It's late...

And I'm tired... and I just made this and uploaded it. I may make it private tomorrow. ha. :P It's called "10 months in iPhoto"... cuz it's all the pictures in my iPhoto library. I'm so bored...

Big Day...

What a big day...

I finally finished cleaning my room. Ha. It has been a 2 week project, approximately... maybe more maybe less... I can't really remember. But yeah.

I'm replacing the lampshade on my lamp... because I ripped the other one up. :P Well... I had glued stuff to it and took it all off today.

And I was digging through pictures and stuff and found a few of Shawna... started crying. :P Oh well. Heh.

I tried phoning Val last night but she wasn't home. So I'm calling again tomorrow.. and if she's not home, I will leave a message this time. Meh.

I miss that biotch...

Jordan had sent me a text message today that said I love you... I don't know when he sent it cuz I didn't turn my cell on til like 1230. :P I lounged about today... and watched some more of The Weird Al Show. I fucking love it. :P I really do. He's awesome.

Anyway... I'm going to pick up Jordan from work now... Medium is on tonight! Yes! Hehe. Nice... nice.

So I was over at Jordan's... duh... and I was like can I check my email on your computer? and he was like yeah, sure. And I was like... on the guest account? And he was like no... you can go on mine. And I was all but I thought you changed your password. And he's all I did... but then I changed it back because I realized how silly I was being. I just didn't want you to look at the p0rn. :P

Me: I thought that's what it might have been...
him: Well I wouldn't lie about that, I just didn't want you to see it.

Hmm.. haha. Whatever.

Later on in the evening I made his lip bleed because he was badmouthing the wii.

I did not, however, punch him on purpose. I was trying to cover his mouth. I swear.

I swear...

---

On a sidenote, the place I worked for is out of business. So I filled out a form today at the labour standards office and have a case worker now. :P Hopefully I'll get my money. :)

I'm gonna go upstairs now. Bye.

So... I was going to open up solitaire on Jordan's computer, and ... well... it's XP... so I was scrolling up to programs, went past documents, paused on it by accident ... thought I saw somethin weird so i went back and read what it said. A bunch of jpgs that were called My Girlfriend and numbered...

He saw that I looked at that. I didn't open any of them, just that I was readin what they were called, not even really... bah. And he freaks out. Changes his password... and is pissed off at me. H eventually let it go, but he was going on about how that is such a breech of trust... like... fuck you guy, what the hell are those? :P

Um... I have to say... my curiosity is so fucking piqued... peaked?... whatever. But christ almighty... what the hell could they be?! :P

Hoepfully not of his girlfriend... probably someone else's... maybe? I don't know.

I really don't know.

I know he doesn't have another girlfriend cuz... well... I'm with him every fucking day. :P So... I have no idea what's up...

I'm stressed about work. Really stressed. They actually owe me about $355 before taxes. UGH. Totally not cool. I'm really pissed... I haven't told any of my friends about it except amy... I dunno. I just... I don't wanna hear what wes is gonna say about it... I just... don't wanna talk about it, you know? BLAH.

I hate hate HATE looking for jobs. Seriously.

You are coming to a sad realization... Cancel or allow?

We had a fight today in the car, where I actually fought back and made him realize what a dick he was being. :P

He called me a terrible driver. yeah. I know... and I was like... I like how you always call me mean but when you're being mean it's like you don't know... or something. or it doesn't matter... blah.

And then we had silence. And then I was like, or how when I laughed at you because you didn't get that putt in that dumb video game... and you lashed back at me.

And then... after a couple more minutes of silence I finally thought of what I needed to say. I realize that since we love each other so much you're extra sensitive to everything I say... don't you think it's the same the other way around?

and he was like yeah. And that's why I feel so bad. I feel stupid.

And I was like... damn right. yay me. :P Good times... good times...

We're good now. Great even. :P
"I suppose pouty potato puss is gonna start to cry now." hahaha... oh Corner Gas... :P

My work's computers are gone. :P The door was locked... hmm. Either they're out of business, or there was some kind of family emergency or... they just hate me. I'm hoping that it was the second one. That they will be back. Not that I hope someone died or something. That's so sad.

Anyway...

Now I'm burning my mother a copy of the Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man soundtrack so she stops stealing my copy. :P It's annoying... she loves him. And I liked the soundtrack, so I bought it. Meanwhile she has the movie... so she could just put it on... but... that... is kinda silly. Meh.

Going to pick up Jordan from work again today... apparently he's going to buy me dinner because of my crappy finding out I'm jobless day. :P Though I'm not sure if I'm really jobless. I have no fucking clue. So whatever... I'm going to deal with it later.

I'm just that kind of person. Haha. Plus I can't really talk about it without getting extremely upset... though I'm fine right now, but that's just cuz I'm not really talking... I'm thinking and typing. But if I were to phone you and rant about it... I'd be crying, or almost crying. Ha. So sad... anyway. Yeah. Whatevah...

Fuck, life is just plain stupid sometimes. :P

I picked up Jordan from work today... and we went searchin' for a wii again. :P No luck. We missed the shipment at toys r us. Damn. ...sigh. Next week. Next tuesday actually.

I'm... really in love with this guy. And... I dunno. It's little things... like when I was leaving he stuck some hershey hugs in my coat pocket when we hugged. I love that I don't notice stuff like that til I get home. heh... I love that he does that.

sigh... :P

I don't know what's up with work... I'm going in tomorrow to ask why their phone doesn't work. :P

Hmm... work bugs me. Like... I don't seem to last longer than 2 weeks at these print shops... it kinda sucks...

BAH. :P... anyway... other than work stuff, life is... good... yeah... I worked on cleaning my room some more today... and... it bombed... kinda.. haha. I really don't have much to say... so I'm just gonna shut up.

K.. so that song I was talking about yesterday that everyone was trying to find... well... I got it and can't stop listening to it. It's so bizarre... haha. And really... I dunno. I like it. Cuz it's funny...

"so let's get down and freaky baby"... hahaha. Or something like that. I dunno. Lyrics are for the weak. :P I'm kidding.

Hilarious.

Oh man. I didn't see Jordan at ALL today. Crazy... that's... the first time in about... a month and a half. I think. Hahaha. How sad. :P

---

Jordan says: (9:14:33 PM)
i'm in love with you katy, i was thinking about you all day

---

Good. :P Haha. Cuz... ditto. Sigh. BAH. I hate feeling helpless like this... but it's also wonderful at the same time... heh.

I meant to finish cleaning my room today, but gave up halfway through sorting through pencil crayons. Gawd. So boring. :P

I have NO IDEA when I work next... cuz when I tried to phone... it said the line had been temporarily disconnected. I don't think that's a good thing... geh? Sigh.

CSI MIAMI SONG... I DO KNOW!!!*

Hahahahaha. I don't have a clue what the song was called in tonight's episode of CSI: Miami!*** Okay?! Stop looking at my blog, random people... sheesh. 4 people! That's just... crazy. :P Well... a little surprising... but... I dunno. Just weird. :P

Anyway... hmm. I went to six different places today looking for a wii. No luck. Sucks to be me, eh? :P Not really... though I do want one, I suppose I can wait... a bit. Except... not really... I don't know. Bah...

Jordan helped me clean my room today. haha. He was disgusted by all the crap I have/had. :P It was pretty hilarious... yeah...

Oh... and someone from Toronto direct hitted this thing. That's... scary. :P

***The song is called Rewind by Paolo Nutini. Thanks anonymous. ;) Haha. Sweet. Now I must... obtain that song to see what the big deal is... hehehe.

Oh wow...

Well. I finally deleted my accounts on those sites. :P Haha. Cupid AND POF... yeah.

Talk about commitment, eh? Geez...

Had a fairly good day today. Jordan and I went out for lunch, nothin fancy, and then it was so nice out, we decided to go for a walk down by the river. It was nice. I actually held his hand for like... the whole time. Which was... really nice.

Blah.

And yeah. So... he better not dump me. Cuz I am not taking the time to make up new ones. Cuz they're gone :P. Those profiles. I told him last night that I still hadn't deleted them, and he's all why the hell not? And I'm like.. habit... :P Haha. Awful excuse, hey? I think I was just worried. But.. I really shouldn't be. I need to stop trying to sabotage this, and just be happy. Oh well. So... that's it. I think I might move in with him as soon as May. Although that fight we did have was pretty awful. But I phoned him again and... was nicer. And he was nicer. So... yeah. We had made up by 7 o'clock friday evening. :P But really... gawd. Oh well.

I may have just been hurt and trying to find something, cuz he didn't have money to get me anything for vday. My first one with someone. :P I'm greedy. But he is getting me a digi camera when he gets money. which is soon. And oh so sweet. :) And I can't wait. I love him... too much. :P

I lied. We're apparently not fine.

I phoned him and he was all snappy with me. Probably getting me back for yesterday, but I didn't stick around to ask what the fuck his problem was.

And I just spent half an hour crying in my room... not only because of him... once I start crying I just can't stop and it always goes back to Shawna. Always. I'm phoning Val tonight, cuz I've been putting it off, and apparently I'm not going anywhere. So... but honestly. He's twenty-fuckin-five. Don't be such a bitch, y'know? Christ. :P

She's been dead almost 2 years now. It's just... crazy. I hate it.

I was crying so hard I almost threw up. I wanted to... that's sick, I know.

But really. Why can't he just... I dunno. Accept my abuse towards him? :P I paid for it.

Hahahaha. I'm totally joking.

I still remember when Shawna died... the phone call I had with val. I remember almost every word. And then I remember when my heart broke a couple days later after it sank in. That's how it feels now.

Work is also frustrating me, cuz I don't know when I work next. My boss didn't phone. And when I tried to phone, no one answered. That's what I phoned Jordan to tell him. And he's like well you should have phoned earlier. And I was like bite me (kind of jokingly) and he was like... that's why I don't want to talk about it, because I think you're wrong. And I was like... all right then... I guess i"m just gonna go... and he's like fine. And I'm like bye. And he just hung up. Really harshly.

Seriously, I can't take much more of this. And he talks so fucking loud all the time. It's like, I'm not goddamn deaf, just talk quieter, christ. UGH. Heh...

I feel a bit better. I guess. My head kind of hurts.

"People only get married that young when they don't think they'll find someone better."

That's what Jordan said to me last night, cuz we were fighting and somehow mandy and ian were brought up... but yeah... then he went and said that.

So it just makes me wonder.

*yay for overanalyzing shit* ... he always says I'm the best... I once asked him what he meant by that. He said I was the best girl he's ever dated. K... but... , no I've totally lost my train of thought now. Damn it. :P

I'm being too paranoid.

Did he not think that he'd find someone better? Am I really better than Lindsay was? I mean... will I always be second best? I know she's been dead for like 4 years... but... I dunno. I make absolutely no sense, but I'm allowed to sometimes. :P Right?

But like.. well... hmm. No, wth... do you think if they had gotten married that they'd still be together? That's a question I'd love to ask but won't. Until we fight again. But I didn't even know her, so I can't really... ask it without... i dunno. Appearing insensitive?... goodness sake... So ridiculous. I'm way too insecure. Ahh.

I was playing my accordion today. It makes me feel better. I'm getting really good. :P Haha.

I dunno. It's just that quote that kinda got to me.

Grunt.

Oh gosh... I was in such a good mood today, until Jordan killed it with his complaining that we never do what he wants to do. As in... going out for food... like... Chinese or Indian. Bah. I just... I dunno.

Whatever. So it was me being all... hmm... trying to pick fights with him all evening. It wasn't too cool. Also he had brought up this girl who wanted to date him when I met him... like... wth. And he got all creeped out by it cuz like... somehow he heard that I didn't want him talking to her anymore, which isn't true. I don't care. I just needed reassurance that he wasn't leaving me I guess. So today... was kinda my freakout that's been a long time coming. Yeah.

It was awful.

But then we started playing Tiger Woods 07 on "his" ps3... not entirely his yet... and it cheered me up a little. But like... I dunno.

I had to remind him that... well... he was like the second person I've ever kissed. How sad, I know. :P And then... well when I said that we were sitting in the parking lot, while he made me eat my cheeseburger, before we went to rent the game... cuz.. I dunno why. Ugh. Whatever. He was being weird. I was being weird. Whatever. Anyway... after I said that he was like... well you're the second person I've kissed in Saskatchewan... and I was like... what?... cuz I didn't know what had happened with that other girl. Whatever. I really don't want to get into it, I just... needed to rant. Blah.

We're fine now though... but it took forever to get over... on my end. Just cuz... you know. I am kind of attached to this man... and I don't want him to leave me. Cuz that would suck. And he still owes me money. :P

I'm keeping an eye out for a wii. I really want one. Kevin wants one too apparently. More than I do. Heh. Perhaps I will sell him mine... if I get one first. :P Meh. But yay, it's another person to play with. Aside from my brother. :P

Oh, and while I was telling him why I was upset... that girl... he was like well do you still talk to kevin? And I was like yeah. But I didn't kiss kevin. And then he's all well that's cuz you guys are wusses. Like... fuck you guy. While possibly true... still uncalled for. :P Whatever... Ugh.

I still don't know why I love him so much. Everything he says these days, I just dig and dig and overanalyze until it doesn't resemble anything he actually meant. Whatever.

I really need to phone my stepmom before the 24th. Sigh.

I heart this song. :P

...just makes me want to watch Love Actually. Oh gawd, I'm such a sap. Haha. Sigh.

Happy vday...

So apparently, I'm just going to be part-time. Hopefully it's part-time where I actually go to work, you know, part-time. ...

last one wasn't.

I'm sticking with this one for now, because I hate looking for a job.

Whatever. And it's mornings too... bah. 8 ay em mornings. Gross. but I'm home in plenty of time to beat rush hour... which is... nice... i guess...

________________________

Today just started out awful. I was running late. Dropped my cell under my car. :P My hands were freezing. BAH. And then to top it off, I took my car in to get an oil change, mom dropped me back off at work, and then they were like... yeah... you can actually go home now, there's not really anything to do. ... So I phoned mandy and she was at the tim hortons just down the street (6 blocks! in freezing cold! uphill! ha)... i was like k. I'll just come to you and you can drive me home. :P Which she did cuz she's awesome. And she's coming over tomorrow afternoon, cuz I don't work and neither does she and we're gonna do our thursday thang. In the afternoon! Awesome. I'm pretty stoked about that. Yeah. Yeah...

I think my day is getting somewhat better... slowly... meh. I hope Jordan isn't in a terrible mood... bah.

Sheesh.

I tried to update last night, but blogger was being all whack. Twas not cool. So here's what I had written... I don't really feel like this this morning. I think I just needed to sleep on it. Cuz I wanna go hang out with him now... :P Yesterday was a long day. Very long. Bah... work. :P

---

Gawd, I haven't updated in a few days. I keep doing this. It's not good. :P

Anyway, my first week of work went quite well. I'm enjoying it. I'm a typesetter, so all I do is set up stuff to print it. Lay it out and whatnot. Super easy. And yeah. Everyone's super nice. I like it.

Ian proposed to mandy last night apparently. Good for them.

:P

Oh yeah, they got a house. I went and saw it yesterday after work. And me and Mandy were s'posed to hang out and do our much delayed Thursday Thang... but then Jordan sent me a text message saying something about how he was bored and lonely or something... I dunno. So I asked mandy if she minded if he drove around with us. She said she didn't mind. So we went and got him. Cuz I'm a good girlfriend like that. However, I wish he hadn't sent it to me. I needed to hang out with my friend. I hadn't seen her in two weeks, cuz I spend every goddamn waking moment with this man. It's kind of ridiculous. We're going to see Barenaked Ladies tomorrow night! Yay. And then Sunday is my dad's birthday. :S The big 5-2. Heh.

Anyway... I think I'm getting a little... Jordan overload. I need a day to myself, you know? But he's so fucking head over heels for me... it's almost scary. I never thought anyone would feel like that about me. It's weird. Anyway... where was I going with this?... Hm. Oh.

Once in a while... no, nevermind. I don't know. I think he loves me more than I love him. Actually... I know that's true. And it scares me. Don't get me wrong, I do love him very very much... I just... I have no clue. I'm tired. I worked like 7 hours today. Gawd. :P I know, almost a full day. How did I ever survive? I don't know. I really don't know.

I just... I miss my dog. And my mom, believe it or not. :P I never get to talk to either of them anymore, cuz I don't come home after work... :P Bah. Whatever. I'm happy, I guess.

Jordan's friend is coming out next week, so I'll have loads of time to myself then. Heh. I plan on going into hiding. Meeting people is scary. :P Heh.

Oh, and my dad had emailed me today and Jordan was sitting right beside me, so I figured I'd email him back and tell him about him. :P Two months today! :P... and I told him about my job. Heh.

His email back:
Whoa!! Great news on both counts. Things are pretty exciting for you these days. Glad to hear you're working again - and in your chosen field too! I look forward to meeting your friend sometime.
talk to you soon.
Love
Dad

Haha. I read it to Jordan. And he's like... your dad sounds fun. And I'm like.. hm. :P And yeah. So there. Finally. :P haha... meeting my friend sometime... oh dad. :P

Got a job.

I got a job. :) That job. That I was gonna phone him about yesterday morning, but he phoned me... told me to come down... and I got it. Yeah. My first day was today. it went well. The job isn't hard at all... just... time-consuming. Sort of. Ah, the life of a typesetter. :P

Yeah.

That's about it. Oh when I filled up my car today at 7-11 the girl was so retarded she gave me four bucks off. :P Cuz... like she didn't see me standing there and then this other lady was like uh, i think she was here first, and she was like OH! You're so quiet I didn't notice.. yeah... whatever. :P Moron.

I need to go shower and then go to bed. Work again tomorrow. I'm really hoping this one lasts. :P That'd be nice... there are only like 4 other people who work there. It's neat. :P

The few things that annoy me... somewhat.

Alright... so, as you may know, Jordan is 5 years older than me. Sometimes I feel like he babies me. Like... cuz I get colds alot (cuz all I do is stay inside... pretty much. Sad. I need a job. :P ) and he's always like awww, poor katy. And I dunno. And he's always cleaning up after me. :P And... well that's about it, but... and he took psychology in university ( or something :P ) and so he thinks he knows everything... like... how I didn't want to swallow pills, because it would mean my childhood was completely over. Which may be somewhat true, but like... shut up, guy. :P Jordan is like a mix of both "men" in my life. My dad, and my brother. HOWEVER I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO EITHER MY FATHER OR MY BROTHER, I JUST ADMIRE THEIR PERSONALITIES. Okay, even with that it still sounds kinda sick, cuz Jordan's always like, do you think you like me cuz I remind you of your brother? And I'm like gawd, I hope not. :P Ewwww.

Shudder.

On closah inspection... these ah loafahs.

But Jordan does things that neither of them do. Quote things. I love that. And... you know... other stuff. Ha. Oh gawd, how uncomfortable...

Jaimie called me a nympho. :P Did you know the average woman has sex at 17? (or something... ha) Yeah. That's 3 years I need to make up for. :P Although I haven't done it since that Tuesday... I was expecting to be upset after... y'know? I dunno... but like... I wasn't. Which might have meant that I was totally ready, orrr... too horny to care. Which would be sad. I'd prefer to think of it as the former. :P

And no, I'm not going to move in with him at the end of march, even if I want to. That's still too soon. I still don't know all his awful habits, and I don't want to anytime soon. Ha.

Yesterday we went to the store, and I was like miles in front of him when he got in the store, and he called my cell and he's like, this isn't a race you know. And I'm like I know. And he's all well you just ran in without even looking behind you and i'm like, I saw you walk in and grab your phone. Figured you were phoning, so I just went to get what I needed. I then asked him where he was, so I could go find him. When I found him he just like... glared at me (but not really...it was totally a fake glare). Anyway...

You know what I fear? That he's kind of making me move too quickly or something... I dunno. Just because he's at an age where if you're not married, you're gay. :P Or something. I dunno, he told me that one day, cuz people at his work kept asking him if he was married. Or something. And like... I can really say that I am not getting married within this year. :P I don't know if I ever want to be married... well, okay that's a lie. Eventually. Preferably to him. I'm just scared that I met him too young, and since he was my first, my eyes might wander. Not that I would EVER cheat on someone. He hasn't yelled at me yet. I think I've yelled at him. We have little stupid fights like every other day but they're over very quickly... cuz they're stupid. And he's way better with words than I am, so I give up. :P Remember, he's going to be a lawyer... sheesh. I keep forgetting he's actually doing something with his life. Whereas I... am waiting for a job... which I can then either keep for a few years, or keep for a little while, while I think about what I want to take in school. Perhaps welding. Kevin and I were talking about that. And how there's an assload of money in it. :P For us to spend on giant tvs and... movies. And another computer. :P Yesss, I hope kevin's on later so I can discuss tonight's episode of heroes. OMG! Hahaha. I absolutely hate how Jordan has never seen Firefly, and doesn't really have a desire to. He prefers star trek. Gag me. :P Although I did get him watching Heroes... but he prefers Medium, in the selection of shows I've made him watch. He doesn't like when he misses medium. And I hate missing it too. :P Anyway. Love him, but not moving in with him yet. Maybe summer... definitely not march. It's still cold out then. Geez. :P

Oh my gawd, I hadn't updated since Wednesday? Why didn't someone tell me?! :P Hahaha.

Lay the blame on luck

Heh.

Ummm... oh. So I was totally right... well.. I'll start from the sort of beginning, I guess. Jordan was over today, and I was probably talking about Angus... or Casper, cuz I wanted to watch it, and he told me that when I said I wanted Angus... the movie... to buy it... he thought oh god... not again... cuz apparently when he was a teenager everyone called him Angus cuz he had the same haircut as him and looked like him. I was gonna tell him that I noticed his face looked a lot like his... but I didn't. Cuz I thought it might be kinda mean... or something. But really. I like it. :P His face... not being mean...?

I called this place on Friday that I had emailed my resume to... and he said he would get back to me later that day. But he did not. So I must phone tomorrow morning. Indeed. :P Sigh... I hate lookin' for work. Bah.

But. I really want that job. And yeah.

I don't want to go in for an interview for a data entry clerk position. Gawd. Sounds like the worst job ever. Or just really boring. Ugh.

Anyway, I haven't spent like anytime at all away from Jordan ... well... since we started going out I guess. Ha. And tonight we were playing Gin, and I kept looking at him and my heart would like.. I dunno. You know when you feel so happy... or like... well I've only had my heart break, and I compare it to that. It felt like that but better. :P I dunno. And he looks over at me and he's like you really want to live with me, don't you? And I'm like yeah... :P

I should tell my dad about him... or something... you know, before I move in with him. Ha. Which he thinks is gonna happen at the end of march, and I'm all no way, and he's like.. yeah... you will. And I'm all... well... haha. I want to. But everyone else will tell me it's an awful idea. And he's like yeah, they will. But you don't have to live with everyone else. And I mean... I have spent the last 48 hours with him. And I'm not sick of him. It's so weird. And not to mention, you know, all last week too, (and all last month... and the month before that :P)... but I stayed over last night. But nothing happened cuz I'm... on my period... :P And yeah. But apparently I grabbed him. :P Geez... I can't share a bed with that boy apparently, without wanting him. Ha. Yeah. I was asleep when I did that. I found it quite amusing... I guess. But when we were playing Gin, he had his sleeves rolled up and holy gawd, I love his arms. Ha. It's sick, I know. :P But... sigh. And yeah, I'm swooning. It's gross. And no one wants to read this, but oh well. That's too bad.

And holy crap, I've discovered that I kinda like knee socks. I wish they were thicker though, my toes are cold. Although they're pretty much always cold. So bah. But yeah. Um. In conclusion... I haven't seen Mandy in like... 2 weeks. :P But she's in the process of moving, so I don't really expect to hear from her til she's more settled. Meh.