Live for yourself, you're more than worth it
I read that in the bathroom stall at the bar this evening.
I've been so bitchy lately, it's tearing Jordan and I apart. It's really sad. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to set up an appointment to up my dose. I think school and work and no money is taking its toll on me. I hate having to depend on Jordan all the time. I like having my own money. I don't want an atm machine, I want a boyfriend. But he acts like an atm a lot of the time... which any other girl would love! And I used to... but I'm so sick of it.
We're this close to breaking up. I don't want to break up. I'm sort of treating him like I used to treat Shawna. Like, I loved her so much, I was mean to her, I held her higher than everyone else... I need to back off on the love and throw in some more respect, I suppose. I'm going to try that.
Life is so fucking hard. This is the 3rd time I'm crying in 2 hours. And I don't have anyone to talk to about it. It sucks.
And the house is a fucking sty, but I'm not home at all this week... and when I am, I'm supposed to be doing homework. Which I did do some of tonight, good for me. But still. It's disgusting. The way we're living right now is fucking disgusting. No fucking communication because I don't know how to say "I hate you right now." Ooo, that Kelis song just popped into my head. I hate you so much right now. Except I'm the jerk.
Yeah, need to talk to doc, having bad thoughts again. I think it's this fucking city. When we were in Ontario, our relationship was awesome. Now that we're back, so is my attitude and feeling of entitlement. Terrible.
Gotta work on this. Can't deal - to quote Kelis. :P
The title of this entry is my new mantra. I am more than worth it. If I feel like shit, go for a run. I think I'ma start running... I think the depression is getting worse because I'm not exercising anymore... So yeah. Go for a run. Or bike ride. I wanna run though. Even though I'm a really awkward runner in my advanced age now. If that makes sense. lol. I feel better now.
I've been so bitchy lately, it's tearing Jordan and I apart. It's really sad. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to set up an appointment to up my dose. I think school and work and no money is taking its toll on me. I hate having to depend on Jordan all the time. I like having my own money. I don't want an atm machine, I want a boyfriend. But he acts like an atm a lot of the time... which any other girl would love! And I used to... but I'm so sick of it.
We're this close to breaking up. I don't want to break up. I'm sort of treating him like I used to treat Shawna. Like, I loved her so much, I was mean to her, I held her higher than everyone else... I need to back off on the love and throw in some more respect, I suppose. I'm going to try that.
Life is so fucking hard. This is the 3rd time I'm crying in 2 hours. And I don't have anyone to talk to about it. It sucks.
And the house is a fucking sty, but I'm not home at all this week... and when I am, I'm supposed to be doing homework. Which I did do some of tonight, good for me. But still. It's disgusting. The way we're living right now is fucking disgusting. No fucking communication because I don't know how to say "I hate you right now." Ooo, that Kelis song just popped into my head. I hate you so much right now. Except I'm the jerk.
Yeah, need to talk to doc, having bad thoughts again. I think it's this fucking city. When we were in Ontario, our relationship was awesome. Now that we're back, so is my attitude and feeling of entitlement. Terrible.
Gotta work on this. Can't deal - to quote Kelis. :P
The title of this entry is my new mantra. I am more than worth it. If I feel like shit, go for a run. I think I'ma start running... I think the depression is getting worse because I'm not exercising anymore... So yeah. Go for a run. Or bike ride. I wanna run though. Even though I'm a really awkward runner in my advanced age now. If that makes sense. lol. I feel better now.
posted by Katy at 9:51 PM
1 Comments:
OMG- I hate leaving long messages only to have blogger mess up!
ARGH!
I hope you are feeling better and things are going well with you and Jordan!!
Did you go running?
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