Friday, November 11, 2011

Now I'm just being creepy

Ok. So I made a really good friend back in Ottawa last year, and I always thought that he was kind of attracted to me... but obviously wouldn't do anything about it, cuz I'm with Jordan. But anyway, I looked at his facebook profile and he's tagged in a picture on his girlfriend's wall. (He got a girlfriend back in the summer... after I left... :P) But she kind of looks like me! Glasses, check. Chubby, check. Cute, check. lol. :P I think he's replacing me. Haha. I know it sounds stupid and self-centered, but I think I may have changed his opinion about chubby girls. I always thought if I was thinner, he would have hit on me or something. lol. But yay! I'm really happy for him and I hope we stay friends for a really long time. He's awesome. But yeah, I thought it was funny that I was like, omg, he replaced me!!! With a cuter version! lol. :P

On another note, I want to go see a medium. I haven't told anyone this, because they'll call me crazy. Part of me knows that they're not real, they're just lying, but the other part of me really wants to believe - really wants to hear someone say that my sister misses me and loves me and is proud of me. And that she's sorry she never told me what was going on with her. I'm going to see a counsellor soon... so I might tell them this, but I doubt it. We'll probably just talk about Shawna and how sad I am. I asked my doctor to up my dose though, which is helping so much! Really happy with how well it's working now. But yeah, my mom told me the other day that she's worried about me. Which is so nice to hear, because she never tells me that kind of thing. I know she loves me, but... she's also kind of distant. Sort of. I don't know.

I phoned my ex-stepmom a couple weeks ago. It was a really good talk, except she told me Shawna used to do drugs. I have never done drugs in my life. I thought she was with me on that. But apparently I was wrong. Like, whatever, I guess, but she was such a big part of the no smoking movement in her school, and no drinking... but she did drugs? Like, how does that make sense? Whatever, I guess. It's stupid to worry about now, but it just makes me feel like I didn't know anything about her. Which is why I want to hear someone say that she did love me and is kind of watching over me or something. I had a dream about her the other night though, which was really nice. Except she was ignoring me in the dream, and I was like, don't you realize we don't have much time to spend together! I don't care if you bring your friend, but please, spend time with me! Or something like that... it was frustrating. She used to frustrate me a lot. lol. I miss her.

Would also like to hear from my cousins and my grandparents and like... I wanna hear from everyone. I don't know. It's that show Long Island Medium that's put this in my head. I used to watch like John Edwards or whatever... and was like, I need to go there! And then I got over it. But now TLC brought it up again. Booo... so yeah. It might be a Christmas present to myself. Who knows? Haven't decided yet. :P It's not even really that expensive... at least the one I looked up. :P

I am such a whiny little girl, hey? lol. Oh well. You're the one who read it all. :P I'll update again soon, I hope.
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