BC

I'm back. BC was fun...

I really did miss Jordan... he's so incredibly sweet.

He does really like to talk about his exes... I don't really mind that much... but... I dunno. It's... kind of weird. I'd talk about mine... but I don't really have any... :P

I keep wanting to ask him when it was that Lindsay (his fiancee) died... I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'd like to know the day. Cuz I'm creepy like that. And... yeah.

While I was in BC, sean and I had awesome drunken conversations. We talked about David... and how my dad is the black sheep of the family, and how... I dunno... we're all growing up and stuff. And it's crazy. And... yeah. I dunno. I love my cousins. I'm so glad I went out there, but I'm even more glad to be back.

I went over to Jordan's tonight even though I was sick. :P He knew I was sick... I was emailing him all week. :P

And yeah. I'm so glad he talked to me on that site. :P haha. I really really really like him. Okay, I love him. He's awesome. And... thinks I'm cute and pretty and... awesome. And I love that. Anyway... 'nough about that. I might be going shopping tomorrow... apparently, as Jordan has been telling me pretty much everytime I see him... I need pants that fit. They're too big. I gained 5 pounds while I was away. How bad is that? Ew. Darn grandparents with their never ending supply of food. And... big meals. Grr. Ah well. I love em.

Good grief... woke up with a cold. I knew it was coming... yeah... blah.

Had a blast a couple nights ago though. Went to the bar with mah cousin. Got insanely drunk. Now I have a black bruise on my knee. Ha.

Everyone went skiing today. Except me. Cuz I wasn't up for it... the cold and all... yeah.

I miss Jordan. Is that weird? Like... it's so weird spending evenings without him. :P Oh well. Only two more sleeps. Grandma's giving me pie now. Tah tah. Hehehehe. I love being the only grandkid here right now. :P

Merry Christmas everyone! Eeeeee. I love Christmas.

Or is it that I'm greedy and just love presents... hmm. It can't just be that. Cuz I do love Christmas music... whee.

Anyway... I hope everyone has/is having a wonderful holiday!

Jordan's crocheting me a scarf while I'm in BC. Awesome, hey? :P He crochets. I love him... :P Hehe.

So last night... Jordan gave me my presents. Including the iPod! Yay! :) Hehe. He also gave me a box of 96 crayons with a sharpener on the box... sweet! Woo! Haha. And um... some stickers (so cute), mini eggs... yummm... and. Yeah. He's really sweet.

My mom stayed out at the farm last night, so I stayed over at Jordan's. Nothing really happened.. well... haha. We made out... of course... and uh... his uh... yeah, fellow there.. haha... was totally on my leg. And i was like holy crap... wow. :P yeah, I'm a sillypants.

But yeah. We got like... 3 hours sleep. So I'm totally just running on that right now. :P Cuz when I got home this morning before 8... he had to work at 8... anyway, I just worked on mandy's puzzle hoping I would finish, but realized it was impossible, cuz it all looks the same. Bah. But yeah. So I had to run to shoppers to buy her chocolate... :P I'm a jerk. But I bought a frame for the puzzle, and will frame it when it's done. And yeah.

Anyway... um. Yeah. I think it's gonna be weird being gone for like 6 days. :P I've seen him... everyday now for over a week. Wow. And I'm not sick of him at all, and that's totally awesome. I'm so glad. :) Heh... I keep asking myself how I deserve him... but then I think... it's about damn time nice things happened for me. :P So yeah. I'm just soaking it all up. I love it. Haha.

I felt kind of miserable all day... I have no idea why.

I thought Jordan might have been mad at me or someting. But... I'm pretty sure he's not cuz he phoned a few minutes ago...

Maybe I'm the bipolar one... I used to think i was...

Pretty sure I'm not though. I'm a lot more even these days.. ha. Oh well. I wouldn't be able to swallow the meds anyway. Whatever...

Anyway. Mandy bought this flamingo puzzle a while back, and I told her I'd do it for her. And I wanted to get it done and frame it for her for xmas. :P Came up with this brilliant plan today. Haven't done a damn thing about it. The only part that's together is the outside. The inside is soooo hard. Omg. And she's coming over tomorrow at 1! I have like... ugh. Not enough time. :P I suck.

I feel like crying... I wonder why. Oh well. I get my ipod tonight. :P Haha... yeah.

Oh, Kevin... he emailed me, finally. :P Not that I care that much.. haha.

But anyway, he's going home for xmas tomorrow, and wants me to phone him if I got his email before noon tomorrow/today. :P So... I might. He wants to give me my shirts. I was gonna give him a candy cane but... I don't have any. Bah.

Hmm. I think he might have gotten me two? Gasp.

Anyway... Jordan and I talked about his cryptic post. And why I was upset the other night... and... so I'm pretty sure it's all good now... which is good. I was so afraid he was gonna break up with me or something.. gah. :P It was really stupid to think but like... seriously...

I do love him. I do. It's scary.

And I really hope Kevin isn't mad at me... but like. we've never ever ever touched. And if he thinks there's something more than friends between us... he's too creepy, even for me. :P Not that I would even consider that anymore. But yeah. Jordan, yay! Hehe. :P

I'm worried he's starting not to like me anymore.

I just bought him two more presents today, cuz I couldn't resist. :P

I've fallen for him...

absolutely.

I hope he doesn't crush me. :P That would really suck. even though we've been going out like what... going on 3 weeks now, I guess... it'd hurt. A lot.

I think I'm too slow for him. But like... he totally knew I would be before we were officially going out, so like... maybe it's not me he's talking about. Maybe something else is going on. I wish he'd talk to me more.

Edited.

Hung out with mandy today for a bit. It was fun.

Then after I dropped her off at home, I phoned Jordan and went over.

Um. Oh!

haha... Jordan got his hair cut yesterday, and the girl asked him for his number. Cuz he told her he was in law school. :P And he said actually, I have a girlfriend... and she was like oh, lucky girl. :P

It's not like he's rich right now. He's actually quite broke... kinda. Not as broke as I, though. Well... actually I dunno.

So yeah, anyway last night I figured out that I am absolutely not ready. :P Or... I don't want him touching me.

I knew this would happen. I'm going to start pushing him away soon. Cuz he's getting too close, and he loves me, and... like... how do I have this effect on people? I dunno... it's so weird. I guess cuz I listen and I'm quiet maybe they misinterpret that for... amazingly super awesome? Hmm... like... I dunno.

He's coming to fix my vcr after work today. Or... see if he can fix it.

His new hair looked so effing good. Seriously.

I don't know what I'm talking about... ugh. So yeah. Nevermind... blah!

I've come to realize, in my third week of not working, that... I really don't want a new job. :P

And wesley will phone me everyday, I'm sure, until I get one. Bah to him.

I didn't expect not to be working for 3 weeks, otherwise I never would have taken the job. Okay, so not true. that 500 bucks was nice to get. Now... hmm.

So yeah. I need to really just... get a fuckin' new job. But I mean... I'm only here for like... 6 more days. I'm pretty sure I should just... try to make as many videos as I can before the new year. Yeah. Oh man. As long as I'm doing something, right?

Cuz, really... if I'm leaving for a week, and they need someone now, they won't hire me anyway. Blah.

And like it's totally worse when you're done your course, and you feel overqualified for like everything that doesn't involve what you learned. :P Like... fastfood. I don't want to go back, but I might have to. Sigh.

Katy... I love you. ...in this sweater?... or in general? :P

Well. He said it.

We were laying on his bed, cuz I wanted to nap... and then he said it. You know what I said? Nothing.

I layed there for like 2 hours giggling intermittently... and then he said it again, and I said it back. :P

Yeah......

So... yeah...

Um. Apparently, I love him. But after I said it, I was like... gawd, I hope I meant that, and wasn't just saying it. I really didn't think telling someone you love them was so hard. I really honestly didn't. I say it to my mother and my friends all the time. Who'd a thunk it. Oh well. I'm sure I meant it. I know I feel something for him... something good.

I've had a headache now for about almost 6 hours... wow. I need it to go away.. that's why I wanted to nap before. I think it's sleep deprivation. Hmm. Yeah. Probably. Jordan came over after he was done work. we spent a good 12 hours together today. Haha. Wow... I'm not sick of him, even a little bit. It's cool. I am, however, incredibly greasy and need to shower tomorrow morning. It's too late to shower now. Bah. So yeah. That's the news.

The note

So I turned on my cell phone this morning, cuz Jordan's supposed to phone me sometime to tell me what's going on with HR... cuz she wants to talk to me... and yeah. Hopefully there will be something there. :S

Anyway... I turn it on and then apparently there's a text message for me from Jordan. It says check your jacket pocket. I was like oh god, what is it...

It was a sticky note that says "You're cute". ... yeah. That's nice... you know I'm gonna have to keep that note forever now, right? :P

He does write nicely and correctly though, so that's good. :P

But really. I'm not used to being treated so... nicely. Gah. :P I'm definitely soaking it all up though. I love it. Hehe. I don't know if I should see him today. Tonight is my tv night... sorta. Yeah. How I met your mother is on. :P

I need to ask him if he was always this nice. Cuz... reading his old lj posts... I dunno. He says he was horrible to some people. And, well... I dunno. I dunno...

The day approaches... when we will say it. Cuz... he's sure. And... I'm pretty sure... oh gawd. :P

Like... I dunno though. It's so weird. Caring for someone else. I'm still getting used to it... I like it though.

I saw him everyday this week. Even today. Yep. I thought I had made sundays our day apart, but... apparently not. :P

But yeah. He's totally sweet. And... oh man, he let me listen to my iPod tonight. It was fuckin awesome.

He gave me a candle. It smells of cucumber melon. Mmmmmmmmmmm. I could smell it all day. Apparently, it's like... the scent women love the most. And I can totally see why. It's delicious...

I'm afraid he's spoiling me... not that I'm not enjoying it... haha. :P But like... yeah... and I told mandy yesterday that I'm afraid I'll start pushing him away. And I don't want to do that. But like... you know? Hopefully I won't... hmm.

He's so sweet. I'm really glad I met him... :P Stupid sites... haha.

I'm yours to keep if you want to...

Supper was hilarious. Jessica's boyfriend is such a... hmm. I thought it was a great evening. :P Just because Nathan and Jessica were both so smashed... and he was soooo loud... yeah. I'm the only one who thought any of it was funny though. Meh. :P Just make the best of it... who gives a rat's ass if... oh whatever. Blah blah.

Anyway, after supper, I dropped wes off at home, and then Mandy and I went to pick up Ian... and then we went bowling with Jordan.

They said they liked him. So that's good. :)

I like him too.

My face is pretty much covered in pimples, i can't believe jordan wanted to kiss me...

I didn't want to leave, but I was totally falling asleep. And yeah. Time for bed. Seriously. ...seriously. Yawn.

(By the way... I read his blog, and he says... "I almost said it... twice."... and I think we all know what "it" is... awwwwwww :P... not sure what I would have done had he said it... heh.)

So... hung out with Jordan, yet again this evening. We had talked about me staying over... but... I dunno. I just... thought I shouldn't. Cuz. I dunno. So he drove me home at like 230. Now we're talking on msn.

He said he's falling in love with me.

And I can't help but feel the same thing is happening to me.

It's scary.

Abso-fuckin-lutely scary.

But I like it...? Heh.

I know he wants me. I read it. And... he's "willing" to wait til I'm comfortable...? WILLING? Geez. I hate that word. So much. To me it comes with like an automatic giant sigh. But whatever. That's really sweet. I know he'd never pressure me.

He said he's scared of me hurting him. He's scared of me hurting him? The man who's been with ... you know "lots" of women... and me been with... zero (men... or women for that matter...). Right... I dunno. I'm still somewhat paranoid that if I do sleep with him, he'll totally dump me. That freaks me out so much. I need to get over it.

I don't know what's going on. I don't know if I want him falling in love with me. Or me to fall in love with him, but it's clearly happening whether I want it to or not. And that's probably a good thing, cuz I'm sure if it were up to me solely, I'd never be with anyone. :P I hate rejection... or feeling... small and... like... I dunno. This is such a new, weird feeling. Caring for someone who actually... hmm... cares the same amount for me back... and likes kissing me. :P

Yeah. Time for bed, seeing as it's after 4 now... guh.

I was just looking at my computer... and I'm all... oh yeah. My iPod's gonna look sweet next to this. Oh, baby.

Haha.

That was such a fun trip last night. My car is so good on gas... considering I was driving kinda fast the way there... :P cough 140 at times... which is what in... miles. Oh, I don't care. I almost spelt that kare. Weird.

Anyway, the name's katy... I'm here til Thursday. Try the veal.

It's divine.

I have to go finish my shopping right now. Stop at bank. Get money. Lots of it. I hope I didn't go over my like... limit thing. That would suck. Anyway... that's it. Yay for everything. :P

Road trip.

Haha.

Totally went to Regina tonight with Jordan. Cuz I'm a bitch and wanted a clippy shuffle instead of the old big one. :P

Anyway... it was so fun. He's awesome. I got us lost, cuz I didn't listen to him... haha. And I got stuck in the snow. He pushed me out. Wow, what a super guy, huh? Hahaha. Oh goodness. I can't believe he put up with it. :P

Oh but wait! On the way there, we saw the northern lights. Swoon. He had never seen them before, poor deprived Torontonian... bah.. :P So yeah. And then we saw a shooting star. He said he made a wish, I didn't even think about that.. haha.

And on the way back I saw another one! Gah! I made a wish that time... I think. Haha.

But it's like... hmm. I dunno. It's so comfortable with him. I dunno... :P And seeing the northern lights AND TWO shooting stars... I was like... hmm... what's goin' on here?... :P

I'm getting totally all... gushy. :P Except not really. But... the northern lights were SOOOOOO pretty. I love them. I can't imagine never seeing them again...

But yeah. Point is... um... I had so much fun tonight. I've never gone on such a random trip. ... for me. All for me. :P He's making me feel... "special"... and... wanted. Hmm. And... I... nevermind. :P

I've seen him everyday this week. Is that nutty or what? I've never been so... not addicted... but... interested? in someone else before. It's.. I dunno. It's neat. :P *rolls eyes*

We can drive around with the top down

Oh crap, what was I gonna say? Damn it...

Got my hair trimmed and straightened today. Ooo. And... eyebrows waxed, cuz they were pretty awful. :P And made me self-conscious. haha. Oh well. S'all good now.

I gave the biggest tip I've ever given, and now feel poor.

I really love this song... Yours To Keep by ... I dunno, whoever... it's on that virgin mobile commercial. :P Why do commercials these days have such good music? Goodness...

Mandy is sick today. :( So... I dunno what to do. haha. I guess continue working on pictures...

Mom doesn't feel like putting up the tree... so... yeah.

What the fuck else was I gonna say?

I have no idea what to get everyone else for xmas. I really don't. I can't just get him a clock... are you reading this? :P WHAT ELSE CAN I GET YOU?! Gah. :P I was thinking... no, nevermind. It'll ruin the surprise. Ha.

Ummm... so yeah. I need to be drinking more water...

I told mom I wasn't going back to Lee Valley to get her stupid scissors cuz that place confuses me... :P

I was listening to Imogen Heap when I woke up. What an awesome way to start the day... sad-ish music. :P Oh well. It was good. And then after I got my hair all perdy I tried to clean my room... yet again... it's really not happening. Haha. So sad... oh well. So I practiced juggling. Woo. And... that's it.

I keep looking at the shelf where I keep shawna's picture(s) and... stuff... and I'm like, fuck I miss you. I want to get you toblerone... heh. And another pinata for xmas. :P I swear, that was the best gift I've ever given. Actually, I dunno. But she had said the toblerone brought a tear to her eye... just like it did when my mother gave me one for my birthday. Oh man. How can chocolate have such sentimental value? :P So tasty though... so so tasty. Mmmm. I hope my dad didn't get me another photo album for xmas... or pyjama pants... or a brush. Actually I could use a new brush. That might be okay. He gave me a 50 dollar gift certificate to a store I rarely go to for my bday... I bought a couple shirts. Which I really like so I guess it all worked out. But still... woulda just rather had him give me a 50 dollar bill. Haha. Oh goodness... oh well. K, getting back to illustrator now... ;)

____________________

I remember why I started writing this. My new mouse is so sweet. It's fucking awesome having a wheel that scrolls up... *drools a little...*

I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby...

:S

I dunno. Tomorrow's probably going to be quite busy. Putting up the tree... hanging with mandy... possibly hanging with Jessica.... oh goodness. I'm so popular lately. It's odd.

No one ever wants to hang out with me. And now all of a sudden, I'm not seeing my mother in the evenings at all anymore.

This evening she asked me if I was going anywhere because the roads are really bad, and there's a lot of snow... and she strongly suggested i not go anywhere. I said too bad... she said where are you going? To Jordan's. Why doesn't he come here?... silence. Walk away... :P and she was like, I don't think you're spending enough time with me! And I was like... why do I need to spend more time with you? I've spent the last 20 years with you... and I said I was sorry, i should spend more time with her. But meh. We're putting up the tree tomorrow. So that's good enough... crap, I still have things to buy. UGH. So much work... damn it.

No money. Well... not true. but... no money coming in... again not really true. Oh, matured bonds, how I love thee. :P

Note to self... do that for my kids. It's totally awesome getting money for nothing except being old. :P If I ever have kids. Of course I want kids. Two. So the one isn't lonely. :P

Amy and I are going to New Zealand for four months. At the end-ish of April. Ooooo. I'm kinda stoked. :P

I'll miss this place though. And some of the people... ie my friends. And... whoever else is important then. If anyone. Hopefully someone...

Oh. I should maybe email kevin back, huh? Pff, whatever. I really do want that shirt though. Maybe I'll give him a candy cane for xmas. :P Probably will. Note to self: buy some candy canes and give them to people...? Also, I need to finish a couple projects I kinda started with Illustrator... I should really be drawing a lot more... but really... my days are spent trying to clean my room... getting distracted by friends or tv, and then going over to Jordan's. :P Haha. It's all pretty great. Heh.

Longest contiguous.. hehe... relationship ever. A week. Bravo everyone. :P Well, I guess the day's not over yet.

Last night after I left Jessica's... she invited me to stay for pizza so I did. She likes peppers a lot.... Gah, my mouth was on fire. :P But we watched the nightmare before christmas, so it was all good. Hehe. Nathan had gotten her a white gold necklace... it was pretty. Wow. But they've also been going out like... over 2 years?... probably... maybe. I dunno. Anyway.

So after I left Jessica's... :P I went and saw Mandy at work... and yeah. Continued our conversation... heh. And then I was like I was talking to Jordan on msn before I went to Jessica's and told him I'd be back in like an hour... :P That was like 3 hours ago. heh. And she was like ah... well you should go back to him then. And I was like... k... I dunno. haha. And then I got in my car and phoned him. And then went over there. And it was nice. We watched House. Which, thanks a lot, I'm almost addicted to now. Or... I need to see next week's anyway. Grr. But yeah...

We're getting a lot closer... I think he was touching my ass last night. it wasn't like hangin' onto it, so it was fine. I guess. haha. And... I dunno. We cuddled. Aww, I know. :P *rolls eyes* haha. It was nice though. I like him a lot.

And I plan on... doing pretty much nothing today. Maybe have a shower. Now. Maybe...

This morning, some dentist called for Carletta... and I was like I think you have the wrong number... and she was like... she said my number, and I was like yeah...... and she was like okay... bye. :P

It was weird. Phones are so very stupid. Indeed.

I really... can't wait for the iPod. I'm being such a greedy pig, but it's true. I can't. Gah! I'm totally stoked to have it on the plane... when I go to BC! Ahh! :P Haha. This year has been... pretty good. So fucking much better than last year. Oh god... yeah. Anything is better than last year... for me anyway. But yeah... woo.

Mandy came over for a bit today... she opened my new mouse... I hadn't opened it yet. the one from wes. Anyway... it's gonna take some getting used to... :P A mouse with a wheel that scrolls up... ooo. That's absolute class right there. I'm dead serious.

Anyway... hmm. Well... sposed to hang out with wes and jessica tonight, to celebrate jessica's bday (yesterday)... dunno if that's gonna happen? No one's told me what's going on. Mandy was gonna join us, but had to work. So we'll probably stop by there. Well.. I'm going to at least.

And yeah... Apparently I like to go on and on about some things, sometimes. :P To mandy... yeah. She said she wasn't getting annoyed... :P but I could totally see it in her eyes. Heh.



Ohh... wes just phoned... we're going to jessica's soon cuz she's having like a meltdown, cuz her hair went all wrong. :( So we're going to cheer her up. Maybe. Or assure her it's not that bad...? Oh goodness... and damn it, I'm not allowed to give her her present, cuz wes didn't get her anything. Haha. :P What a jerk... just kidding.

So... get home from Jordan's... it was nice... anyway...

I get home. There are... two... emails from Kevin. yeah, you read that right. Two. I should tell him I'm seeing someone. i really should. i want my shirt first though. Not that I don't think he'd give it to me if I told him before... I mean... he's way too nice to do that. And why would he want to keep a girl's shirt? Heh... but anyway. Yeah...

But to be fair, the second email was only saying that he looked up why I mentioned Keith richards and pirates together... and... yeah.

But enough about him.

Jordan's pretty awesome. He made me two grilled cheese sandwiches, which were delicious. Yum. And we watched how the grinch stole christmas... the cartoon. Cuz... the movie... sucks. And the cartoon was on tv, and i love it... anyway.

And yeah. I didn't leave til 330, and i didn't really wanna go... I like him.

And... yeah. I dunno... whatevah.

Werk jerk? Ha. Whatever...

I have to look for a job today. Sigh.

Everyone's all raggin' on me to get one, ya know? It's painful. Heh. But necessary I guess. Although when people push me so hard I sometimes get stubborn. And like... yeah, it's not good.

Um. Hopefully today, I will finally clean my room. Yesterday I started pulling all the stuff out of my closet, but then jessica phoned... and told me to go over to Wes'. So I did. And the stuff is still all sitting on my floor, in the way... oh well.

I need to go shower. And eat.

I can't wait for Christmas... oh crap, I need to get Chelsi something small... that will fit in an envelope... hmm. Damn it, it just never ends, does it? But Christmas is awesome... I'm totally excited to go to BC. Sorta... heh. Like... well yeah, I am. Cuz... yeah. It's just too bad that my cousin Raechel won't be there... she was gonna be but had to go back into the hospital cuz she wasn't doing well. She's the only one who loves, loves my thick hair. Ha. Last time I saw her... sheesh, like 5 years ago?... oh my. She just kept playing with it, it was hilarious. She's older than me... don't remember how much. But yeah... now that I'm older, I realize the extent of it all, you know? And it's scary. But anyway, hooray for being somewhat cryptic. Haha. Um... oh, i read some of my old lj posts last night... and I used to be so cryptic with it all... I can't remember what I was writing about half the time. Not cool. :P

Went shopping with my homeboy wesley today. It was awesome. He bought me a new "mighty mouse" (mouse for imac...) for xmas/grad/bday. Haha. I love him so much.

Then after that I went shopping with Jordan to find my daddy an external harddrive. And then Jordan said that he had one he'd sell me for 10 bucks. Hmm. So yeah. Bought that. :P It's only 12 gigs, but I'm sure that's plenty for dad.

Umm... so... yeeaaahhh... I dunno.

Oh, Jordan made me a mix tape. :P It's good. I like it... haha.

We also sat in his living room and tried to solve a "gold" sudoku puzzle. We failed. But then there was a bronze one in another day's paper, and I totally sorta kicked that puzzle's ass. He was my cheat button... meh.

Um... and yeah, that's about it...

Yep. Okay... oh, and I probably am going to go out to BC after xmas... I wanna see mah cousin, and go to the bar with him. haha. :P



I shall leave off with a joke, I just can't get over... :P

If you're Canadian going into the bathroom... and you're Canadian coming out of the bathroom... what are you when you're in the bathroom?

Anyone? Anyone? No?

European.

Gahahahahahaha. Yeah. Jordan told me that. it's one his stepdad tells... I think I would like his stepdad. :P I couldn't stop laughing at that...

So... I wemt over to Jordan's last night. It was cool. We watched... stuff. We watched half of Clerks 2 but I started falling asleep so we started playing this awesome computer trivia game instead... he totally lent it to me. Yay. Haha. :P It's hilarious... and yeah. Then South Park was on, had to watch that... I was just trying to remember what we did til 130... I guess I just flipped through the channels (he has so few, but no control over that...) and he like... leaned on me. Weird. But nice. I guess. Haha.

Oh goodness...

Then we watched South Park again at 2, cuz I was still there...but then I left at like 230, cuz I was super tired.

So yeah, then I came home, went online to tell him I got home safe... cuz he asked me to... and to install illustrator which he "BOUGHT" for me... *shifty eyes...*

And while I was on msn, I had about 9 emails, and I was like wow, that's strange. So I checked them. The first one there is from Kevin. Of course it is...

It was a long email... didn't say that much though. He didn't even mention if I would ever be getting my shirt... I don't know if I should tell him I have a "boyfriend" though. Like. I dunno. Maybe I'll wait a few days to answer it. Payback time. :P Except not.

But really, I feel bad. But I did have a chance to kiss him, kind of, and I didn't take it... maybe cuz I'm shy... or maybe I just didn't want to. I really have no idea.

I do know I like Jordan though... I'm still not sure why. Haha. Maybe cuz he's like... asking me questions and getting to know me... hmm. Like... genuinely. Ya know? Like ya know, whatever.

He likes to talk about his exes though, but I don't really mind, cuz it's not really in a good reminiscing way. It's more of a... one time... this happened. Blah. Ahkay, whatever.

Ever since Jordan sent me a song called Glycerine by Bush... I haven't stopped listening to it... basically. And I told him that. And the song now reminds him of me. Aw. Blah. Haha. He totally brought that on himself though for sending me such an amazing song...

Mandy brought up the fact that Tony used to send me songs all the time, and I'd fall in love with them too. I countered with... that's cuz Tony has amazing taste in music!... I had such a crush on tony. Still kinda do, but not really. :P

So yeah, I got woken up by the phone this morning... twas my aunt, she always calls saturdays... my mom's never here saturday mornings... meh. And then I came onto the computer.

Now I get to draw all weekend! I have added a printer to my christmas list. :) I hope I get one. A good one. Colour. Laser. Oooo. :P Yeah, so I'm pretty sure if work ever phones back, it won't be til like January... heh... ugh. So I am looking for another job. There was one in the paper for a graphic artist... which I had written a cover letter for, but got the date wrong, so I'll be sending it again on Monday. And I will also likely try to find this other place that does web design, because lordy lordy... their stuff looks really nice. And... I wanna know how to do that, and I think I could. So... meh? Yeah. Real life. Psh.

Haha. Last night Jordan was like... my school work is going to kill me... and I'm like yes, it will.

__________________________________

Oh wow. I just got an email from my dad, saying that my grandparents are very sincere about wanting to see me this Christmas... cuz they've seen all their other grandchildren this past year. Pretty much. And I'm like... why am I such a bitch to them? Oh, right. Because they're kind of... um. Well, okay, I pretty much only hold this against grandpa, and I think he was kinda kidding when he said it, but still, you say this to a fat 15 year old girl, she's gonna hate ya for a while. We were at the lake, and my friend Jessica was there too, and she started walking down the beach, and my grandpa said something like... don't you think you could use a walk? And I'm like... I just rolled my eyes and cursed at him in my head. And ran to go catch up with jessica and told her all old people should be put to sleep.

But I mean... they're not gonna live much longer, grandma's definitely losing it... it's so sad. And like... I dunno. I'm such a jerk. Dad said that cost-wise he'd work with grandpa and grandma to fund the trip. ha. So yeah, they must seriously not be doing that great... which is terrifying. But all my cousins would be there, and we all know how much I adore Seanny. :P Except I sort of insinuated that he was gay on msn one time, and I think he got slightly offended. He's not though. He told me that. :P I'm so ignorant sometimes it's really kinda funny.

So... I'm seriously thinking of taking them up on that offer. Unless I have to drive there. Then absolutely no deal, unless someone's coming with me, which isn't likely. Chris (brother) probably has to work. But... I mean.. what if I get a job this week? Hm? Then I can't go. And they're going like skiing and everything... and... oh god... it sounds like fun... but I've never been in on any of that stuff. They do that like every year, what makes this one different? The fact that I'm 20 and can get out there on my own this time? Probably. BC though... I was just there. I need to talk to mom about it. I'm really conflicted. But I mean if I'm flying.. that would be fuckin awesome then... but... how do you get plane tickets over Christmas when it's already December... hmm. Whatever. I should go though... but I dunno. They didn't even send me a birthday card this year... they did last year... they're so random at that.

Jordan's grandpa left him nazi money in his will. He showed it to me. It's fucking scary. And not worth much, cuz it's... nazi money. His grandpa's... group thing (ha I should really figure out words... ah well) had captured a nazi soldier and robbed him blind.

Okay, I'm done now. This was so long... took like an hour. Wow. Well.. I had to read that email between over like twice... cuz it was just so... I dunno. Weird.

It's like meeting the folks, but... not.

I don't want to become a love-sick idiot... but I might. You've all been warned. Not that I love him or anything.

Um.

So yeah, I hung out with mandy all day. It was fun. I told her lots of stuff about Jordan, and she told me how Ian's being retarded... :P

I love to hear that. Haha.

I'm a jerk. Oh well. But that's what you get when you live together...

But yeah.

Mandy wants to go bowling with me and jordan... and Ian. duh. I ... don't really want to double date?... I don't even like going out. I like sitting. But bowling is all right I guess. I told him she wanted to do that, and he's like cool... just remember I talk a lot when I'm nervous...

Oh, I know.

I know.

Why'm I so lame? I dunno. Why does he like me? This is a question I need answered, I think. It CAN'T possibly be because I'm... pretty... or... shudder, sexy. Ew? Haha. Yeah. Ew.

Mandy told Ian that my "boyfriend" is 25. And he was like... oh... she likes them older, eh?

Haha. Yep, apparently. And at least a foot taller, too.

I clearly have a type. Nerd. Check. Tall. Check. Glasses. Check. Funny...ish. Check. Yep, all seems to be in order...



Hmm. Apparently I didn't think this whole dating thing through. No, I didn't realize I would be expected to go out to dinner with this man. haha. Crap. I hate eating at restaurants, I don't know why... I think I'm slightly agoraphobic or something. Or just... am not a fan of public places. And like to be at home. Meh. Oh man. I'm so not a good girlfriend already. It's been a day. And I haven't even seen him since last night. Ha. Yep. I'm awful.

So... I guess I should say something.

I went and hung out with Jordan again this evening... I didn't see him yesterday... just for the record.

Anyway, he's "comfortable" with saying we're dating. So... we are. :P

Which is kinda neat... cuz he totally likes me. And I like him... for reasons I'm still not sure about. Haha. It's mutual... and that's kind of a first. :P

It's just.. comfortable, I guess.

Hmm. I'm still totally ... I dunno. Sketchy about his intentions, but that's only because I'm a paranoid person. Heh. As I should be... ah well.

But he knows I'm not... very... "experienced". :P. He actually asked me how inexperienced I was... geez. Meh. That was a couple days ago over msn, so it wasn't that bad...

:P Whatever...

K. Hung out with him like... all day.

He pirated programs for me, so yay. Haha. :P

Um.

Yeah.

He seriously wants in my pants, and if he keeps throwing lines like... "You're beautiful" at me... it's NOT going to happen. Gawd.

Seriously. What the fuck.

Maybe he really thinks that, but if he does, something is clearly not right in his head.

I'm being such a bitch, but he really wanted to make out with me... and I wasn't really... wanting to. Cuz. I dunno. I said I was tired cuz I was. ...am. Kind of. And then he reaches to like hug me and... probably kiss me... but... really. K. And I can't be like... I don't want to make out with you right now. Perhaps I should state my intentions. Or perhaps he should state his.

I'm totally terrified that if I do sleep with him, he'll just dump me the day after. :P I shouldn't be... but it happens. I think I do want him though... I have no idea why... :P

I'm not one of those people who enjoys people in my face a lot... haha. :P

I think my mom figures we're going out. He got his truck stuck in front of my house. Nicely done. So he rang the doorbell and I had to go press the gas while he pushed it out... jesus. :P I told him he sucks. And then I did not hug or kiss him goodbye a second time. I'm just that awesome. :P

But really. I'm like so totally conflicted about what I want. No, I'm really not. I know I'm not having "that" anytime soon. Not cool. And definitely not me. I will not do that just to do it, ya know? Grah. Not that I'm being pressured or anything. Blah.

Oh. Did I mention he wants to buy me an iPod shuffle for xmas? I told him he didn't have to and he's all... I don't have to do anything... it's the things I want to do I do. And I"m like... you're insane. Except I didn't say that I said... I guess...

He's insane. :P I would never spend 90 bucks on someone other than myself. That makes me a greedy piggy, doesn't it? I don't care. That's too much money. Especially when I'm no longer really working... gr.

But yeah.

He did say he gives great xmas presents and hardly anything for bdays. Not that I'm sure I'll know him my next bday, I'm not even sure if I'll be here, what with this New Zealand trip being planned... it's gonna rock by the way.

Not that I need anything for xmas from him... especially an iPod... I'm the tiniest bit freaked out by his generosity. Haha. :P He actually offered to buy that piano book I got... and I was like hells no. I HATE feeling indebted. And like... you just met me, for goodness sake. You really should not spend money on me. Ack.

I think my problem is that I'm just cheap. :P I get it from my mother... well I'm cheap when it comes to things for other people... not really myself. I mean... new computer, new video camera... which I need to start using again. Immediately. To make a video that is in my head. That added up... :P and that's how I lost it all in a game of pool. Anyway, I have to go to the bank, I guess... ugh. I DON'T WANT TO PAY MY CELL PHONE BILL. Rawr. :P

Maladjusted, just untrusted. Oh Eve 6, I heart you.

I made it a point not to hang out with him today. Though I basically talked to him all day on msn... cuz apparently neither of us have lives. Anyway.

He has the day off tomorrow and apparently so do I. I knew that... so that's why I didn't wanna see him today, so I wouldn't get sick of him, so I'd be able to see him tomorrow. :P I guess.

K. The way Jordan dresses... is certainly different from the boys my age... ya know cuz there's like a 5 year gap there. Ha. But whatever. He dresses... well.... he seems to care about the way he looks. Like a metrosexual. you know? That doesn't bother me, why should it? Maybe cuz he dresses better than I do? maybe... haha.

But whatever.

It doesn't matter.

He totally reminded me of Promise by Eve 6. He tried to send it to me, but I just went upstairs and got the cd. :P Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Eeeee. Hehe.

Ah. He just called my eyes stunning. And I laughed. :P And said I'm aware of that. But no one's ever said that. Man, he wants in my pants, or something... gawd.

and he keeps calling me cute. Maybe he's just lonely. I think that might be it. He's already told me a lot... dunno why. It's all quite interesting though. Hm. So yeah. We're like... watchin movies or something tomorrow. At my house, in case work phones (which they won't... ugh). Cuz... it's "pretty much dead there". Blah! So yeah. What I should do tomorrow is go apply at many places. But... that can wait til tuesday. Maybe...

My sweater smells like the lake. Which means it hasn't been washed since August. Haha. :P Gross... but whatever. I never wear it anyway... except when doing laundry. Ironic no? probably not. Whatever...

I'm sort of starting to fear that I just use men. To give me things. :P

I swear to god, I don't mean to. Maybe they're just really nice. I think that's it. I attract kind, (freakishly) tall men. Apparently. :P But seriously... I dunno.

K, cuz um... well, kevin hasn't emailed back since I answered his email (same day he sent it... bah), and so like... um... i dunno. But did I tell you he got me a shirt for my bday? It arrived, I just have not received it from him. And he burned all those shows onto discs for me? Dunno why... :P Said I wanted to see them i guess. And he's so fucking nice.

And now... Jordan is downloading dmg files for photoshop, illustrator and flash for me. Unbelievable. Niiice. :P I can't wait to begin using them once more. Hooray. :P I will totally perfect my death flash that my brother wrote... and... do a lot of shit. yeah. It'll be great. Whee.

But yeah.

I hung out with him today. We went shopping. I bought a muppets song piano book. It kicks ass and I'm trying to learn to play the fraggle rock theme. Yesss.

Anyway, while we were driving to the mall, our third stop, he grabbed my hand. I almost had a fucking heart attack, I tells ya. I had no idea what to do, so I just sat there letting him hold my hand. How dumb. Whatever.

No one... has ever grabbed my hand and held onto it like that. Why does he like me?

Sigh. So then he came inside... saw my computer. Sat with me, talked of his siblings, and how his sister is the same age as me, and a MOTHER. Can you imagine? Apparently she's a bit of a slut... or... kinda was. Ha. Black sheep indeed.

So now my mother knows of his existence. Good. She thinks I met him through a friend of dave. Yep, she's caught onto my little... lies. Just about. Whatever.

Um. And yeah. Then he had to go to his friend's house. And... yep. We kissed again, and it was weird. Again. Cuz I dunno. It seemed a little forced. Plus I was a little exhausted of him... cuz... well... really. He talks SO MUCH when he's nervous. And apparently he's still nervous around me. Oh man. He seriously just talked to talk. I swear. Oh well. He's still kinda awesome, so yeah. He's gonna teach me how to play a song on the guitar. It's gonna rock. At least it better.

He has like... I dunno. Something on his bottom teeth. And I need to ask what it is, cuz it was bugging the crap out of me. He doesn't seem to have very good good teeth. Which sucks. But I'm sure I'll live with it. Haha. Anyway. So.. yeah. And... now... I should go to bed, cuz uh.. I gotta get up. Blah, mother. We're goin to sundog! It's this crafty sorta fair thingy.. it's cool. Really. So yes.

I dunno what to do about this fellow... I think I kinda like him. Well, obviously I do... but... yeah. He likes holding hands... ew. :P

The "pizza-movie" date... thing.

Haha. Yeah.

So... it was fun. We ate pizza, sat awkwardly beside each other while watching some clone high, and then finally Donnie Darko. he said he liked it.

Then! We watched the new episode of south park... excellent. He loves south park too. Bahaha. And then we watched Conan. And then we watched the remainder of a biography about houdini. I told him I got tickets to go see David Copperfield in January and he was like burning with jealousy. Gahaha. Mom only got two tickets... so... and she bought them. I'm goin' with momma. Plus he's seen him... bastard. Anyway...

I didn't leave til 1 am. :P Got there at like... 7. Whoa, 6 hours. Yikes, I do like him. I didn't really wanna leave, but... ya know.

So he walked me to my car... I started it up, what should happen to be the number the cd is at is... Move Bitch. Yes. Great. Door wide open... us standing there... I gave him a hug... then looked back at my car... then he was like am I keeping you, do you wanna get in your car? And I was like... in a minute... maybe a second. And then I hugged him again. And then he looked at me like... I'm gonna kiss you now sorta look. And he did. And guess what, I kissed back. Apparently it was awkward and glasses-bumping. We rock. I thought it was okay... but I guess I was already up in the clouds, and just didn't notice. Haha. Oh god. HE MET GREAT BIG SEA. THEY BOUGHT HIM BEER. I was totally enamored after that story. :P Haha. Oh and while standing by my car he was like... you know what I wanted to do all night? And I was like... what? And he's like... I wanted to hold your hand (thank god he didn't, I can't sit and hold hands, geez... :P)and I was like oh... and he was like yeah... but the whole shy thing... doesn't really work. I kinda wanted to lean on him, cuz his couch is kinda sunken in, and I just think I woulda been a tad more comfortable, if not more awkward. Oh god, I'm rambling. Watch, this'll last like... a week. Except he is 25, so obviously more mature... and not into games, i hope. lmao, I can't believe this. I haven't even known him a week, and I already kissed him. Goodness, what next. I don't wanna know. Gah.

Sooo... yeah. I let him borrow Clone high. OMG. I never lend people my dvds. But I know where he lives, so I can get it back. And I know his number. Baha. Whatever... he's so... I dunno. I dunno why I like him so much. But I think I do. meh. That's it. Any questions? No? Good.

And now that I'm home, talking to him on msn... he was like... i dunno talking about how I blush lots, and then asked what would happen if he called me pretty. I said I would probably blush, and ask what the hell you were talking about. And he was like... cuz you are. And I was like... yep, blushing and confused.

Now. Why would he say this. This is what I've wanted to hear for a while. No one's ever told me I'm pretty. Except my dad, probably. But he's so full of crap. :P But anyway... I've updated this like 3 times.. haha. I dunno. I'm younger than like both his siblings, which I find... somewhat disturbing for... reasons... I don't know. :P Almost like he's robbin' the cradle but it's me... and I don't really mind that much. Cuz he's kinda cute. And... isn't repulsed by me. :P K, really shutting up now.

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Damn, December

My horoscope for today:

Take a break from the usual. A jolt of adventurous energy encourages you to go out on a limb. Little adventures lead to big ones. You may like some of your new choices so much that they become part of your routine.

It's scary because I obviously applied it to tonight and going over to Jordan's... still can't really believe I'm doing that, but whatever. Had a dream last night, where it was Friday and I forgot I was in a play.. haha... i was supposed to go over at 730, but it was 830 by the time I remembered I was supposed to go over to his place. Tried phoning, but couldn't remember the number. I dunno... oh, but I only remembered to call cuz my cell had rung, and I answered it like OMG I'm so sorry! And no one answered it, and it said it was 'home' calling... and I was like... uhhh... but my mom's right there... my mother and father had come to the play. Hahaha. But anyway, I started to think he had figured out where I lived, dunno how... and then broken into my house. :P But before I could really complete the though I woke up.

And that's it. Day off today.

Oh, but Jordan has done at least one good thing... he sent me a song called Glycerine by Bush. And damn, I'm addicted to it. Mmmm. So good.

And he called me cute again last night when I was talkin to him... heh. Cuz on msn my little 'second' name there is... "She rings my bell..." and he asked what that was from and I was like teenage dirtbag. It's like my favouritest song ever. Guffaw. :P (insert haha from him) ...but it is good. And it is my favourite. Aside from Come Sail Away. Also up there. :P and then he goes "You are a cute one aren't you"... and I'm like yeah.

Cuz we all know it's true. I'm fucking charming. :P Anyway... then the conversation somehow moved to him having small hands...? :P But like I care... that must be weird though to be like 6'2 and have 'small hands'. Hmm. Yeah, I've heard about men with small hands... they smell like cabbage. But I have small hands too, but I doubt his are as small as mine. Indeed. Oh. He plays the bass. Hot. :P Umm... I told him I try to play guitar but can't really... and I play the piano... and then I told him I play the accordion. I told him that because I crave attention and admiration. hahaha. He said accordions are cool. And I'm like.. not really, ... no here, ah the magic of copy/paste. :P

Jordan says: (10:23:30 PM)i used to play a lot more when i was younger
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:24:18 PM)yeah...
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:25:02 PM)i used to wanna know how to play everything...
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:25:54 PM)my dad had brought an accordion back with him from the east... and i was so amazed by it, he got me one. :P I love it... it's so nerdy and awesome... we used to play them together... heh, good times
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:26:15 PM)that was only like two years ago
Jordan says: (10:26:19 PM)you play the acordian?
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:26:35 PM)haha yeah.. kinda... i can play a few songs
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:26:43 PM)i like just making noise on it... it's hilarious
Jordan says: (10:26:57 PM)that is so cool!
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:27:10 PM)more dorky than cool... but yeah, it is
¤•~Kªty~•¤ says: (10:27:12 PM):P
Jordan says: (10:28:21 PM)i'm actually surprised that you are single, you are a lot of fun

lmfao at that statement. No one's ever called me fun. I'm the most boring person ever, I just... I dunno. I really don't know where that statement came from. But I also felt kinda weird when he said that. Cuz like. I am single though, right? :P lmao. Of course I am. I've never even given kevin a hug, there's no way in hell we're going out right now... :P Not that I thought we were. Never. Blah, nevermind.

So yeah, I guess he kinda likes me. Or something. Don't you love pasting your conversations on the internet? I sure do. But yeah. I know where he lives now. And soon he'll probably want to know where I live... maybe I'll tell him the reason I wanted to go over, was so he wouldn't know where I live. :P Cuz with xollin.. he began stalking. FUCK I HATE HIM. haha. :P He's been blocked for a while, not like he's really online that much anymore... why am I talking about him? I should just delete him, yet again... :P

Whatever. This guy's growing on me, but maybe he's just charming. Maybe he's really a giant asshole. Like his toronto roots would suggest. Lmao, I'm kidding. If he is, then... well... fine. No more him. But I'm not going to be toyed with anymore, those roller coaster mind games suck ass. :P Maybe it was just xollin's roller coaster I hated. Ha.

But I always have dreams about people who I kinda like at the time. Not... those dreams, just normal ones, where they're a part of it. Haha. I'm not going to repeat them cuz they're lame.. but yeah. :P None quite as exciting as 'missing the ... "date"'... haha. Whatever. Never had one about xollin though. That tell us something? :P

Oh. But the other night, he was saying how cold it is here and stuff... and... i dunno he mentioned how there are other things you can do to keep warm... and I was like damn, didn't I just say he hadn't insinuated anything yet... and then he went and did... so I was just like yeah... could start a fire. My friend has a fireplace. I like going over there for that reason.

but... if I do kiss him... and it's disgusting, I'm not doing it again. No second tries this time. It's always the same the second time. haha. Bleh. And then I have one more man to kiss, and if he fails to ignite something within me.. well... I think I'll have to try kissing a girl. :P If I can find one that's willing... hm. Jessica almost kissed me once. I really don't know why. I asked her what she was doing, and told her to go away. :P Or something like that, that was a few years ago. Meh.

Anyway, I'm bored of this now. But he seems genuinely fairly interesting, and thinks I am too, so... that's good. Maybe we'll be friends. Hahaha. Yeah... This actually took a while to write... :P dunno how long. At least half an hour. Wow. I suck.