the fight
My new job starts tomorrow. Yay? Sure. I don't know. I'm nervous, but I'm sure it will be fine.
Jordan and I had what I'm pretty sure was our biggest fight yesterday. We both blew up at each other, I guess mainly I blew up at him for no real reason... arguing over whether there was a step on the tent trailer we got (there isn't :P) and he was like I'm done. I'm leaving. And I fucking flipped out. Bawling, telling him he couldn't leave me. Really embarrassing shit. Yeah. Terrible.
Anyway, I told him I'd get some help with my temper... or something. I'm going to learn some breathing techniques and get a hobby. :P Something to make me happy. Something to look forward to.
He does that every so often... when it gets really bad... threatens to leave. Yeah. I need to have a talk with him about what the fuck we're doing because I don't feel safe and secure when he says stuff like that. How he could talk me into buying a house... and then leave me. If he ever did do that, I would have to hunt him down and just fucking... you know. Tell him off? Ha. Or something else.
I just... like, you know? So now I'm tiptoeing around everything. Like how much I don't want to scare him off with anything I might say. It just really sucks and I'm regretting everything right now. I love him, though, and would likely kill myself if he ever left. Ha. Except probably not. I'd kill him instead. But the bills! How the fuck would I pay that thousand dollar a month mortgage without him? He's just... really... he doesn't know how much he scares me sometimes, I don't think.
Anyway, I think we're passed that now... mostly. I'm still not really talking to him. I just can't right now. Not when you threaten me with something so traumatizing and mean it. Because I know he meant it. He would have regretted it had he left... at least I think he would have.
I just... we need to have a talk apparently. A meaningful one for a change.
I do love him, but if he left I wouldn't take him back. I'd want to, but I wouldn't be able to. You know what I mean? It would hurt too much.
And I know he's going to leave me someday because I don't think I need to do anything about these anger issues. I honestly don't. I really do think he should just put up with it. But I"m trying and so we'll see how it all works out.
Although he said as long as I tried, he'd be happy. So... yeah. We shall see.
If he were my age, he would so put up with it. It's cuz he's almost thirty he knows he doesn't have to put up with shit. It really sucks.
Jordan and I had what I'm pretty sure was our biggest fight yesterday. We both blew up at each other, I guess mainly I blew up at him for no real reason... arguing over whether there was a step on the tent trailer we got (there isn't :P) and he was like I'm done. I'm leaving. And I fucking flipped out. Bawling, telling him he couldn't leave me. Really embarrassing shit. Yeah. Terrible.
Anyway, I told him I'd get some help with my temper... or something. I'm going to learn some breathing techniques and get a hobby. :P Something to make me happy. Something to look forward to.
He does that every so often... when it gets really bad... threatens to leave. Yeah. I need to have a talk with him about what the fuck we're doing because I don't feel safe and secure when he says stuff like that. How he could talk me into buying a house... and then leave me. If he ever did do that, I would have to hunt him down and just fucking... you know. Tell him off? Ha. Or something else.
I just... like, you know? So now I'm tiptoeing around everything. Like how much I don't want to scare him off with anything I might say. It just really sucks and I'm regretting everything right now. I love him, though, and would likely kill myself if he ever left. Ha. Except probably not. I'd kill him instead. But the bills! How the fuck would I pay that thousand dollar a month mortgage without him? He's just... really... he doesn't know how much he scares me sometimes, I don't think.
Anyway, I think we're passed that now... mostly. I'm still not really talking to him. I just can't right now. Not when you threaten me with something so traumatizing and mean it. Because I know he meant it. He would have regretted it had he left... at least I think he would have.
I just... we need to have a talk apparently. A meaningful one for a change.
I do love him, but if he left I wouldn't take him back. I'd want to, but I wouldn't be able to. You know what I mean? It would hurt too much.
And I know he's going to leave me someday because I don't think I need to do anything about these anger issues. I honestly don't. I really do think he should just put up with it. But I"m trying and so we'll see how it all works out.
Although he said as long as I tried, he'd be happy. So... yeah. We shall see.
If he were my age, he would so put up with it. It's cuz he's almost thirty he knows he doesn't have to put up with shit. It really sucks.
posted by Katy at 9:23 PM
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