Casey had one of his surgeries today. On his bladder. They took out five stones. Poor pup. He's kinda pathetic now. He pissed on the carpet... it was kinda funny. But sad. Anyway...

I saw X3. I went with Kevin. Cuz he paid. So I was like hmm, movie for free. It was good. I kind of want to... not go anywhere with him again though. Not cuz he's a bad guy, far from that. I don't know. I just... I feel bad about it. So yeah. That's that. I think. I hope.

Great movie though. Loved it. Yeah. *thumbs up*

School is... going okay, I suppose.

Peace.

Oh

I bought that video camera. WOO.

Hooray for my greedy, greedy nature.

And awful money spending habits. God. I think I might need a job. I just reaaaaaaaallly REALLY don't want one. As I think I've mentioned before. I don't know. Meh?

Casey might be having surgery today, but maybe not. We don't know. He has stones in his bladder, and on Friday, he tore a ligament in his leg. He's quite a pitiful sight. It hurts. Poor puppy.

Don't take my sunshine away. Bitch.

15 months.

I think I might need some kind of therapy... although I don't think about it as much. It's only before I go to sleep... and then if I retell the whole day to myself, I cry. And I can't stop. I don't know why I do it.

I just don't want to pay someone to talk to when I can talk to myself, and it all turns out okay...ish.

Somehow Chris managed to kill my thoughts of buying a video camera in like 2 seconds. He said that he would just buy his own. I dunno. I thought... that... maybe he MIGHT pay me like half over time... cuz damn that thing is expensive.

And now I'm all... why did I even want one? I just wanted to share it with him or something. I don't know. Heh.

I believe on Saturday, Mandy said we would be hanging out tonight... AND tomorrow... I was like both days? And she was like yeah. Well, she didn't phone. And I'm not going to be a nag about it, cuz she went to the doctor's yesterday... and maybe she has some crazy illness or something and wants to spend as much time with Ian as possible. How self-centered can you get... Jesus. Like, whatever. I have a life too, okay? Not as glamourous or sex-filled, but I'm fine with it. So fuck you. Ugh.

I miss my sister.

I really shouldn't allow myself to get attached to people... they just die. And then I become some self-loathing jerk. It's true. I loved Shawna with more than all my heart... and Mandy... she was the only one I told like... everything to. Well, you know, as much as a person's willing to tell... so as not to be totally embarrassed. But still.

I don't know why I care.

I guess I want a video camera so I can put stuff on YouTube, cuz I think it would be funny. But with no income... is this a good decision right now? Honestly... I hate working, so I'm probably not going to get another job anytime soon. Will I be able to last on what little money would be left? I think I would. If I stop driving. Heh. Bikes and legs are better anyway.

If Mandy's not dead and actually phones me tomorrow, I don't know if I want her over. If she's dying I guess I do. But like... not if she remembered about tonight, and just decided to blow me off. I'm gonna be pissed if she just did that. Even if she did do that, she wouldn't tell me. She'd be like oh, I forgot... or, oh, I fell asleep. that's her excuse a lot. More than it should be. Like sleep regular hours retard. Whatever. I'm done. I haven't posted in LJ for like a week, and this one's been what, 10 days? Geez. I'm getting bad at this. Oh well. All for the better probably.

Friday...

So... we met Sarah at the Hose. And she was like do you guys wanna stay here or go somewhere else... we decided to go somewhere else. She was like let's go to the overdrive. Ha. So we were like k, we'll meet you there. And so we drove down there... and it was so packed... like seriously, we couldn't find a parking spot... so i was like let's go somewhere else. So we went to my house. And left Sarah with her friends at the overdrive... if they actually went. Ha. And then Ian and I each drank a beer and played sonic, then waverace, then mario sunshine.. wth... i hate that game. :P And finally Burnout2. Woo. Yeah. Good times... I guess. I dunno. I think my mom was glad I didn't actually end up going to the bar. But when Chris comes back, I'm so making him take me. :P Or not. I don't care really. Bah.

But I got to see Kirk at the Hose, like with Sarah... aw he loves me! Haha. I love him too, he's awesome. :P But yeah. It was nice seeing him for like 3 minutes... been a while. :P

um... then I went to bed. Poor Casey was all mixed up and wouldn't go to bed. Mom got like 3 hours of sleep cause of him. Heh. Aw. Yeah, that's it. Byee.

Mandy came over to watch the oc. It wasn't on. And I didn't really want the company. Meh.

I told her how the other night, I was all crazy... and then my upsetedness turned into being about Shawna. And it always turns into that. And she was like that's why you need to go into therapy. I was about to tell her to fuck herself... but I said I think she needs therapy because she has unresolved issues. I mean for god's sake. You mom cheated on your dad. Yeah. No big surprise there... like. Get over it. At least she's still around.

I hated seeing her today. Usually it's good seeing her... but like... it's this whole Ian thing I think. I can't handle it anymore. i don't want to hang out tomorrow with a bunch of people while still being alone.

Whatever. If someone phones me i'll go. But if they don't... I'm not going to phone around. So whatever. Like... we're going to a bar... so if I go.. I'm going to get SO damn drunk... that when I get home I'll probably either vomit profusely... or try to kill myself. :P Either one isn't that great. Hmm. Whatever. Or I'll stay out all night with some people who don't even really like me all that much.

Mandy and I are definitely growing apart. She's becoming a self-centered bitch, and I'm becoming a huge dork. Hooray! Not. It's gonna suck not having someone I can talk to, and have them not give a shit. WHATEVEr. I'm angry now. Blah.

This day's gonna be dumb.

It snowed. Just a little... but still. It's May 3rd. Whatever. That's global warming for ya.

http://www.canadaobituaries.com/source/Deaths/NewBrunswick/Archives/2005/ArcFeb.htm
That site is wrong. For some reason, I google searched Shawna's name. This came up, and I clicked it, because I decided I wanted to tear a little at school. Well I didn't really decide it but ya know.

It's wrong. She didn't die on the 26th. My world didn't crash on the 26th. She died on the 24th. Idiots. If you're gonna put my sister's name on something, do it right. Jesus. What the fuck. And now I'm all sorta not really pissed... but still. Blah. Just wanted to mention it.