Rest in Peace, Grandpa Rodger

My grandpa died yesterday (June 3). Yeah... I went to Medicine Hat two weeks ago where he was in the hospital... pneumonia, his kidneys were failing and they found he had bone cancer.

I'm not sure why he died now... I thought he was getting better... his pneumonia wasn't gone completely when they moved him back to Kelowna last Friday (May 29). He was a lot stronger though... not as weak.

I just feel numb.

My dad phoned my cell yesterday morning at like 10:30... I didn't answer cuz I was at work, and I didn't get it in time. :P I listened to his voicemail at 12. Right before lunch. I obviously started crying. Regained my composure. Went for lunch. Darwin came in and was like... are you ok? Is it your grandpa? Did he die? Yes, was my answer. He told me to take the rest of the day off, so I did. He's actually really nice. Anyway... so yesterday afternoon I just hung out with Mandy cuz she left work early cuz she wasn't feelin' too hot... so we watched dr horrible and then went shopping (she started feeling better as I made her forget about her job). After that we went to Curves. Later in the evening I phoned dad... he wasn't sure when the funeral would be...

This morning dad emailed me with the date of the funeral. June 20th. And now I'm not feeling so numb, thank goodness. I hate being numb. I need to cry. I'm that kind of person. Let it out. Anyway... I'm still not sure if I'll go. I want to. But then again, I don't. I don't want to see grandma like that. But I need to see her. Anyway... I asked Darwin if i was ok if I took this afternoon off too. He said it was ok. So here I am... trying to cry... trying to come to terms with it, I guess.

I think I've almost come to terms with it... like... my mom's parents died when I was 13 and 15 or something. I know what it's like not to have people around anymore. And Shawna... but I meant I know what it's like not to have old people around anymore. I know the young people feeling too and I'm still struggling with that, I think. I'm just rambling, but I haven't blogged in so long and a few things have been going on, so I just needed to get it down.

I was in counselling, but I've quit that now cuz I didn't really like my new counsellor. She just seemed like she didn't give a shit. And I can't talk to someone who doesn't want to hear it.

Anyway... I am likely going to Kelowna on the 19th. Fly there. Fly back on Sunday. Not sure. I have too many bills to pay, too. I kinda skipped out on them last month, apparently. I knew I forgot something...


I ran a red yesterday while I was driving with Mandy. It was scary. Luckily, no cars were coming the other way. But really... I have to pay more attention to my surroundings. Seriously.



Grandpa: "So Katy, tell me about yourself."
Katy: "What do you want to know?"
Grandpa: "Everything."
Katy: "... um... heh... okay... I don't know."

And I didn't really tell him anything. But I stole butter for him from the cafeteria while he was in the hospital. It didn't have a price on it... so I just took it. :P Plus, he couldn't eat his disgusting hospital peas without it. And I tried to make him feel better... make conversation with him. Dad told me what he said the morning we left. Dad told grandpa that Chris and I had left that morning and grandpa said... "Oh... I had a dream about them last night." Apparently Chris and I were in Medicine Hat making a movie and we were driving with an alligator in the car. Dad asked if we were scared because of the alligator... but grandpa said no... and that the alligator was the one who looked scared. Cute. :)

I'm going to miss him. Very much.