University kids are dumb.
Yes. They are.
Life is fine I guess. My dad wants me to go out there on the 24th. I'm sure he just sees that day as xmas eve. I don't. I see it as a bad day... very bad. First of all, I will be working like all day... and to top it off, like I mentioned before, it's a day I will be wanting to stay in bed all day, probably crying. Blah.
I just keep thinking about last christmas and how I got her a pinata. And a box of toblerone. She loved toblerone.. but then again... who the hell doesn't? Yum. And I think about the last time I talked to her... and how I'm pretty sure I called her dumb... in a loving way of course. That's what I did. And I really regret it. But I guess I can't change anything about it... so... I need to move on? My stepmom said that if I'm still really upset in February... a year later... I should really seek out help. I don't want anyone's help though. I don't believe they understand. Because everyone I told my feelings to, my friends and whoever... just didn't seem to totally get what I was dealing with and going through.
I think about how depressed I was before she died. And then I think... well... was this my fault? She died because I kept thinking I wanted to die? Was this to teach me some kind of sick lesson? On my walk to school this morning, I was thinking... well maybe... He was just trying to save her from all the disappointment the world can bring. She had such big dreams... maybe... Not that I didn't believe in her... but... maybe she wouldn't have done as well as she had hoped? Fuck this is dumb. Now I'm all upset and shit. Yeah. I try not to think about it too deeply... during the day... because I know I will think way too much and then start crying and thinking how could this happen? TO HER? After she died though... I wanted to die even more... I was sure that I would die 3 weeks later... in March. But I didn't. Obviously. Hmm... she did mature faster than me... by like a year.. haha... maybe... hmm. No. Blah.
I saw Chronicles of Narnia last night. I liked it... Yeah. Went with Sarah and her roommates. They're really funny. Kendall was like... so did you know Sarah has like a huge crush on you? And I was like really? And he's like yeah... Aren't you glad she's leaving soon? And I was like no... now I'm really sad... :P She's awesome. I'm not in love with her or anything... but... yeah... meh. Hahaha. :P I guess I should go to bed and whatever. Blah. Finish laundry... sigh. Okay..
In conclusion. I'm so fucking glad this year is almost over. WORST. YEAR. EVER.
Life is fine I guess. My dad wants me to go out there on the 24th. I'm sure he just sees that day as xmas eve. I don't. I see it as a bad day... very bad. First of all, I will be working like all day... and to top it off, like I mentioned before, it's a day I will be wanting to stay in bed all day, probably crying. Blah.
I just keep thinking about last christmas and how I got her a pinata. And a box of toblerone. She loved toblerone.. but then again... who the hell doesn't? Yum. And I think about the last time I talked to her... and how I'm pretty sure I called her dumb... in a loving way of course. That's what I did. And I really regret it. But I guess I can't change anything about it... so... I need to move on? My stepmom said that if I'm still really upset in February... a year later... I should really seek out help. I don't want anyone's help though. I don't believe they understand. Because everyone I told my feelings to, my friends and whoever... just didn't seem to totally get what I was dealing with and going through.
I think about how depressed I was before she died. And then I think... well... was this my fault? She died because I kept thinking I wanted to die? Was this to teach me some kind of sick lesson? On my walk to school this morning, I was thinking... well maybe... He was just trying to save her from all the disappointment the world can bring. She had such big dreams... maybe... Not that I didn't believe in her... but... maybe she wouldn't have done as well as she had hoped? Fuck this is dumb. Now I'm all upset and shit. Yeah. I try not to think about it too deeply... during the day... because I know I will think way too much and then start crying and thinking how could this happen? TO HER? After she died though... I wanted to die even more... I was sure that I would die 3 weeks later... in March. But I didn't. Obviously. Hmm... she did mature faster than me... by like a year.. haha... maybe... hmm. No. Blah.
I saw Chronicles of Narnia last night. I liked it... Yeah. Went with Sarah and her roommates. They're really funny. Kendall was like... so did you know Sarah has like a huge crush on you? And I was like really? And he's like yeah... Aren't you glad she's leaving soon? And I was like no... now I'm really sad... :P She's awesome. I'm not in love with her or anything... but... yeah... meh. Hahaha. :P I guess I should go to bed and whatever. Blah. Finish laundry... sigh. Okay..
In conclusion. I'm so fucking glad this year is almost over. WORST. YEAR. EVER.
posted by Katy at 9:19 PM
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