Don't take my sunshine away. Bitch.
15 months.
I think I might need some kind of therapy... although I don't think about it as much. It's only before I go to sleep... and then if I retell the whole day to myself, I cry. And I can't stop. I don't know why I do it.
I just don't want to pay someone to talk to when I can talk to myself, and it all turns out okay...ish.
Somehow Chris managed to kill my thoughts of buying a video camera in like 2 seconds. He said that he would just buy his own. I dunno. I thought... that... maybe he MIGHT pay me like half over time... cuz damn that thing is expensive.
And now I'm all... why did I even want one? I just wanted to share it with him or something. I don't know. Heh.
I believe on Saturday, Mandy said we would be hanging out tonight... AND tomorrow... I was like both days? And she was like yeah. Well, she didn't phone. And I'm not going to be a nag about it, cuz she went to the doctor's yesterday... and maybe she has some crazy illness or something and wants to spend as much time with Ian as possible. How self-centered can you get... Jesus. Like, whatever. I have a life too, okay? Not as glamourous or sex-filled, but I'm fine with it. So fuck you. Ugh.
I miss my sister.
I really shouldn't allow myself to get attached to people... they just die. And then I become some self-loathing jerk. It's true. I loved Shawna with more than all my heart... and Mandy... she was the only one I told like... everything to. Well, you know, as much as a person's willing to tell... so as not to be totally embarrassed. But still.
I don't know why I care.
I guess I want a video camera so I can put stuff on YouTube, cuz I think it would be funny. But with no income... is this a good decision right now? Honestly... I hate working, so I'm probably not going to get another job anytime soon. Will I be able to last on what little money would be left? I think I would. If I stop driving. Heh. Bikes and legs are better anyway.
If Mandy's not dead and actually phones me tomorrow, I don't know if I want her over. If she's dying I guess I do. But like... not if she remembered about tonight, and just decided to blow me off. I'm gonna be pissed if she just did that. Even if she did do that, she wouldn't tell me. She'd be like oh, I forgot... or, oh, I fell asleep. that's her excuse a lot. More than it should be. Like sleep regular hours retard. Whatever. I'm done. I haven't posted in LJ for like a week, and this one's been what, 10 days? Geez. I'm getting bad at this. Oh well. All for the better probably.
I think I might need some kind of therapy... although I don't think about it as much. It's only before I go to sleep... and then if I retell the whole day to myself, I cry. And I can't stop. I don't know why I do it.
I just don't want to pay someone to talk to when I can talk to myself, and it all turns out okay...ish.
Somehow Chris managed to kill my thoughts of buying a video camera in like 2 seconds. He said that he would just buy his own. I dunno. I thought... that... maybe he MIGHT pay me like half over time... cuz damn that thing is expensive.
And now I'm all... why did I even want one? I just wanted to share it with him or something. I don't know. Heh.
I believe on Saturday, Mandy said we would be hanging out tonight... AND tomorrow... I was like both days? And she was like yeah. Well, she didn't phone. And I'm not going to be a nag about it, cuz she went to the doctor's yesterday... and maybe she has some crazy illness or something and wants to spend as much time with Ian as possible. How self-centered can you get... Jesus. Like, whatever. I have a life too, okay? Not as glamourous or sex-filled, but I'm fine with it. So fuck you. Ugh.
I miss my sister.
I really shouldn't allow myself to get attached to people... they just die. And then I become some self-loathing jerk. It's true. I loved Shawna with more than all my heart... and Mandy... she was the only one I told like... everything to. Well, you know, as much as a person's willing to tell... so as not to be totally embarrassed. But still.
I don't know why I care.
I guess I want a video camera so I can put stuff on YouTube, cuz I think it would be funny. But with no income... is this a good decision right now? Honestly... I hate working, so I'm probably not going to get another job anytime soon. Will I be able to last on what little money would be left? I think I would. If I stop driving. Heh. Bikes and legs are better anyway.
If Mandy's not dead and actually phones me tomorrow, I don't know if I want her over. If she's dying I guess I do. But like... not if she remembered about tonight, and just decided to blow me off. I'm gonna be pissed if she just did that. Even if she did do that, she wouldn't tell me. She'd be like oh, I forgot... or, oh, I fell asleep. that's her excuse a lot. More than it should be. Like sleep regular hours retard. Whatever. I'm done. I haven't posted in LJ for like a week, and this one's been what, 10 days? Geez. I'm getting bad at this. Oh well. All for the better probably.
posted by Katy at 8:26 PM
2 Comments:
I tried going therapy last year when everything around me fell apart. It helped a lot. It's nice knowing there's someone there who'll listen no matter what you say. And if you get referred by your doctor it shouldn't cost you anything.
Thanks for visiting my blog. I love getting comments from new people.
I may have to go see someone sometime. It's not really that bad anymore, but when it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks, you know? Geh. Oh well. If it's still the same in a month, I may seek out someone. Thanks. I've actually been reading your blog for a while... :P That one just really made my day for some reason. Hehe.
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