Holy shit, rant much?

This morning, Jordan was like oh, there's an update for my ps3... and he was like... oh, Katy, guess what it does now? And I'm like what? And he's like, it bends space and time. That's right. It's a time machine.

And I was like oh... can it take me back two and a half years?

And he was like why?

And I'm like... can you also make it take me to New Brunswick?

And he's like oh...

And I'm like I had a dream about her the other night... her mother got stabbed in her bed and shawna was still alive.

And he's like did you cry?

And I was like I was just confused. I was all... I thought you were dead, but now you're not and your mom is?

And then I started crying a little, cuz I said it like it wasn't a big deal. But it actually is and I didn't realize it til then. I miss her so much. It really, really sucks.

Jordan's going to toronto in like 3 weeks for a few days to see his family. Good for him. I don't know if he's going to make me go at xmas. I sort of want to go, but I'd rather go when gift giving isn't involved. Yeah...

But yeah. I really need to phone my stepmom. I miss her. I miss my sister too. I can't believe she's still harassing me in dreams. And crying on my shoulder and freaking out at me. It's so weird. And I miss giving her hugs. And... I dunno. Sometimes I really hate how life just goes on, you know? I mean... it's bullshit.

Oh, and I bought a burberry watch. Yep. Spent about 200 on it, which is cheap when compared to the ones on their site. :P And it's nice. And I'm happy with it.

But yeah. I really want life to just stop moving so fast and just.... flying by me, you know? I dunno... it's dumb. :P It was nice seeing her again... even though it was over such horrible, awful, incomprehensible circumstances. Stabbed. Blood everywhere. I'm surprised I didn't throw up... oh, no wait. I did. In real life. Mostly over my horrible, painful cramps though. I mean... cramps shouldn't make you throw up. I don't think... my stomch just gets so ... I dunno. I'm hoping since my weight is almost back to where it was when I met Jordan that it won't hurt anymore like before. That was a nice two months. :P Yeah...

But yes. I found my stepsister on facebook... that was weird... added her as a friend when I found her. :P We sort of talk... we never really did talk though... so that's what makes this kind of weird now. Like... she's my only "sister" now, though I'm not sure I ever really ... considered her one. Awful, I know. And she is like 6 years older than me... possibly 7. But she's funny... I guess... I really don't really know her. It's sad. I should go out there sometime. Probably next year... sigh. :P But yes. I need to get a hold of my stepmom. Just to talk. And tell her that I might have to start seeing someone about shawna... cuz shit, when I think about it now, it just makes me bawl, and I can't control it. Like now... :P Ridiculous. I hate summer. A lot.

But yeah. I think it would be good for me, but I don't really enjoy talking about it... obviously. It's just... like... I can't keep freaking out once or twice a month about it. Whenever I have a dream or ... well... whatever. I probably won't see anyone.

I think I'm going to get Jordan a watch for xmas. He says it's because I want him to stop wearing the $3000 one jess gave him... that's a bit of the reason. But really, I just... think it's old and I want him to wear something that I get him. I mean, I wore that ring for... 6 months?... but now I can't cuz it clashes with my watch. Yeah... the watch is that shiny. :P And it feels weird on my other hand. So yeah. I like it though.

Gawd, this was long. Sorry. Just... letting it out I guess.

But yeah... um... I'm done crying now, so that's good. I'm only like 3 chapters into harry potter. I had to finish the one before first... so yeah. And I cried and cried at that... that was even more ridiculous. :P I miss Dumbledore. :( Oh well.

and I totally got a 5 dollar off coupon on amazon, so I might order another book. But I don't know which one. I was thinking about getting the history of love... cuz Jaimie made it sound so interesting and cryey and stuff. :P I kind of like that in a book. But we'll see. K, I'm done now.