Kick up the leaves and the magic is lost...

So my dad and I are going halfsies on a sailboat. A europe. I posted something like this in my lj and said that I didn't sail at all last summer cuz of shawna. And with this boat, I don't need a crew so I won't have to replace her. And then I read it back after I posted, and started crying... hm.

I fucking miss that kid sooo much. Goddamn. We were like the awesomest team ever. Heh. I'd boss her around and she'd be all fuck you katy, I know what I'm doing. And I'd be all I know, you rock. Haha. Good times... sigh. She was crew, I was skipper. She liked it that way, and so did I. I don't like when other people "drive". Yeah...

Well... ):). sad and happy at the same time.

Sooo... Mandy's coming back, and I'm so stealing her damn digital camera. So I can make videos. Bahahaha. And dedicate it to Chelsi. Hahaha. It'll be awesome. And if it's not, you just won't see it. :D

So like... I told myself I had to get an image mapper... but now I'm all whine... I don't feel like it. Cuz I gotta know the coordinates, but I can't download anything at school. Meh. I'll do it at 8. Awesome.

I remember the last time we were in sailing school, there were these two kids... and we helped them in, cuz someone had had a heart attack on the beach, and we were all what's going on... god, it was so scary. But we did it. Together.

How corny an ending is that? haha. I really am quite depressed though. Hm. But I won't do anything stupid, cuz I wanna make the videos in my head first. Bahahaha. AND UNLEASH THEM TO THE WORLD!!!!!

I chime in with a Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!

So today was 14 months. And now I'm kinda crying because Chelsi's being waaayy too nice. Hehe. Aww.

Man... I dunno. today was just... kinda pointless. Meh.

Well imagine, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words... fuck I love this song. :P THANKS CHELSI. :P Hahaha.

Same with Move Along by all american rejects. That one's mandy's fault. Jeepers. But oh well. Um... so yeah, that's it. Hopefully I'll get to see that video of Chelsi's soon... :D

Beh?

If I don't like him, why do I like... get... happy when he talks to me? Ugh. He's just too nice. And this other guy... man. He's like a jerk, but it makes me want him more. Hahaha. Horrible how it works that way innit? Bah. Just. Musn't. Think. About. It. Indeed.

Still can't find my damn notebook... driving me crazy... sigh.

Family Guy is on at 10 again, so I wanna watch it. It was so funny I must watch it twice.. .plus I missed some of it the first time. :) Well... yeah I dunno. This James guy is kinda hard to talk to.. hm. Dang. Haha. Cya.

When the madness stops, then you will be alone.

So yeah. I finally have those shirts. They cool. They cool.

Still can't find my notebook. I'm pissed.

And sad.

Didn't get a practicum... but I don't have to be at school at 8:30 anymore... so that's pretty awesome. I can go in at like 10! or even 1030 if I so wish. YESSSSS. :P

Um... hm. I dunno.

Hung out with Jessica earlier today. Went out for lunch, then to a bookstore, then the Mendel. Woo! It was quite fun actually. She's awesome. Yeah.

I... think... I... might go to bed soon. Crazy huh? But there's nothing else to do. Bah. I really wanna find that notebook though. Damn it.

:( That one guy hasn't talked to me lately... think he might have blocked me, but I don't know why. Hmm. I kinda wanted to meet him too. Meh. His loss. :P Haha. Or not. Probably mine. Yeah. Dang. Oh well. So yeah when I saw Kevin again I was like... yeah, he is annoying hey?... SUPER NICE though. Just... yeah I dunno. And I don't really want to try to put WoW on my new computer... I'm not a huge fan of addictive RPGs. Heh. :P I played one once, and it totally took over my life. And it wasn't even very good. Damn you gunbound. Haha. :P

Got the cube back... gonna try to beat the shit of that sonic the hedgehog game. In a good way... ya know. Meh? Cya.

My arms bend too much.

So... I think all this... crap is getting to me. Heh. About an hour ago, I yelled at my arms for bending too much. They do though... when I juggle. Yeah. I started juggling again... but I might have to quit, cuz it really pisses me off... my arms. I hate them. Haha.

So I've been trying to find my book that I write a bunch of "stories" in... like... The Gathering... which I'll have to change the title... dammit. Bah. But anyway... I can't find it. And like... I can't get to sleep cuz I can't find it... cuz I think of where it could be, then I have to get up and look... can't find it... and then it's like 1 am and I'm all k, I gotta get up in the morning... ugh. But yeah. So I'm like... I dunno.

I really just need to get my shit together and start going to bed, and like... doing things I want done during the day... meh. Take a lot of effort, but I'm sure I'm capable. Sigh. Well whatever.

Bah

So why am I still thinking about a comment that I wanted to laugh at? Because... I dunno. I guess Wes thought it would hurt my feelings. Hmm.

When we went to his grandma's she asked Wes if I was deaf and dumb. Which is totally not politically correct. Do I look it or something? I know I'm quiet, and it comes off as stuck up, a bitch, or retarded apparently... well you know what I mean.

I guess I'm paranoid that that's what people think... even though it's wrong. Hm. I hate it when I do this. I know I'm not supid, and I'm clearly not deaf... although sometimes it seems that way... but whatever right? It's just some dumb old lady. And we all know how much contempt I have for old people... :P Like some of them... man... just wanna... yeah I dunno.

But whatever. I love the decemberists. I need some reassurance that I'm not stupid. Mandy sorta gave it to me just now... wasn't as fast as I would have liked it to be... haha. Oh well. She loves me... my friends love me... that's all that matters. Right?

:D

Happy Birthday Chelsi!

So today... went shopping. New shoes. New bag. New sharpie. Overall, damn fine day. Haha.

It's official. I've moved into the downstairs bathroom. :) It's cool. Haha. The room is now totally my responsibility... which is a little scary :P but oh well. I once thought cleaning toilets was fun... what a fool I was. It's not that bad though. Meh.

Oh yeah! I might be getting those shirts on Monday from Kevin! THANK GOD! Haha.

I've set up my little "office" in the basement as well. Even though it's freezing down here, it feels like home. Hehe. Meh.

Trying to keep busy and stuff...

It's a metallic sharpie. Pretty sweet.
The bag is pretty awesome too. It's you know... like a bag everyone has. Always wanted one... and it's green! Oh yes. My favouritest colour. :) Well... I dunno what else to say. Cya!

Nada really...

This is the beginnings of my meny. Any suggestions are welcome. Please. Dear God. Haha. :P Seeee ya.

Hot picture. Haha.

Is that not the hottest picture you've ever seen? Hahaha. I fucking love my new computer. :P And I love the built in camera with all those crazy effects! AHHHH. I'll post some crazy ones later. :P

Those other ones are goin on my cd cover. They're the modified versions from what I posted yesterday. WOO.

Katy learned how to turn files into PDFs! Hooray! You can see!

The "first" (by which I mean last) one is Guy (like Key... but with a g). Or Pierre as my teacher called him. He was drawn while I was first learning Illustrator.
Second one is a picture I played with and am putting in my cd thing... on the tray part... for behind the cd. *thumbs up* Except it looks way cooler than this, cuz I made it all solarized. Yeah. It's crazy and black and stuff. I like it.
It took me forever to figure out which one was Jeff and which one was Ben. :P I really, really hope I got it right. That's The Exit. My new... uh... "favourite" band. Sure. They're good. I like em. Woo! I'm making their cd cover... without permission, so don't tell anyone. :P And I stole that picture. But google stairs and you'll be able to find it. Heh. :P Cya later!

Okay, so they're not in the right order, but I'm sure you can figure it out. :P

She said good morning to me again. I guess she has to do that now... since she said it once and all... and now twice. Hm. Oh well. She's so cute! Haha. :P

It's just nice to see a friendly face in the morning... especially cuz I'm not much of a morning person. Meh.

Haha.

So I just spent like 8 hours with Mandy and Ian. It was not horrible at all... for me anyway. I was totally... cool. I guess I must really be over him. Not sure I was ever... into him anyway. Haha. Victory is so mine. But I've decided that I'm going to just be a happier person in general. Cuz yeah. I just think it'd be better. Meh.

They must be so sick of me though... We went out to get food, and like... of course I had to drive... and then we got food, and then I just drove... far. Lots. You can't let me be the one to drive when mandy's in the car cuz we have this route that I must go on. :P It's not my fault. It's the law of the traditions. Yeah. So whatever... ian kept being like... don't you have school tomorrow? And I was like yeah... but I don't need much sleep... except I do. :P Meh.

Yeah I dunno. I had fun. Heh. Tried to like... yeah I dunno. :P

I think they made out in front of my house though... I have a horrible habit of looking out the window at people, but not wanting them to see me... haha. I guess spying. Meh. :P Haha. I'm such a loser freak and need a hobby, but whatever. I knew he didn't wanna be hanging out with me like after hour 2... but oh well. His eyes were red... was he high? Perhaps. Hmm. Strange. And sad. But yeah. It's good news. I'm happy for Mandy. :) Really.

Picture?

Notice that I love this picture. And that the building has a sign on it that says "BROWN". It's a sign. I was meant to see this and spread it to the world. :P Hope I don't get in trouble for it. But it's like... advertising for them. Although I don't know what they do. :) Cya.

LOLA

I didn't walk to school this morning, so I didn't see that girl. Heh. Probably a good thing. :P

Anyway... so I thought about it all last night, and I like started crying. Cuz like... okay. I thought I was for like a while, but then I saw this episode of Popular where Ms Glass admits she's a lesbian... etc... and then she and Lily get beat up. That fucking freaked the shit out of me, cuz I never realized that like... that happened to women to. I don't know why I didn't realize that. Hmm. So I'm like rethinking everything. heh. I don't think I am. Cuz like... Yeah. I dunno. I don't have to decide now. So whatever. Or figure it out now anyway. Decide... hardly a decision. Meh.

Anyway... I don't wanna be. Right now. haha.

I want those fucking shirts and he doesn't fucking get it at all! GODDAMN IT. GIVE THEM TO ME!!!! Rawr. :P I should just come right out and ask for them. Like... either bring them to me, or I will come get them. Heh. Meh. Cya.

If you think there might be the slightest chance ever that you're a lesbian... does that make it so? :P

I'm really... confused I guess. I don't know who I am.

People say like oh you should experiment or something... but I don't see anyone willing to help me out here. Haha.

Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous. And like... wth. I dunno if I'm sad or what... something's just... not right in my life, I guess. Obviously. I really miss my sister. Like a lot. All the time. Constantly. Sigh. I'd take pills except I have a super hard time swallowing them... something in my head.

So... either I am or I'm not. Or maybe I'm both. But sooner or later I have to make a choice, right? Right. Probably.

I'm over Ian. Mandy can have him. :P Mandy was like... I can't believe how over him you are... and I was like... oh, if only you knew. I basically killed my brain like wracking it... and stuff. Like... Mandy's my friend. I shouldn't compete with her. For anything. Ever. Like... I dunno.

I'm so disturbed by the thought that everyone else is having sex but me. :P *trying not to care* SIGH. Not that I...

Yesterday, Wesley and I went to shoppers where he purchased a pack of 32 condoms. And some lube. Wesley is gay. And I was like... yeah... good stuff. You practice that safe, fun sex. Jerk. Ugh. I dunno why I'm so obsessed about this... I'm not really.

K, this morning, I was walking to school, and this girl who I pass every day, said good morning to me. I replied with a good morning. And then I thought... why did she say that today? Did she plan on saying it? Does she think about me when she goes home at night? :P I'm hoping she does. Haha. So tomorrow... if I see her... I'll be like hey! How's it going? Wanna make out? :P I'm kidding of course. Sigh. Stupid school. It's going so crappily, and I'm losing faith in myself. Like Marissa on the oc. Bah. But I might introduce myself. Maybe. Probably not. It freaked me out a little. Meh.

I know my stepmother is utterly convinced I'm a lesbian. Meh. She's most likely right, but I'm still not sure. Because everyone I've been obsessed with has been a boy. But maybe I'm just trying to convince myself I'm not. Hmm. See... I need to like... convince Kevin to like... make out with me, and then... see. Haha. But whatever. This is a really creepy entry. Whee. Sigh.

I almost feel like crying, but I've been doing that a lot lately. Life is just... I'm getting near the end of my rope I think. I just want a break. Ugh. And my sister back. GOD.

I bought it!

Yesterday. I love my new iMac. It's so cool. :D




AND. Oh man, chris would be so totally jealous...i can totally watch trailers without haveing to go to apple.com/trailers/ yeah. It's sweet. I watched the trailer for Cars. It looks funny and very cute. Yep. Cya.

COMPUTER! NEW! AH! MAYBE! MONDAAAAAY!

Heh.

So. I went looking for a new computer today. :) I found it. It's like totally the computer of my dreams. Well not really... but anything to keep my mind off of things you know? Heh.

But anyway... it's an iMac. Chris was all... katy you don't want an mac... i could give you my photoshop if you got a pc... and i was all... chris. I want a mac. So yeah. Chris took me to the mac store... and like... there's this thing you can buy that'll make pc programs compatible... whateverness. So I could just get that. Ha. Sucker. :P

But yes. There's this guy... on my msn. Randomly added me. I hate it when they do that. But whatever. Apparently his name is Aaron Carter. But he's not nick's brother. Ha. Yeah... funny. Not really... hm. So I'm wondering if he's lying. :) But oh well.

I'm still pissed at mandy. But whatever. *avoids situation til can't stands no more*. And I believe she's doing the same thing. She knows I'm pissed. And if she doesn't... she's obviously way too wrapped up in herself... or should I say Ian? Hm? Ew. I'm so bitter, it's hilarious. :P Except I'm not. Bah.