So... today was weird. For the first part of it I couldn't stop thinking about what I posted last night... I dunno.
Cuz I talked to Mandy, and... I said something about why Jordan and I didn't go to Edmonton this weekend, and it sounded sort of bitter-ish... towards him... and she was like so... you seem mad at him, are you guys still okay? And I was like yeah, we're good. And she asked how long we've been going out. And I was like... over a month... a month a week and a couple days... :P
And then I thought about that. That's quite some time. I was beginning to ask myself what I was doing... why... what do i feel... you know... usual freak-out shit.
And then I told Jordan he should come over. So he came over at like 7. Anyway... when I saw him there were no more doubts. I looked at his face and I was like.. yeah... I do love him.
Anyway, point: after he left... and we're talking on msn... I admitted that to him... then I read his blog. It hurt him. A lot.
Christ, I don't know what to admit, and what not to admit. Fuck. Why don't I know how to talk to people?... I don't know what hurts him. I'm afraid one day I'll just say the worst thing possible, and he'll snap and dump me. Bah...
That's a scary thought. Yeah. It is.
Here, this is what I said: ¤•~Kªty~•¤ I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy! says: (1:06:37 AM)
i must admit today, i was sort of almost not quite doubting us... and then when you came over and i saw you i was like.. yeah... i do love him
He posted only up to after the doubting us part in his blog. Not fair. I had more to say after that. He said he had tears in his eyes. And he doesn't want to talk about it. But I think when I see him tomorrow, I should... yeah... clear it up? Or should I just leave it alone? I don't know. Gawd. I'm awful... just awful. Blah.
Whatever. I should just stop worrying about it.
I remember wesley once called me emotionally abusive. that fucking hurt. A lot. That was like... 2 years ago. Maybe... no two. Yeah. Two.
Am I? I just asked Jordan and he said he doesn't think so...
Hmm. The fact that Jordan takes medication does scare me the tiniest bit. And when he takes valium to help him sleep... freaks me out a little bit more. I mean... I think he took it cuz I said what I said. I don't think he takes it often.
He does take some other pill everyday for... something I'm not going to disclose here. :P A lot of shit has happened to this guy.
Yeah. I just hope that... I dunno. I like spending time with him, but he's fallen really hard for me I think. Like... really. And... I dunno. I just don't know. :P
And, by the way, I'm still jobless. I did not apply at the goddamn grocery store. :P And I'm not going to... well... I shouldn't say that. Meh.
Cuz I talked to Mandy, and... I said something about why Jordan and I didn't go to Edmonton this weekend, and it sounded sort of bitter-ish... towards him... and she was like so... you seem mad at him, are you guys still okay? And I was like yeah, we're good. And she asked how long we've been going out. And I was like... over a month... a month a week and a couple days... :P
And then I thought about that. That's quite some time. I was beginning to ask myself what I was doing... why... what do i feel... you know... usual freak-out shit.
And then I told Jordan he should come over. So he came over at like 7. Anyway... when I saw him there were no more doubts. I looked at his face and I was like.. yeah... I do love him.
Anyway, point: after he left... and we're talking on msn... I admitted that to him... then I read his blog. It hurt him. A lot.
Christ, I don't know what to admit, and what not to admit. Fuck. Why don't I know how to talk to people?... I don't know what hurts him. I'm afraid one day I'll just say the worst thing possible, and he'll snap and dump me. Bah...
That's a scary thought. Yeah. It is.
Here, this is what I said: ¤•~Kªty~•¤ I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy! says: (1:06:37 AM)
i must admit today, i was sort of almost not quite doubting us... and then when you came over and i saw you i was like.. yeah... i do love him
He posted only up to after the doubting us part in his blog. Not fair. I had more to say after that. He said he had tears in his eyes. And he doesn't want to talk about it. But I think when I see him tomorrow, I should... yeah... clear it up? Or should I just leave it alone? I don't know. Gawd. I'm awful... just awful. Blah.
Whatever. I should just stop worrying about it.
I remember wesley once called me emotionally abusive. that fucking hurt. A lot. That was like... 2 years ago. Maybe... no two. Yeah. Two.
Am I? I just asked Jordan and he said he doesn't think so...
Hmm. The fact that Jordan takes medication does scare me the tiniest bit. And when he takes valium to help him sleep... freaks me out a little bit more. I mean... I think he took it cuz I said what I said. I don't think he takes it often.
He does take some other pill everyday for... something I'm not going to disclose here. :P A lot of shit has happened to this guy.
Yeah. I just hope that... I dunno. I like spending time with him, but he's fallen really hard for me I think. Like... really. And... I dunno. I just don't know. :P
And, by the way, I'm still jobless. I did not apply at the goddamn grocery store. :P And I'm not going to... well... I shouldn't say that. Meh.
posted by Katy at 11:40 PM
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