name... ketty. Ha. Oh well.

So yeah, apparently she started a blog... like on her msn profile or whatever... I started one of those, and then gave up, cuz too many people coulda read it if they wanted to... ie everyone on my msn list. Gah. :P

But yeah. She was all we should hang out sometime... I dunno. It's been too long, I'd say. But it would be cool if we could all get together again... like mandy, Yun, me, wes, jessica when she comes back... and maybe heather too. I need to phone Heather... she probably leaves soon, and I'll feel horrible if I only saw her once. We were supposed to watch Wallace and Gromit, but apparently never did. Oh well. Maybe sometime this week. I'll phone her someday. Maybe tomorrow? I dunno.

But anyway.. my point was that... Yun thinks my name is Ketty. I've tried to correct her. She just doesn't seem to care. So whatever. When she says it it sort of sounds like katy.. .I guess. Oh, whatever.

It's weird when you see people you went to high school with, and you haven't changed for the better quite yet. :P I saw Nick Thursday while walking across the bridge. He waved, I said hello. Been in school with him since grade 6. Yeah. Blah... so I guess I should email her back and whatnot... tomorrow.

I think I blocked her on msn. Oh man. That's horrible. I'm horrible. Oh well. Sometimes you just don't wanna talk. :P

ugh...

I think everyone in my class thought I was being super stuck-up today. I had to finish stuff though. And they were all, in their heads, on summer vacation already. And I had stuff to do. So I didn't really wanna socialize. I think they all hate me, but I dunno... I sort of see them as competition. :P I know they're all better than me, so that's why I have to work harder, and practice more... and focus. On things. Y'know?

We watched The Incredibles in class today. I'm so glad we did. I like that movie.

I dunno.

I feel weird today. Like... lonely but don't want to be around anyone. Urgh.

So.. this two weeks off thing... hm. It'll be interesting. I wanna work on my flashes. Because when we get back to school, we'll only have like 10 days to work on them. There are two due. I don't think people realize that. I do, however.

I was just such a huge antisocial asshole today. I dunno. It's kind of bothering me. But oh well. We get two weeks off, and they won't remember, and I'll be much happier. I hope. Because I will be done everything I want to be, and they'll all be screwed cuz they... don't care... blah. I'm a jerk. I should be nicer. But somedays you just don't feel like talking to people. I woke up late this morning too. That sucked. Whatever. I'm done. I need a nap.

I emailed Kevin asking him if I could drop this stupid game off. It's so in my way. And I never even took it out of the box, because honestly, I only pretended I was interested. I guess I was a little intrigued, cuz so many people were playing it, but it just sucks your life away and I didn't want that to happen... to me... with an rpg. Okay? Honestly... world of warcraft? Not my kinda game... meh. We'll see if he replies. He is, you know, a giant ass. Apparently. Never woulda thunk it, but it's true. Cya.

Woohoo. :P *rolls eyes*

Yay! :P

He said yes.

I came back from the bank and checked my email yet again, and saw that I had an email from him. Oh no... I thought. :P But he was like: yeah, sounds good. same time, same place? There was a little more to it, but yeah. I'm pretty relieved I guess... I dunno. I like hanging out with him. Meh.

I've been checking my email like constantly all day cuz I'm so obsessive, and don't feel like working. Haha. Now I can dream... :P Or not. I should really work on some more on the flash. I'm just not feelin' it today. It's becoming a burden. Oh no! Ahh! I need to go ask my teacher if he'll give me a good reference. Because I'm going to apply at Wapos Bay. Yeah. The stop motion show place.. thing. Haha. Kinda doubt I'll get a job... but I gotta print off the resume first. :P

I'm in a... panicky state sort of. It's weird.

Things...

Okay... so maybe he just didn't make it on to the computer today.... oh god.

Sigh.

I hung out with my other friend Dave tonight, cuz he's lonely because his roommate just moved out... anyway, we watched The Fly. Holy crap. I officially love that movie. it's hilariously delicious... and gross. But yeah. The special effects were... awesome. :P The make-up and all. They definitely made old Jeff Goldblum ugly... which I didn't think was a possible task. :P Not sure if I'm being sarcastic. I'm not. He's cute.

Anyway... uh...

So yeah. I'm like... going nuts in my head almost over here, cuz... it's... just... I dunno. I sort of expected an answer by now I guess. Maybe he was online and just didn't answer. Maybe he met someone else. If that did happen you'd think he might have the decency to like... let me know...? Bah.

Man. Uncool.

But oh well. He'll answer and hopefully it'll be a yes. So... moving on.

My stepmom is in "town". Well.. in the province. And so tomorrow after school I'm going to go see her! Yay! I don't know what we will do. But it will be nice to see her again. I guess. She'll probably make me cry by talking about Shawna... but it will be good. I keep not thinking about her... I'm not sure if that's healthy or not. Meh. So... yeah... um... that's it I guess. No, wait. I keep getting left alone in the classroom with my teacher during our break at school... 15 minutes or whatever... oh crap that reminds me I have to go watch those flashes... hmm... but yeah. I dunno. I really like my teacher. He's super nice, and really... um... encouraging. Which is a nice change. No one's ever really encouraged me, I don't think. Not even my parents. Well... my dad has the things he wants me to do... but... it's not bloody likely that I'll do them. :P Or he used to have plans, and I pretty much crushed them. Ha. And my mom... well... I think she knows that my mind is forever changing. She really wants me to get a job though. Ha. Think she wants me out? Probably...

So... I emailed Dave a few minutes ago and asked if he wanted to go for coffee on Sunday. I told him I missed that. Oh god? What have I done?? Oh well. It's better he say no now, than when I get my head too high up in the clouds. Right? Right?!

So... yeah. Man. I just wanna know if he likes me. Like really. Cuz then we can like... sit and cuddle. I just want someone to hug... :P

This is why I don't stay up past 12 anymore. Except it's like 1 am now. Crap.

I think... nope, that's not the first time I've asked someone out. But this would be like a date. That time I asked Dean to go bowling with me and mandy was the first time I'd asked a boy to do something... :P And he went with us. And it was awesome. :P Haha. Oh shut up katy. Goodnight! Ahh!

This is getting old...

It has started again. The Chinese people won't let up! Well they did... but now they're back at it. I've been added again. Of course the culprit has been blocked, and will most likely be deleted... but maybe they just wanna be my friend for some reason. But I don't think so.

Well... I'm online right now and I unblocked them... apparently they're "busy".

Hmm.

I don't know where the hell these people keep getting my email from. Blah.

One Flash to rule them all... lmao!

I feel fairly accomplished today. I actually did a boat load of work, and my teacher wasn't even there! :P Dunno where he was. However, he was at school yesterday which was the second monday... and so since he was there yesterday I guess he still needed an extra day off... even though we start vaca next week. Meh.

But whatever. I have begun the flash that will rule all flashes. :P Haha. Or not. But it'll be freakin' sweet I hope. I just need to record some stuff... like a little diddy to play at the beginning and... my voice. Or my brother's. I could make mine sound like a man if I slow it down, which would definitely show editing. So that's good. What does Death sound like anyway? :P Haha.

The flash is a mocumentary sort of... it's about Death retiring and giving the job to a new guy... and explaining Death's new life in a retirement home. Hilarity ensues. Hopefully I can make it look as funny as it does written down. Bah.

It's going to take for absolutely ever though, but I'm so committed to this thing... I think because I want my brother to love me forever for it. Haha. It's my brother's story thing... it's part of a movie he wants to someday get done, and I want it done too, because it's good and random... and so I'm helping him along with one part of it.

But the thing is I have to make two flash assignments... so I have my hard take forever one... and so I need a super amazing easy one. To do.

It's awesome though, i didn't think I'd be able to figure out how to do everything I wanted in flash. But I did! I'm so proud of myself. And I totally did it on my own, which makes me feel even better! Haha. But I'm sure I'll need help later on... but yeah. I wish I could put it up here, because it is pretty neato. But oh well. It'll be up somewhere one day, and then you can totally admire my work. Woo! Yeah, I'm excited. Haha.