So. I don't work tomorrow. Or, that is, they don't need me to. Whatever. But I have to phone Ken later in the day to see if they want me in next week... ? I'm glad I get a day to myself. Yay... tv. Sweet delicious tv. YES, I'll get to watch the daily show tomorrow afternoon. AWESOME. I miss it...

Anyway. Oh. I emailed kevin to make sure he wasn't dead... and he emailed me right back, apparently he was typing his email before he got my SECOND one... in a week. It took him a week... I quote "Sorry it took so long, I hope I'm not banished..." Um. Well. See, when you leave me alone for a week... I find other things to amuse myself. Haha. :P I'm an asshole. Whatever. I still wanna be his friend.

Anyway. Oh I got paid today. Like 500 bucks. Sweet. But it doesn't seem like enough to me. Working all the time sucks. And I could work all the time at taco time and get paid the same. Minimum. I need to talk with them. I mean, I had schooling for this job. I'm not just some random walk-in. ...whatever. I'll probably chicken out. Hopefully not. After the next check... before xmas. Maybe. I dunno, I just need money, I'm not exactly looking to be treated fairly, yet. :P Although it'd be nice.

So yeah. The plan is still to go over there tomorrow. Oh, but first I get to go to the bank and harrass the teller with many questions and demands. Of... I want a debit mastercard... and... put these checks into my account, and can i pay my telus (cell phone) bill here? And is there a fee for that shit? Gawd. The ridiculousness of being an adult.

I'm almost getting bored of him already. I think he is one of those know-it-alls... but I feel comfortable enough telling him, that what he's saying isn't that interesting to me. Sort of. Okay, not really. I think it though. :P

I'm an awful person, I really am. Oh well. I'm pretty sure I can live with that fact.

But it's not like I'm leading him on that much. Plus today, I kept replaying everything he had said last night... or what I could remember of it. I dunno why. I spaced out for a bit. Stupid mind numbing work, that got nail-bitingly down to the grindstone near the end of it, cuz ken didn't tell me he had sent the rest of the newsletter. Ugh. :P Oh well.

Can you believe I was worried that I'd be the boring one? Sheesh. Guys are so dull. Unless they're funny. Where's his funniness? Grr.

Maybe I'm just in a foul mood. Probably.

He wants to go out friday, and go to dinner... truthfully, I hate going out to eat at actual restaurants. Hate it. I totally avoid it whenever I'm able to. :P I'm slightly agoraphobic, I think. Or just lazy. Not that they're the same thing. Far from it.

I still don't know what this guy's intentions are. I'm so not clear on that. But... whatever I guess. I'm pretty satisfied he won't kill me. And if he does... well... I probably deserved it. No, I wouldn't. But I reallly shouldn't meet people from the internet. It's a scary place. And creepy. Oh crap. hahaha. Shit.

I think I just um... crap. I told him the song from the commercial of this game he's drooling over is from donnie darko. He said he hasn't seen it. I said I own it. And I could lend it to him, or sit there and make him watch it. He said he'd rather watch it with me than watch it alone.... wait... haha, whatever. Don't analyze that. Anyway... so I said well why don't we watch that on friday instead? And he's like... and order pizza? And I'm like I love pizza. Fuck. :P So.. then he's like your house or mine? And I'm like... uh... yours? And he says... 'lol i had better do the dishes then'. Ha. Hmm... shit. I'm not having sex with him, and I hope he doesn't think I'm gonna. Gross. :P I really don't think he's like that though. He's never mentioned anything sexual to me at all, so... good. And damn, I feel almost slightly, but not really guilty.

1) my mother doesn't know I meet people from the internet
2) kevin... what the hell. I want my shirt, but want to... I dunno. Why doesn't he just tell me he loves me? :P I'm kidding, I'm sure if he couldn't live without me, he wouldn't be so good at avoiding me.
3) ...this is going to get me killed one day, which is why this is the absolute last time I'm meeting someone off the net. Unless someone amazing comes along. And I'm talking, goddamn amazing, like... I neeeeed to touch you amazing. Haha. :P Whatever.

So. Yeah. Pray for me. :P Or not. Ya know. Whatever. Nothing will happen, you'll see. Nothing. Right, Katy? Right. You're right. Plus he has to work saturday morning so there ya go. There ya go... oh god. Now, how do I tell my mother how I met this man?... haha. I usually just tell her I meet them through dave... my friend, whom, apparently I don't seak to anymore, but told her i had coffee with last night. :P Haha. Whatever. Maybe I'll tell her I'm going... somewhere... with amy? Yeah, she'd believe that... pff. I don't party. She knows that. Tell her the truth? Also wouldn't work. Uh uh. I'll think of something. I'll probably tell mandy about this when I see her tommorrow, and use her as an ... alibi. :P Just for this time. I used wes for one once, but I ended up being out past 12 on a school night... and my mom kept phoning his house, and he told her where i really was... out with dave, who she didn't know about yet... :P, so then i had to come clean. But like. I'm 20 now. I can do as I damn well please. Basically. Right? It's my life. Whatever. I'm scared of my mother... and her thoughts about me.

All right everyone, it's okay. No need to panic. I'm here. Safe.

He's interesting, I'll give him that. He kept making me blush though, I'm not sure how... ugh. :P Well... first of all, I don't handle compliments well. He was like those pictures on that site don't do you justice... and I was like... oh god, and glared at him. Seriously. He said I scared him, it was such an evil glare. Not sure why I did that. Ah well.

But anyway. He's nice. But weren't they all? What makes him different? I dunno. The fact he's 25, and so much wiser than i... hahaha.

:P

Yeah, I'm almost crushin. But whatever.

He talked a lot, but he says he talks a lot when he's nervous. So. He was nervous... I'm going to assume. Heh. But yeah.

Holy crap, he said he always tips 5 bucks. I have never tipped that much in my entire life. So I tipped her 4 cuz that's what my hot chocolate woulda cost (I had two cups, it was watery...), and like... I dunno it was funny the way he made me sound cheap. Cuz I am. He paid the bill... cuz I tipped. :P

Oh. And oh my god. So many good songs plays while we were sitting in cheesetoast. Ice ice baby for example. And some kickass G n'R... and then... thriller. And oh man. Hahaha. He was like do you own this album? And I was like no... I don't know what's wrong with me... and he's like yeah.. you know it's illegal not to own it in some countries. And holy shit, can you believe I believed him for a millisecond? I'm such an idiot. And he had a good laugh at my expense... so did I... wow, he's sounding like a bit of a jerk in this entry, but he's really not. He's very nice.

Um. Apparently he thinks I'm "cute". I knew that already... geez. :P How come I'm not pretty?... whatever. Guess I just have a cute face and that's all it'll ever be. Oh well. That's not so bad. Cute's good... I guess.

But enough about my insecurities... I had a hell of a time driving there, even though it was like 6 blocks away. It's so icy out. Gah.

Oh, things he told me (haha :P, I'm such a wiener):
- He used to weigh like 350 pounds... wow. Good for him for losing that...
- He's terrified of walking across bridges because when he was younger he saw someone fall off... they were okay, but... I can see why that would be traumatizing. Shame, really. I love bridges. :P
- Umm... he actually said a lot of stuff. He's so old and more experienced than I... wow. I'm such a child, but that's not such a bad thing. I don't think it is anyway. I embarrass easily though. He noticed that.

Anyway, haha... yeah. He said we should do something again, and I guess we should. He jsut doesn't have any friends, that's why he wants to hang out... but whatever. :P Someone who wants to spend time with just me... it's kinda nice. Bleh. :P

Oh. Okay, I came back here to add something... oh right. He doesn't look at all like his picture. Well, I guess he looks sorta like it... but... meh? How come no one ever looks like their picture?... whatever. He looked a little too um... serious in that picture anyway. Oh, and yeah, he does wanna be a lawyer... he almost started talking about it too. That would have been... boring. :P jk. I find it kinda interesting. I'd never be able to be a lawyer though... just cuz. I don't have that kind of motivation. I'd much much rather sit around all day. :P Watching precious tv... yeah. Okay. Off on a tangent... it's nice out here. I like it. Alright. That's enough.

So... I'm an idiot, and can't not meet people. :P I'm going for coffee with Jordan in like half an hour... mainly cuz I felt sorry for him that he doesn't know anyone here. Meh. So... like we're meeting there though, i'm not being that stupid this time... again. He offered to come get me, but I'm not letting him know where I live just yet. :P

But anyway. So then I can stop thinking about him all the time. Or think about him more. Hm.

5 years though. I don't think I'll ever get over that. It's too weird. And I'm cold. But I mean, Dean Cain is 20 years older than me... but that didn't deter me from loving him. Ha. Whatever. Gross, katy, stop it. Okay. Ummm... so... yeah. Hopefully he's not an asshole.

So if I don't blog when I get home, I will... if I don't though, I'm probably dead. By a crazy man. He said he was fairly satisfied that I am not an axe murderer... but I mean... what about him? I'm not totally sure. Oh well. Take a chance... live a little. Blah. Ugh. So cold... hopefully I won't be all psychotic... or anything.

And... he looks *a little* like Dave... remember coffee guy? He's online now, but I don't wanna talk to him... cuz... he thinks I'm psychotic. ME. Pff, yeah, I know. Ah well. I'm talking to 'Serge' anyway. :P Or... he's talking to me... we're having a conversation. Whatever. Fine, his name is Jordan. Haha. Serge. :P I can't fake name people. I just can't. It's not my style... meh. If I get found out, I get found out. Not like I'm trying to hide who I am... whatevs.

Ha. Someone named... hmmm should I use real names? Sure ... no. Not this time. :P

Let's call him... hmm... Serge. Sweet. Hahaha. Someone names 'Serge' messaged me on the site I met kevin on... and he then added me to msn. He's kinda cute. He's 25, though. 5 years difference. Meh. But uh... everytime I talk to someone new... I feel bad, cuz kevin's always in the back of my mind. For some reason. I guess cuz he buys me things. For some reason. I still have to see kevin again cuz he's gonna give me my shirt... so... I WILL hug him then. Maybe kiss him, I dunno. Depends. :P

But why do I feel guilt?... it's weird. Whatever. I should go to bed, so's I can get up. Fuck, I don't wanna go to work... :(

My grad was today.

I graduated - with honours. Ooooo. :P

me smart.

Um... so yeah. After the grad... we were all just hanging out... we took a few class pictures... that was interesting. :P After the pictures shawn (my teacher) asked me if I was still doing some stop motion stuff... I said not really, but I wanted to do more.. get back into it. He went off about... a lot of stuff, some I couldn't hear :P but uh.. yeah. He mentioned this show based in nova scotia called poko. It's a stop motion show for preschoolers... yeah. It looks really well done. Gah.

Oh. I have to write my stepmom a letter. Send it tomorrow. Telling her what I want for xmas. :P And other news... of the like.

So yeah. It was good to see everyone again I guess. Not that I really ever talked to them anyway. But it's nice to be officially graduated and done and... everything. Wanna know somethin' funny? My brother was working bar at my grad. Ha. So I went and bugged him a little. :P So the whole family was there.. yeah.

So I will be doing more stopmotion as soon as I get a story... cuz I mean I bought all that clay... only used it once... kinda sad. Um. That's about it. I need to watch smallville tonight. I totally forgot last week, cuz it was the day before wes' bday, and so I went and watched the incredibles... yeah.

Oh, did I mention kevin burned a bunch of battlestar galactica episodes for me? :P I've never seen it... but uh.. I hear it's kinda good. Ha. So I will watch them, when I figure it out... they're in avi format and therefore... more of a... sticky thing to watch, cuz I gotta figure out what I need to watch them... whatevs. Shutting up now. Byeee.

Yawn.

I had a bacardi breezer this evening, cuz wes had bought them for me when he went to Edmonton a few weeks ago... didn't give it til me til tonight though. Hm.

So I'm a tad tipsy cuz I haven't drank in a while. Not that tipsy though. Wish I was however. Cuz then I'd have an excuse to write a weird email... to someone. Kevin. :P Yeah... oh man. I'm such a wiener. Ah well.

Jessica knows about wes's suicide attempt now. Yes, that's what it was. He did it all on purpose. ... so when I drove her home from his party that's what we talked about. And how much we want him around. And how she's going to tell his mother. Cuz he's not. Which is fucking ridiculous. I mean... she deserves to know, right? She's been through a shitload in her life, and not having her son anymore would surely drive her mad. If not just ... whatever. Dunno what I'm saying.

I'm g oing. G'night.

Oh. I'm back at work on monday, so apparently I'm not um... killing things there. Which i s good. Yeah.

Oh. And I went to the bookstore on my lunch break to buy the postsecret book, cuz I'm totally fascinated by the concept... but the book was larger than I expected and so didn't buy it. And that's my secret. It was too big for me. Hahaha. Oh how ridiculous. It's just a book... but I looked at it too, and didn't think I could really read it over THAT much... I mean. I dunno. I like seeing their blog updated every sunday instead. There's a link to it on the right there... k, going. Cya.

Hooh man.

So tonight, at about quarter to nine, Mandy came over. With Ian, of course. Whatever.

They came over in the middle of the Office, and therefore had to watch the rest with me. When Mandy saw it, she was like oh, this show... And I was like, oh it's on now. In my head. "this show?" THIS SHOW is only my favourite. Urgh. But whatever...

Anyway, at nine we started watching the oc. Season 1, continuing our marathon. Only.. the two episodes we watched were especially sappy, because they had to do with holidays. And mandy and ian were sitting on the couch like they always do, and cuddling. It got to me this time.

I'm sick of... being alone. Like really. I dunno. But I don't wanna tell kevin I like him when I'm not sure... ya know? I know I like him, but in what way... that I'm not sure of. Urgh.

It's just... and like... in the episode Marissa told Ryan she loved him, and mandy started giggling... and then ryan said thank you, and mandy giggled more. I was not amused. I glared at her (unintentionally) and she stopped. :P And then marissa said you're welcome and she started again. Whatever. I had to come downstairs to get away from them a few minutes after that incident.

She just... I don't know. I hate how Ian has to be with her clinging onto her every fucking second. Christ. Like... really guy, get a hobby. Well... he plays drums. But he should start scrapbooking or something. Except they would probably only be books about mandy. Now that's a good read... bleh.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I love them both dearly... but... really. If ... I dunno. I guess I'm just gloomy, cuz I've been working (a lot... what the hell... psh, real life) and it's nearing the holidays. But I love Christmas. Absolutely adore it. I can't wait for it. I dunno. And New Year's. What am I supposed to do for it? Mandy's probably going to be with Ian at one of his friend's parties... I wouldn't be surprised anyway. Whatever. Whatever.

Mandy and I used to spend new years together. Well... the last... 3 years? maybe just 2. No, 3. K, I don't know. But it's enough to make it almost a tradition. Who cares, though, right? Nobody. Except me.

Life is moving way too fast for me. I was sitting at "my" desk today, thinking, how the hell did I get here? ...

Don't you love self-pitying entries? I know I do.

I really miss shawna. I keep meaning to write my stepmom a letter, but... I should do that now, but I don't wanna. Maybe tomorrow at lunch. Yeah. Oh god, life. Bosses. Money. I don't know when I get paid. I don't know if I'm working everyday now... I seem to be... this week I will be at least. Did. Forget it, nevermind. I have to shower. Goodnight.

Pirates 2

Was good. I guess. I dunno. Not as good as the first, BUT... I kinda liked the "ending" of this one... if only because... mmmy favourite character from the first one. Whom I was obsessed with. Oh, *spoiler* Geoffrey Rush. Swoon. :P

But yeah. So I picked Kevin up at... 10 after 6... I kinda sat in the car, hoping he'd come out, otherwise I would have had to go up to the door... ahh! But he came out. Ha. Anyway... I dunno. I enjoy his company, but like... before this evening, I was like I should kiss him. But... I didn't feel it. At all. Kinda like... he's just a friend. Hm. Whatever though. The way I've been rattling on about him, I was sure I'd ask him to marry me.

Anyway. So we got there... bought the tickets... he paid... :S I didn't even say anything, but then he was like do you want popcorn or anything, and I was like yeah, but I can get it. And I did. Yay me. Cuz I ate it all myself. I didn't even share. I'm such a mean piggy. Actually the bottom of it was kinda salty, so I didn't eat it ALL... ummm... oh, they weren't letting people into the movie yet, so kev was like let's go walk around zellers... see if they have a wii on display. And I was like... k. So we did. And I walked whilst pigging out on my popcorn. :P And yeah. Surprise, they didn't have one. Knew they wouldn't. Then we went back to the theatre, and sat. Played the trivia before the movie began... I got a few right. So did he... meh.

Anyway. He seemed to kind of enjoy it. Ummm. Oh, when I picked him up I asked him how his day had been... he said not that great, when he got up the battery in his car was dead... and then on his way to work, someone rear-ended him.

Not as bad as MY morning though. Well. In all actualness it wasn't really that bad. An accident would have made it horrible though. But whatever. Wesley phoned me this morning at like 7. He needed me to come pick him up from the hospital. I said why are you at the hospital? (I'm not allowed to say... I deleted what I worte a few minutes ago, after speaking to him and being told I'm not allowed to tell anyone).

...

Yeah.


However, I only told kevin, that my friend phoned me to pick him up from the hospital, cuz he had taken something he shouldn't have. And kevin was like uh-oh!

When we were walking to zellers though, he said "We can't rewind..." And I was like OH GOD, DOES HE KNOW ABOUT MY BLOG?! :P Hahaha. That'd be rather humourous if he did. And mortifying. I hope you're not reading this. Really.

At work today, they let me design stuff. It was neat. And... that was my day... I don't wanna go back tomorrow! :P I kind of do, but my stuff will be looked at... and... told how crappy it is. Blah. Whatever. I tried. I have no inspiration to do the little things on the bottoms of calendars with business names on them. Urgh. :P

Way to go, Katy. Now he thinks you're crazy. :P I sent him that second email... left the computer. Come back, he has replied to both. hm.

Why can't he just reply when I send it?... whatever.

We're going on wednesday... I'm pretty sure. If I'm not exhausted.

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. :( But I do. I dunno. they're all nice... the people who work there. A couple (older) guys who work in the back kept asking me if my shoulders hurt yet, and if I was sick of punchin holes. :P I replied yes to both.

Oh man. Kevin said he bought a 'meh' flask. I am assuming that means it has 'meh' engraved on it. note to self. Steal that. :P Not that I ever use a flask... cough.

#250

Work was fine, I guess.

Long. And... fairly monotonous. I forgot half the people's names. Meh.

Not like I really need to know them yet.

I punched holes all day. I'm not joking. I sat there... and punched the holes with the machine using this foot pedal thing. Whatever. I didn't leave til 520. And the pages still weren't all done bein' punched. Ha. Ridiculous.

If they make me do that shit everyday, I'm sure I won't last 6 months. My poor fingers. My thumb is totally sore. Wah. :P

I have to go in again tomorrow at the same time. Blah... So we can only hope it won't be a full day of punching holes again. The boss apologized for making my first day so boring though.

Me alone with my thoughts is incredibly boring. Yeah. Usually I have distractions... like... computer. But not at work... Anyway.

Kevin... still hasn't emailed me. I think he might be dead. Which is really too bad, cuz apparently, he did get me a shirt for my bday. Awww. :P Maybe he's waiting for me to email him again? I don't know. But whatever.

At least it's fairly "easy" work... I'm exhausted though. Almost. I went to see Borat with Wesley cuz it's his bday. It was pretty great. :P If not disturbing at parts... one part.... yeah. Too much hairy naked fat man. Bleh. But still funny.

I have a headache.

And I'm nervous about tomorrow.

And why hasn't kevin emailed me back? I didn't send a second email, cuz I feared that would make me seem... I dunno. I just don't want to annoy him.

I should go to bed now, so I get up in time. And... get to work on time. Hm. Haven't had to worry about that in a while... getting to school, yeah, but that... didn't really matter that much I figured near the end. :P I was always late the last month of school.. Only like 5 minutes, but still. Not cool.

The house stinks of cabbage rolls. I can't stand the smell. It's absolutely disgusting.

Yes, I'm going to go read, and then go to sleep. Been a long day. heh.

I feel kind of conflicted. Should I be more annoying? Or... less. Am I even that annoying yet? Hmm. After I emailed kevin back friday morn', he still hasn't emailed me back. I don't... get it. Why are some people so slow. I know he's slow, but sometimes he gets faster at responding... and that gets me thinking, well, he should do that everytime. But... he doesn't?

Something's really wrong with me. :P

I want to... hang out with him. But. I don't know what to say. When I see him, whenever we see that movie, I'd like to ask him if he likes me or not. But I doubt I will.

I talk to collin on msn out of boredom still. :P I'm such a jerk. But whatever. I need to be entertained somehow.

Ummmmmm... bleh. I had pizza with my brother tonight. I think it was like... laced with laxatives. Guess you get the picture. Yeah. But when we went into the pizza place to like.. order it with our coupon... one of the guys who was talking on the phone was staring at me. Maybe it was just me, but I think he liked me. :P I did have "pretty" night goin' on. Cuz my hair is kinda straight from being in a pony tail all yesterday... so much nicer straight... yeah.

Apparently the norwalk virus is going around saskatoon. My mom's totally paranoid. I don't go outside, so I'm not worried. :P

But yeah. I finished cleaning around my computer... it's all tidy now. It's nice. I can see the picture of little me and little shawna now. It's sitting north-east of where i'm sitting. About 12 inches that way. Yeah. It's cute. :P I tried to paint it after she died, to send to my stepmom... but... it turned out absolutely horrible. Ha. Cuz. I can't paint.

Tomorrow I need to go to the mall to buy wesley's birthday present. The Incredibles. I like that movie too. I'll probably steal it from him. :P Anyway, it's like 130 ay em, I should go to bed. Or at least go read. My goal is to finish "I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can" before I start work. :P Probably won't happen. Cuz... I have things to do tomorrow. Meh.

I'm totally freaked out about work too. I'm so nervous. Everyone who works there is like... I'm sure the youngest person is like mid 20's. And... they're all... average height to tall. :P I'm afraid they won't like me, that's all. But whatever... no, not whatever. ugh. Just.. be cute. ha. Oh god.

Oh. I think I'm going to try to come up with a storyboard to do a stop motion with the song by Styx entitled "Come Sail Away". My favouritest song in the world. :P Except... that probably won't happen. It's like... a 6 minute song. :)

I am so disturbed right now.

I'm trying to organize the shit around my computer... there's a lot. Not sure why. But anyway. I'm sort of trying to make it like an 'office' or something. I have no idea. After I'm done down here, my room is the next step. Trying to prove to myself I can be super organized, I guess.

Anyway. to the point. I found a notebook. There are very few pages left in it... but in the middle of the 25 pages that remain (I estimated), a poem. A poem my brother wrote in 1999. About a girl. I remember this girl. I knew he liked her. She had a boyfriend, I'm sure. I dunno. I remember being a little bastard while she was here, and being like... so are you guys going out or something? And her being like shut up. I have a boyfriend. Maybe it didn't exactly go down like that. But really. Anyway, the poem is crap. :P So disgustingly sappy and needy. Reminded me of Collin's poems.

I have to keep this poem hidden from my brother. And bring it out when he least expects it. Bahaha. I should give it to him for xmas. Oh man. I would die of laughter. He might cry, if he acts like collin too.

So yeah. I'm really disturbed. I hate finding new sides of my brother. :P The gushy side. It's gross.

But just cuz they write/wrote the same, doesn't mean a thing. It just means they're both sensitive. And. Baby-ish. :P We can't all be as not-poem-writing-my-feelings-out as me. :P Don't get me wrong. I love poems. But not sappy ones. Written by amateurs. :P Published poems are the only ones to read.

In english in grade 12, we had to re-write "a part" of the to be or not to be speech in Hamlet. I re-wrote the whole thing about hating burger king. Hahahaha. My teacher loved it. I should try to find it. I wonder if I still have it on the computer upstairs. yay, a distraction.


I found it! Yes! hahahaha. And now, read my amazing-ness:

Small Hands of the King of Burgers

To mop, or not to mop: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the hand to suffer
The pains and bruises of gigantic handles,
Or to take arms against a bucket of water,
And by opposing end it. To mop: to clean:
Forever; and by a mop to say we clean
The floor tiles, and the thousand dust bunnies
I missed sweeping up, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be miss'd. To mop, to clean;
To clean: perchance to slip: Ay, there's the rub;
For in that fall of death what lawsuits may come,
When we have forgotten to put out the wet floor sign,
Must give you cash: there goes my job
From which dough rolled in for six long months:
For who would bear the intolerable "guests":
The morning's the worst, I cannot read minds,
The pang of annoyed eyes, the kitchen's delay,
The insolence of some people, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When she herself might this job quit, make
Without any notice? who else would do it,
To serve and stock the drink station endlessly,
But that the dread of finding a new job,
The previously ventured path whose track
No traveller likes, apply at will,
And makes us rather bear the ills we have
Than fly that course again and again?
Thus conscience makes me reliable, I couldn't walk,
And thus the dull hue of cowardice
Is seen through the pale cast of thoughts,
And the mop is even bigger and wider now
Because there are so many other things
I'd rather do, than mop.


I. Am. So awesome. hahahaha. I can totally see why she wanted to keep the copy I handed in. It rocked. hard! I got 100 on it too. Of course. Cuz I did the whole thing instead of just a part. And this has been one of the longest entries I've done in a while. woooo! I have no idea how I wrote such a masterpiece. haha. I'm kidding. Man. Whatever. I also wrote a poem in grade 8 that my teacher adored and thought was beautiful. Hmm. So I guess... only my amateur poetry is the stuff that should be read. :P Kidding. But it's cuz I don't write sappiness. Back to cleaning.

Thanks for the good luck, guys!

I got it. I start on monday at 830, and I'm bindering and coiling! Yay! Hahahahah. I'm pleased.

I think it might just be part-time. But I don't care. It's not dealing with food. Hooray! :P

Oh. and kevin emailed me back this morning. He said he'd like to go to the movie. Awesome. :P Maybe I can drive this time... in the rav 4. Oooo. :P I don't know how long my car is going to take to get fixed. At least a week. Interesting. Umm... so yeah. I didn't tell him I had an interview though... actually I did when I emailed him back, cuz I was nervous. :P But he hasn't emailed back. I suggested wednesday for the movie. And yeah. That's it. Life is kinda good now. So excited I got that job. :P Should be somewhat interesting. I hope. :)

I sent kevin an email this evening, cuz he actually initiated conversation this afternoon, which was nice...

And then he sort of... stopped answering me... haha. But he was at work, so I'm sure he was doin' stuff. Right...

Anyway, I basically asked him to go see pirates 2 with me. We might get an answer tomorrow. Telling me when he can go.

So. We shall see if he responds with a hells yeah, wednesday. :P Um.

What else. I'm a little nervous for tomorrow... I hate interviews, I suck so much ass at them. Ugh. just... be happy! Ahh! Okay.

Oh. Mandy, Ian and I had an OC marathon today. haha. It was... the new episode this evening was terribly weak in comparison to season 1. :P

But uh... hm.

Oh. I took my car in to get fixed today. Got a loaner. A rav 4. :P It's... neat. I guess. If you like that sort of thing. haha. It's growing on me... meh.

I should take a picture of it. I will. Tomorrow.

I'm getting more nervous as 1pm friday approaches. Gah. I'm so gonna fail. Ugh.

Oh. And I watched A Goofy Movie, yet again, before Mandy and Ian came over. It was awesome. I loooooove that movie in an unhealthy way... most likely.

Don't Let's Start

I'm totally loving They Might Be Giants again. They rock.

Anyway. What an... a... somewhat eventful day. Sort of.

I went and applied for the press operator job. then I went to market mall, resume in hand to give to taco time... but... I just couldn't do it. :P

but whatever. About an hour after I got home, the place where I did drop off a resume phoned... informed me that I wasn't really what they were looking for... for a press operator. :P But we did set up an interview for a... answering phone.. customer... binding... thing. But I could learn so much about the industry, and yeah. It would just... I dunno. It'd be quite an experience if I do get it. which I hope I do. Cuz he said that later, as the company grows, they might need another prepress person... which means design, baby. :P Not that they'd like anything I do. Heh. Sigh. Maybe they would. It wasn't all bad.

But whatever. My hopes are sort of getting up there again. :S Not cool. But! The thing that convinced me to go apply was my horoscope today :P read: It's time to realize that you create your own luck. Sometimes you can get so caught up in making other people comfortable that you don't speak up or snag an opportunity when the time is right. Step up before it's too late.

Crazy, right? But whatever. So. I know, the key is to just be confident and not shy, cuz they want me to be at the front dealing with people (goodness, you just... can't get away from people in life... but whatever. People aren't that bad.) So yeah. Just. Be confident. Not your usual shy self. :P Ugh. Being shy is horrible. I'm going to just... be me. Normal. Pretend I'm talking to mandy or something.. haha. :P Maybe not a good idea... maybe talking to a friend... yeah. I'm not afraid of my friends. For the most part... :P But yeah, so, I just don't wanna jinx this. :P that's why I waited til 20 after 9 to share the news. :P Couldn't keep it in anymore. So. I'd like to get this job, because it would mean not dealing with food. Or (hopefully not) grouchy hungry people. :P So... woo! Hopefully they'll love me! :P And hopefully I'll be able to speak clearly... and.. not mumble. Oh crap. Need to practice. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." Haha. Oh, the office. How I love thee. :P Not that I think the real world is actually like that or anything... cough.

Oh, boys. Haha. I need a hobby, damn it!

I spent the last hour reading old emails from boys. :P

I realized I haven't seen Kevin since May. Hmm.

I realized that Dave did really actually have some kind of genuine interest in me. Damn it! Why am I so awkward?! Oh well. It's over. Heh. Sigh.

I realized... well actually I didn't get through all of them, cuz I was starting to get depressed... haha. Why? because I was sitting here reading emails. Duh. Anyway. So... I think either tomorrow... or... Friday... I'll email kevin, say that I know I've probably been sort of annoying lately, and then subtly mention that we haven't seen each other in 6 months-ish. Haha. And subtly mention pirates is at rainbow now... and that I wanna drive and pay this time. :P Doubt he'd go for that... he seems to like to spend money... on people. Which I mean is fine, but not really. Makes me feel like I'm using him. Which I don't like.

See? I'm doing it again. Blogging instead of doing things that need to be done. Like... dumbing down my resume, so I don't seem too terribly overqualified to work at taco time. :P Hahaha. Oh goodness.

I mean I just wanna make out with him before I go to New Zealand, and since we don't seem to see each other very often...

Actually. Remember in July and he emailed me his address? He said I should stop by to watch some shows on dvd sometime. Can't believe I never took him up on that. Goddamnit. I suck. Haha. Oh well. I want him to like me now, and that's all that matters. :P

Alright. So.

I'm going to New Zealand in the spring with Amy!!!

Haha. I know I was gonna tell her I didn't wanna go... but her mother sort of convinced me, and Amy did as well... and now we're both super stoked. :P

Eeeee.

So. I'm going to get a job at taco time tomorrow. Hahaha. I just need money, and I mean... it can't be THAT much worse than bk. cuz this taco time won't have a drive thru.

So. It'll be good guys. It'll be good.

And then when I get back from NZ... I can look for a job, and might be preferred over someone else who hasn't traveled the world. :P And I'm sure nz will inspire me. I'm so excited... and sort of scared. But whatever. Suck it up. Face it. go for it. All that crap. :)

blogblogblog instead of doing stuff...

They give pills to focus right? Not that I'd take them.

Ha. Okay. TOMORROW... is my day for driving around. It snowed a bunch again and the roads are bad. I know. it's like some kind of sign or something. :P A sign that's saying... katy doesn't need to work. I wish. BAH.

BUT. My mother said that she'd phone her friend who works at this photography/flyer making place... thing. Not sure why she didn't tell me about it before. But. Yeah. So maybe I could be like their gopher or something. Oh god. I just don't want to work with food, but that's all there is... it seems. Cuz it's so crappy. Urgh.

I freaked out at my friend dave on saturday, cuz he wanted me to read his essay over, and make suggestions and shit. First of all, he asked the wrong person. And then he gets all mad... and whatever that I'm not telling him what to do. I don't write essays anymore. I don't need to. Please don't try to blow up my brain by making me work when I don't give a shit about what marks you get. Do your work on time.

So yeah. Haven't talked to him since Saturday. I'm sort of thinking I should say something to him like... hello... but... I don't want to. Meh. Tomorrow. Everything can be done tomorrow.

Pirates 2 is at Rainbow. The question is... should I tell kevin this and ask him to the movie? Or... wait it out... by which I mean... wait til he initiates conversation. I'm sick of starting it. :P Blah. Whatever. Today is just ridiculous.

Okay, world. Lesson learned.

You wait too long to do something about your life, and the opportunities slowly fizzle away. Damn it.

I looked in the paper this morning, and the only job that I wanted that remains is the press operator. Maybe the other ones only paid for a week or something? I'm freaked out. Cuz I don't even really want that job. At all. Blah. But I need to be not so picky... but I can't help it. I'd like my sanity to remain intact.



AddED: Okay. So I'm going to apply for the press operator job. I'm really doubting that I'll get it, cuz I'm starting to really want it. :P But my chances of obtaining it are slim. Unless NO ONE ELSE HAS APPLIED. Which I'm sure isn't true. But.... I dunno. I'm not even sure what I would be supposed to do if I got it. but whatever. I just don't want to work at taco time. ...sigh.

I think I'm gonna have to tell Amy this is a horrible time in my life to leave the country for a year. :P She's gonna be upset... but... she's a big girl, I'm sure she can handle it. Like... I dunno. It really depends if I get this job. Or a job. A real job. Ugh. Just have to be honest with her... bah.

Triangle Man hates Person Man

Ha. You know... it's funny. When you're addicted to something it's always hard to get over it.

I almost went 3 days without signing into that site. :P I signed in with the mindset, he won't have looked at my profile. He did. Today. Seriously, I think he's just... hmm. I dunno. Whatever.

In a sick way, it's kind of nice. Especially when Kevin goes offline after I told him I'd be back after Heroes was over... :P Like... when i came back he was on, but then signed out. Why? I dunno. Maybe I've been talking to him too much? Probably. I'm beginning to get attached. Sigh. Groan. Ha. I almost wrote grown. As in grown up. Which is what I am not.

So yeah. I'm still not done even one of those cover letters. :P I can't focus. It's awful. And... yeah. I have a massive pile of laundry to do. Which I also should have done during the day... but... we all know I'm lazy.

I need to start leaving the house once in a while. :P I need a job. Which means I need to finish those cover letters... cuz most of them are gonna be faxed... and really, it's just nicer to get a resume with a cover letter. Perhaps explaining why you were in school for a year and want a job at a candy store... hm.

In conclusion: I'm just way too fuckin' lazy.

Oh man.

I am so procrastinating. I was supposed to write like 4 cover letters today... :S. I don't know what to say. Argh. You just know I'm saying that because subconsciously I want to be a louse. I want to do nothing. I want to sit around all day, and leech off other people. :P Actually, that doesn't sound very fun.

But seriously. I want all the jobs I'm applying for... kind of. They're all crappy, but there aren't any real ones... really. Except the press operator, but... I really doubt I'd get it. :P But it just says experience is an asset... doesn't mean required. Blah.

My friend Amy wants me to go to France with her next year for like a year. And I'm all.. ahh. Need money first... and I dunno if I could be away from Canada for that long. I've never been out of canada. Hm. But yeah. I dunno...

Ugh. Cover letters writing is so painful when you... I dunno. I'm applying at a candy store, what the fuck am I supposed to say? I said what I did in school, like every other cover letter I've written... since school... or.. in school... bah... but then what? My dream has always been to be around candy? Oh... that would be nice. :P "After all, we come from ze land of chocolate."

Anyway. And then there's this research assistant job, where I assume I just google things... ha. It'd keep my brain working though... maybe. And there's also a stuffin' job at the paper. Oh man. Work starts at midnight, and it's probably only like... 4 hours. At $9.15. Sweet. That's more money than I've ever made... at a job. The one... ha. I've only had one job. Oh well. I stayed there for OVER a year... can't believe I did. Anyway. I should go back upstairs and write them. Printer down on my computer doesn't work... or isn't set up... and doesn't work. Meh.

It begins...

Okay. Since everyone has redesigned their blogs, I thought I'd spruce mine up a bit. Bear with me, it's late, and... that's a lot of html to go through before I completely understand how blogger works, and then... gonna fix it up awesome. I know it's hard to look at. I didn't think the orange was really all that bright. but it is. oops. Ha. But anyway... I like my banner... although it all looks like halloween. Might as well have made them pumpkins. But whatever. So just... bear with me. This may take a while. ha. but seeing as I have no job, and no commitments for the time being... hopefully it won't take that long. Now, I need to get off the computer cuz I've been on it all day. Ugh.

edit. not that hard to look at anymore. Changed the background color... and made the visited links etc darker instead of lighter... yeah? I dunno. It's growing on me. Needs work though. But I like it so far. I wonder why I chose orange instead of green... oh well. Orange. Yay. Well... actually I didn't choose green, because the two people i know of who redesigned BOTH used green. Haha. So... be different. Yeah. :P Those two people were geeksters and Jaimie. I like both their new templates, but... just couldn't bring myself to do green too. (Okay, there's not so much green on geeksters'... but... still. There is some green. I love green though, don't get me wrong. It's my favourite colour.) Haha. Oh well. Next time. Maybe. If there aren't too many greens out there. :P G'night.

Hahaha. I think I have... psychic control over people sometimes. Except not really. After I posted my comment in my last entry, I was like.. .hmm... I wonder if I should say something to collin, and then he starts talking to me. Yeah, I had added him back, and unblocked him. Thought I'd give him another chance, because I have not yet found a hobby to consume my time. :)

more rant.

This whole 'Collin keeps looking at my profile' thing is really starting to make me mad. I just wanna cry. Like. He obviously needs help. I AM NOT HIS SOULMATE. And he needs to figure that out. I think I've made it pretty clear, but... I guess not. Like I mean if I were a psychotic stalker person, which I am NOT, I would have got the message by now... maybe. Hmm. Maybe not.

Whatever. I'm just going to not sign into that site anymore. Hopefully. I hadn't for like 2 weeks, and I was like... you know what... I bet he's been lookin' at my profile. :P and low and behold... bah.

So yeah. The plan tomorrow: get a ride downtown with either brother or mother. Go to the apple store... if I can find it. And buy, or see how much illustrator is. Seriously. I don't have a drawing program on my computer, and I'm gonna go nuts without one. And by getting illustrator, I will be able to make things. Yeah. Duh. Okay. cool. So yeah. I'm hoping it's not more than like... 600 bucks. Ohmygod, why do things cost so much? Sigh. I probably won't buy it tomorrow, but if I can find a program called fetch, I'll buy that cuz it's only like 20 bucks, and it's just an ftp uploader thing. It's cool. And easy. And wonderful, and allows me to update sites. Yeah. Um. Anyway. And after that, go appply at toys r us. Hahaha. I like toys... and... they're hiring right now. i'd like a job right now, so I don't go insane... yeah. And it doesn't involve food, hallelujah. :P

But I might not even get it, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I might apply at a candy store too... but I probably won't. Ugh. Because apparently, no one's hiring in the field I want to work in. Mom says they probably won't be until the new year. omg. I'm gonna forget everything by then. Guess I should read all my books again. And... stay brushed up on stuff. yeah... sigh. this is my third entry today. I'm proud. :P Except now it's thursday... technically.

Although. Okay, the more I think about it, the more I like having someone like me. Ha. But I have absolutely no interest in them. Except for them to leave me alone. Doesn't make any sense, but whatever. Hey, is this the way hot prof feels about jaimie? kidding! Or... no really. Like you wanna let go, but you can't cuz you know they like you... haha. Not that I'm comparing Jaimie to a psycho. Jaimie is not a psycho. Seriously. I don't think. She hasn't displayed any... hmm... :P

The theory:

Collin lied.

He didn't get a girlfriend. He was lying, to make me jealous. It didn't work. And now he's given up his sharade...(sp?) haha... and yeah. This is Jaimie's theory, really. I just agree with it. :P

OR

He did find someone. but then she got a brain, and discovered he's fuckin' scary as hell and a big ol' stalker.

by the way he's still totally stalking my profile. I gave that up long ago. Yeesh. I should have never signed back into that site. Made him think I had someone, and then he'd go insane, and kill himself. Or... commit himself to the mental hospital.

You know who's not a stalker? Kevin. He's so indifferent to like... me. :P It's really quite funny. I love it. :P Ummm...

So yeah. WHAT THE FUCK?!!! Seriously, guys. What. The. Fuck.

Am I honestly, really that charming and unforgettable? Wth. He's the one who told me it wouldn't work (I didn't argue... he's an idiot), and now he won't... stop stalking me from afar. Blah. Creep. I find it all insanely amusing, but scary. :P I deleted him from msn, but now I'm thinking I should add him back and confront him? I really don't want to though. Cuz he's scary, and he'll think I can stand him again. Which I can't. He's stupid. He farts on my furniture, takes craps in my house the second time I ever see him.... seriously wtf. Pig. Who does that? Someone with little respect I think. At least get to know a person a little more before you let loose your flatulence issues. Ugh. Just thinking about him makes me want to vomit. Now if you'll excuse me...

Fine. I added him back to msn. Haha. And after all that praise... sigh. But only cuz I wanna see where this goes! Bahahahahahahahaha. Oh god, I'm horrible, aren't I? Seriously though, after tonight I'm so deleting him again. And never readding him. Because... really. I shouldn't be so cruel. ;) :P

Added, like 5 minutes after I posted this...: Who'm I kidding? He's never going to talk to me until I talk to him, and by george that's never gonna happen. Deletey deletey. But you have to admit that it's freakin' hilarious. I am not worth obsessing over, nor am I worth checking up on. Geez. (the sick part of me is flattered, but the sane part is totally creeped out... haha).

Um. It snowed last night, so... the 'job hunt' is being... delayed. Because snow makes me not want to do things. Ha.

Kevin emailed me back, and included his cell number, and was sure to inform me that he rarely uses it. Hahaha.

Um. So... no more going to school for katy. It's totally official. :(

I'd go there the rest of my life if I could... not that the school was that great, but I like my teacher, and the girl who's in the class that started after ours... she's funny. And talks a lot. And thinks I'm good company. :P She told me so yesterday. haha. But whatever. Now I can sleep in for like a month. Or more. oh god, I need a job.

At least two noteworthy things:

I gave Kevin my cell phone number. Whether he'll ever dial it, I have no idea. hahaha. I've known him for over a year and never once did I give him my number. this is a somewhat momentous occasion, but I really doubt he'll ever call. :P he's kind of shy... but like... really. I shouldn't be such a jerk. I should give him a serious chance. I'm trying to. Sort of. He has a great personality and he's so nice, and like... he's cute-ish. SO nice. And he once called me perfect. I remember that like it was yesterday... haha. :P But honestly, supposedly good lookin' people aren't always that great. I mean... that idiot was supposedly attractive... in the pictures. In person he wasn't that great... but like... what a dick. He still hasn't noticed I no longer have him on my list, I suppose. Maybe he doesn't even go on msn anymore, what with his new found love. Shoot me. If people like that can find happiness, there HAS to be someone out there for me. :P But I think he's slightly dilusional. Ha. And I, of course, am pessimistic. Whee. But seriously, an excerpt from his last email to me, cuz I thought it was nice... heh :P :I did watch the original Pirates... that day that CBC was showing it. It was
actually really good... not that I ever doubted you :)
I haven't seen the second one yet... looking forward to it now!

Why, exactly, are you looking forward to it? Hmm? Oh, I know. You like me. :P... or am I crazy?... haha. aw. Whatever.

A second. Another one of my fans have added me to msn. :P

I went into school again today... thinking if I went today, I wouldn't have to go tomorrow. But I still need to burn everything I've done onto a cd. Ugh. So I'll do that tomorrow.

I fixed up so the navigation on the ssc site so it's better... not perfect... the picture pages are still whack, but I don't care. I would if I was getting paid for it... but I'm not. I should care, cuz it's showing what I can do... hmm. Maybe I'll make it all better tomorrow.

Oh, I should have been watching the live daily show and colbert report special. Oh well, I'll catch it tomorry. No, it's probably on in like half an hour... we get things late up here... sweet. I don't have to get up in the "morning". :P Excellent.

Must start job hunt tomorrow. Seriously, Katy. Get on that. Ta ta.

That bastard. I swear he has like... psychic powers or something. I think I said if he didn't email me by tuesday I would get over him. Well. He emailed me today. Probably because I emailed him yet again, last night... about random things, but with slight interest in how his life is going. :P

So yeah. Just can't let myself get rid of him I guess.

I think I asked him to a movie. Although we had already discussed going to see pirates 2. It's not at rainbow yet, and we're both cheap. :P But yeah. When it gets there, we're going and I'M PAYING. Urgh. So I don't have to feel guilty. Bah.

I had so much trouble getting out of bed this morning. Ugh. And then, no one was there at school for like an hour, I had asked some other teacher to open the door. Bah. So I tried to polish up my resume... I don't want to leave that place. :P I should phone telus... but I'd rather just do it in the morning... sigh. Just to give it another day, so that for surely hopefully the payment will have gone through and I won't have to phone yet again. Sigh. Hmm... I'll phone tomorrow afternoon. :P

So yes... apparently c-dumbass hasn't realized that I deleted him from msn, cuz he still has me on his list. Fool. Bahahahahahaha. :P I should stop checking it. But I'm just obsessive like that.

I'm reading "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can" right now... and it's so amazing. And frustrating. The way she just put up with that guy calling her a bitch all the time... for a little while. man, i would fucking flip out. I guess she did though, but not cuz of that. Hmm. I'm not done it yet, so don't ruin it for me. :P I wanna watch the movie afterwards too.

So I have to go back to school, yet again, tomorrow. To burn my stuff on a disc. And... I dunno. Fix up my resume moreso. And get rid of the cover letter in my pdf. I'm dumb. Like, why would I want that on there? Sheesh. It's to display things, I don't need the cover letter in there, gawd, I'm moronic sometimes. or just rushed. Yeah, let's go with that.

The Wonder Years is on soon. I must go. Toodles.

Pictures of me with a flashing pumpkin around my head.

I got this from a bag of candy that I bought this evening. Yummers. :P And AWESOME. Can you tell I'm bored? I should just go to bed. I have to get up in the morning, theoretically.

Guess what I did today. Deleted and blocked that idiot from my msn list. I finally realized it was insanely pointless to keep on there, plus I hate him... have no need to ever speak to him again... and... hm. Well he just makes me mad. :)

So yeah. Oy oy.

Let's see. Vancouver was good. Nothing really amazing happened.

Um. Kevin still hasn't emailed me back... I emailed him something about sea otters and going blind on Thursday night while I was in Vancouver... but no response yet. He might rarely check his gmail. Hm.

While I was gone I thought so much about him... I don't know why. But now that I'm back I'm like... do I really even like him? I do. He's super. But... like... would I wanna... ya know. Heh. :P Well if he emails me back by Tuesday... we'll see. I have a feeling I'm going to be ecstatic when/if he emails me back. I should really ask him more questions about what's going on his life instead of random sentences... strung together by... randomness. And boredom. Hmm. I should put more thought into the things I say to him if I want him to like me. Whatever.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I think in the morning... I'll get up... phone telus again and see if brin's payment went through so the phone can be mine... (this girl in my class gave me her cell phone cuz she was going on a trip for like... a year or so)... and hopefully it'll... have gone through. And then if it all works out, I'll go to school... take some blank discs with me, get everthing sorted out. And junk. And then go look for a job. Hm. Sounds fun. And terrifying. Oh god.

I don't wanna go to school too early, because if no one's there, I don't wanna sit in the hall or have to go ask someone to open the door, that's just lame... :P

Whatever. Boys are dumb. Jobs are dumb. Life is dumb.

I bought a bunch of candy tonight, cuz it was soooo cheap and my mom was like KATY! UURGH. Heh. Oh well.

I'm a pig, it's true, I need to start doing sit ups again. Not that I ever did that many to begin with. :P But I sorta tried. Hmm. Yeah...