Mothers and Boyfriends... brothers and games... :P

And... so it begins. Pretty much a month in... and... he... "wants" me. He said that... and I'm like... *silence*.

I... yeah.

I'm scared. I'm so lame. Oh man. Scared that he'll leave me. Scared it'll change me somehow. Scared someone (mother) will... I dunno. I don't know why I have such mother issues. I'm not scared of her. But I am worried about what she thinks of me. Why? I don't know. Cuz she's my mom. And I'm sure I've already disappointed her with my not going to "real college". Whatever.

I did graduate with honours though... I mean... that should count for something... my family in bc kept congratulating me on it... :P My dad's proud. Why doesn't she show it? She never shows anything.

I don't know if I want to go to NZ now... I think I'd much rather have a macbook. Seriously. I have the money... oh sweet god, I have the money... enough for a macbook, but not for a trip. Hmm.

You know what scares me though? I know I love Jordan, I know I want to be with him... for like... ever. :P But... there's this little bitch thought in the back of my head that's like... do you actually like him? Or you just like what he's going to become...

Isn't that awful? That's awful. And I know it's not true... I do actually like him. He makes me happy. And I need to tell him that more often. Because he's so sweet to me... and made me a new mixed tape tonight. Awww. I really like this one (cuz he knows me better now, and my tastes... so I have listened all the way up to number 10 so far, pretty much the whole way through each song... if that made sense...). Anyway.

I think my brother's having girl issues. :P His msn name is "...I think I've fallen in the "friends" zone :( - damnit! Why do girls not say what the want! Argh! lol"... yeah. I was like... what makes you think you've fallen into the friends zone? or is it too weird to talk to your little sister about? :P And he was like it's just a hunch and don't worry about it. So I was like okay... :P Hahah. Poor guy... aw.

So this ds game I got for xmas, big brain academy... very addictive. Very. Yeah.

So... in conclusion: I'm feeling the pressure, sort of. Need to talk about it with him. Mother should tell me she loves me more. :P Brother... dunno what to do about him. NZ... don't know what to do about that. DS... play more. And finally, tomorrow I WILL (hopefully) email my resume and portfolio to the company I really really really wanna work at. :) I better. If I don't i'll be pretty disappointed with myself... oh and I have to phone the starphoenix... and talk to gail and make sure she got my resume. And ask her if there are any positions available. I went through what I have to say with Jordan. Actually he just told me what to say. :P I don't know how he comes up with that crap... haha. It's so simple too. I'm just really... not good at... that... stuff. Yeah.