If you think there might be the slightest chance ever that you're a lesbian... does that make it so? :P

I'm really... confused I guess. I don't know who I am.

People say like oh you should experiment or something... but I don't see anyone willing to help me out here. Haha.

Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous. And like... wth. I dunno if I'm sad or what... something's just... not right in my life, I guess. Obviously. I really miss my sister. Like a lot. All the time. Constantly. Sigh. I'd take pills except I have a super hard time swallowing them... something in my head.

So... either I am or I'm not. Or maybe I'm both. But sooner or later I have to make a choice, right? Right. Probably.

I'm over Ian. Mandy can have him. :P Mandy was like... I can't believe how over him you are... and I was like... oh, if only you knew. I basically killed my brain like wracking it... and stuff. Like... Mandy's my friend. I shouldn't compete with her. For anything. Ever. Like... I dunno.

I'm so disturbed by the thought that everyone else is having sex but me. :P *trying not to care* SIGH. Not that I...

Yesterday, Wesley and I went to shoppers where he purchased a pack of 32 condoms. And some lube. Wesley is gay. And I was like... yeah... good stuff. You practice that safe, fun sex. Jerk. Ugh. I dunno why I'm so obsessed about this... I'm not really.

K, this morning, I was walking to school, and this girl who I pass every day, said good morning to me. I replied with a good morning. And then I thought... why did she say that today? Did she plan on saying it? Does she think about me when she goes home at night? :P I'm hoping she does. Haha. So tomorrow... if I see her... I'll be like hey! How's it going? Wanna make out? :P I'm kidding of course. Sigh. Stupid school. It's going so crappily, and I'm losing faith in myself. Like Marissa on the oc. Bah. But I might introduce myself. Maybe. Probably not. It freaked me out a little. Meh.

I know my stepmother is utterly convinced I'm a lesbian. Meh. She's most likely right, but I'm still not sure. Because everyone I've been obsessed with has been a boy. But maybe I'm just trying to convince myself I'm not. Hmm. See... I need to like... convince Kevin to like... make out with me, and then... see. Haha. But whatever. This is a really creepy entry. Whee. Sigh.

I almost feel like crying, but I've been doing that a lot lately. Life is just... I'm getting near the end of my rope I think. I just want a break. Ugh. And my sister back. GOD.