Hooh man.

So tonight, at about quarter to nine, Mandy came over. With Ian, of course. Whatever.

They came over in the middle of the Office, and therefore had to watch the rest with me. When Mandy saw it, she was like oh, this show... And I was like, oh it's on now. In my head. "this show?" THIS SHOW is only my favourite. Urgh. But whatever...

Anyway, at nine we started watching the oc. Season 1, continuing our marathon. Only.. the two episodes we watched were especially sappy, because they had to do with holidays. And mandy and ian were sitting on the couch like they always do, and cuddling. It got to me this time.

I'm sick of... being alone. Like really. I dunno. But I don't wanna tell kevin I like him when I'm not sure... ya know? I know I like him, but in what way... that I'm not sure of. Urgh.

It's just... and like... in the episode Marissa told Ryan she loved him, and mandy started giggling... and then ryan said thank you, and mandy giggled more. I was not amused. I glared at her (unintentionally) and she stopped. :P And then marissa said you're welcome and she started again. Whatever. I had to come downstairs to get away from them a few minutes after that incident.

She just... I don't know. I hate how Ian has to be with her clinging onto her every fucking second. Christ. Like... really guy, get a hobby. Well... he plays drums. But he should start scrapbooking or something. Except they would probably only be books about mandy. Now that's a good read... bleh.

Okay, don't get me wrong, I love them both dearly... but... really. If ... I dunno. I guess I'm just gloomy, cuz I've been working (a lot... what the hell... psh, real life) and it's nearing the holidays. But I love Christmas. Absolutely adore it. I can't wait for it. I dunno. And New Year's. What am I supposed to do for it? Mandy's probably going to be with Ian at one of his friend's parties... I wouldn't be surprised anyway. Whatever. Whatever.

Mandy and I used to spend new years together. Well... the last... 3 years? maybe just 2. No, 3. K, I don't know. But it's enough to make it almost a tradition. Who cares, though, right? Nobody. Except me.

Life is moving way too fast for me. I was sitting at "my" desk today, thinking, how the hell did I get here? ...

Don't you love self-pitying entries? I know I do.

I really miss shawna. I keep meaning to write my stepmom a letter, but... I should do that now, but I don't wanna. Maybe tomorrow at lunch. Yeah. Oh god, life. Bosses. Money. I don't know when I get paid. I don't know if I'm working everyday now... I seem to be... this week I will be at least. Did. Forget it, nevermind. I have to shower. Goodnight.