We can't rewind, we've gone too far...

Now I'm just being creepy

2011-11-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

Ok. So I made a really good friend back in Ottawa last year, and I always thought that he was kind of attracted to me... but obviously wouldn't do anything about it, cuz I'm with Jordan. But anyway, I looked at his facebook profile and he's tagged in a picture on his girlfriend's wall. (He got a girlfriend back in the summer... after I left... :P) But she kind of looks like me! Glasses, check. Chubby, check. Cute, check. lol. :P I think he's replacing me. Haha. I know it sounds stupid and self-centered, but I think I may have changed his opinion about chubby girls. I always thought if I was thinner, he would have hit on me or something. lol. But yay! I'm really happy for him and I hope we stay friends for a really long time. He's awesome. But yeah, I thought it was funny that I was like, omg, he replaced me!!! With a cuter version! lol. :P

On another note, I want to go see a medium. I haven't told anyone this, because they'll call me crazy. Part of me knows that they're not real, they're just lying, but the other part of me really wants to believe - really wants to hear someone say that my sister misses me and loves me and is proud of me. And that she's sorry she never told me what was going on with her. I'm going to see a counsellor soon... so I might tell them this, but I doubt it. We'll probably just talk about Shawna and how sad I am. I asked my doctor to up my dose though, which is helping so much! Really happy with how well it's working now. But yeah, my mom told me the other day that she's worried about me. Which is so nice to hear, because she never tells me that kind of thing. I know she loves me, but... she's also kind of distant. Sort of. I don't know.

I phoned my ex-stepmom a couple weeks ago. It was a really good talk, except she told me Shawna used to do drugs. I have never done drugs in my life. I thought she was with me on that. But apparently I was wrong. Like, whatever, I guess, but she was such a big part of the no smoking movement in her school, and no drinking... but she did drugs? Like, how does that make sense? Whatever, I guess. It's stupid to worry about now, but it just makes me feel like I didn't know anything about her. Which is why I want to hear someone say that she did love me and is kind of watching over me or something. I had a dream about her the other night though, which was really nice. Except she was ignoring me in the dream, and I was like, don't you realize we don't have much time to spend together! I don't care if you bring your friend, but please, spend time with me! Or something like that... it was frustrating. She used to frustrate me a lot. lol. I miss her.

Would also like to hear from my cousins and my grandparents and like... I wanna hear from everyone. I don't know. It's that show Long Island Medium that's put this in my head. I used to watch like John Edwards or whatever... and was like, I need to go there! And then I got over it. But now TLC brought it up again. Booo... so yeah. It might be a Christmas present to myself. Who knows? Haven't decided yet. :P It's not even really that expensive... at least the one I looked up. :P

I am such a whiny little girl, hey? lol. Oh well. You're the one who read it all. :P I'll update again soon, I hope.

Live for yourself, you're more than worth it

2011-09-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

I read that in the bathroom stall at the bar this evening.

I've been so bitchy lately, it's tearing Jordan and I apart. It's really sad. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to set up an appointment to up my dose. I think school and work and no money is taking its toll on me. I hate having to depend on Jordan all the time. I like having my own money. I don't want an atm machine, I want a boyfriend. But he acts like an atm a lot of the time... which any other girl would love! And I used to... but I'm so sick of it.

We're this close to breaking up. I don't want to break up. I'm sort of treating him like I used to treat Shawna. Like, I loved her so much, I was mean to her, I held her higher than everyone else... I need to back off on the love and throw in some more respect, I suppose. I'm going to try that.

Life is so fucking hard. This is the 3rd time I'm crying in 2 hours. And I don't have anyone to talk to about it. It sucks.

And the house is a fucking sty, but I'm not home at all this week... and when I am, I'm supposed to be doing homework. Which I did do some of tonight, good for me. But still. It's disgusting. The way we're living right now is fucking disgusting. No fucking communication because I don't know how to say "I hate you right now." Ooo, that Kelis song just popped into my head. I hate you so much right now. Except I'm the jerk.

Yeah, need to talk to doc, having bad thoughts again. I think it's this fucking city. When we were in Ontario, our relationship was awesome. Now that we're back, so is my attitude and feeling of entitlement. Terrible.

Gotta work on this. Can't deal - to quote Kelis. :P

The title of this entry is my new mantra. I am more than worth it. If I feel like shit, go for a run. I think I'ma start running... I think the depression is getting worse because I'm not exercising anymore... So yeah. Go for a run. Or bike ride. I wanna run though. Even though I'm a really awkward runner in my advanced age now. If that makes sense. lol. I feel better now.

forgot to take my pill...

2011-09-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

So I forgot to take my pill today... and now I'm completely just overreacting to Jordan wanting to stay out and talk with his friends. At the bar. I was like, let's fucking go, I didn't get my food and I'm fucking hungry. And he's like well i can get a ride home with morgan...

But then I went and sped a while and realized, fuck, I need to take my pills every day, not just when I feel like it :P... cuz... yeah. Wasn't feeling very good. And now I've had two mama burgers (delicious) and feel like a fucking pig.

I don't really know what's going on with us right now... I guess we'll see what happens this weekend in Toronto...

This may be the lack of drugs talking, but sometimes I miss single life. Not that it was that great, but I feel kind of chained down. And that we're stuck in such a fucking hole. It totally sucks. Also, Jordan didn't tell me he was dropping off Gizmo at the babysitter's tonight.. I would have stopped by before I went to work. I love that dog.

You know what? I love Lady Gaga. Love.

Yeah, my friend Amy is making me jealous with her numerous dates and etcetera. I wish I had dated as a teenager. :P I don't know... just venting.

Like, I was obligated to go out tonight, because I've started a company doing contract work for Jordan's work... and he kind of hired an employee for me... like, I didn't object, cuz he physically can't work anymore... so... like... that's fine. But I don't know what the hell to say. And all you guys are talking about is shit I don't care about. I want to go home and pack. And he was just all blah blah blah blah. Gawd, like... I'm glad you found a new friend, but you could have just done this for me. Well, not really since I'm the boss, but Jordan did do all the talking.

Anyway... I just want to go to bed.

Oh yeah, another thing I'm annoyed about is that I haven't had any classes this week because the teachers are on strike... and it's so annoying that the union and the school keep blaming each other. I'm all for unions. Nothing against them. Think they're asking a little much with the new terms, but they need a better deal than 5.5% over three years. That's fucking stupid.

Sweary-pants tonight. Sorry Jaimie! lol. I promise I'll be in a better mood the next time I update, I just needed to vent. :)

I saw Wicked

2011-08-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, the 20th. OH. MY. GAWD. amazing. Almost beat out Phantom for my favourite... so close. Cats was still really good too... I hated Fame :P

So yes, all I've been listening to when I go on the compy is "Popular" and "Defying Gravity" because those were the only two that downloaded. :P Downloading the rest finally... hmm... what else?...

Oh yeah. Started school on Monday. Going well so far, because we haven't done anything. But I'm excited. There are four girls in the class - including myself - and so I've made friends with two of them... we eat lunch together.. nice, awkward lunch. lol. full of silences. But whatever. I'm sure we'll have more to talk about when we start doing stuff. Yeah. I'd like the other girl to join us, but she doesn't seem terribly interested... I don't wanna be the snotty girl who leaves her out... Maybe tomorrow I'll sit near her. Probably.

La la laaaa la. You'll be popular. Just not quite as popular as MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Such an awesome musical. I want to see it again. :D

Oh, and Jordan and I are going to Las Vegas in a few weeks for a weekend! I'm totally excited, I've never been outside Canada. Should be amazing!!!!!!!!

K, that's it for now. Gotta go to bed soon, I guess. Blah.

update!

2011-08-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hi Jaimie!! lol. I finally got my computer up and running.... took long enough.

Anyway... Saskatchewan has been wonderful so far. When I moved back at the end of May I was staying with my mom for a while.. until my cats came in the middle of June. Then we stayed at my brother's until I got my house back on July 1st. Parker (the older and fatter cat) was so happy to be back in his house. Luna was still getting used to moving around... poor little thing. We got her spayed in the middle of July, thank goodness. No more cat pee everywhere. Phew.

But yeah... umm... oh, we got a dog a little while ago. His name is Gizmo and he is a pomeranian cross... not sure what he's crossed with :P. We got him from the SPCA... he's 3. I love him.

Jordan and I are doing pretty ok... usually. Except I've kind of found that when I stand up for myself, he just gets mad and wants to like end the conversation there, but I don't let him. And then we get over it. So I guess that's ok.

I start school in a week! Holy crap! I'm gonna rule at it, though. I hope. lol.

I have to talk to Darwin about my schedule at work... he let me come back... I was working full time for a while, but a couple weeks ago he switched me to just afternoons. Which kind of sucked... but I mean... whatever. He should be getting more work and not taking the lack of work out on me. But whatever. :) lol

Sigh, I love being in my house again. I'm glad it didn't sell. :P I do miss Ottawa a lot though... well, not right now, cuz it'd be way too hot for me to survive there... but it's so pretty there. Hopefully I'll be able to live there again one day.

I had my family reunion at the end of July, beginning of August. It was so much fun and soooo wonderful to see my family again! I got really drunk though... you can't have me and my cousin together without beer. lol. :P Anyway, really good time.

Hmmm... what else?

Ummm... uhhh... I'm trying to work out 3 times a week... although this past week I only worked out twice. lol. Mandy and I had bought leisure passes to all the leisure centres in the city... we were swimming for a while, and then she got busy. So I've just been going to the field house and going on the treadmill. I don't seem to be losing any weight though, because I keep eating shit. lol. But I'm staying around the same, which is ok, but not ideal. And when I start school next week(!) I won't have time to really go anymore... I've been going in the mornings because I only work afternoons... I was like I should probably do something useful if I'm not working... :P and I hate cleaning lol.

So... I dunno. Jaimie! You need to update your journal! lol... sorry it took me so long to update. I wanted to so many times, but I hate using other people's computers. Anyway.... if something happens, I'll let you know! haha.

Yours truly,

Katy

Trust...

2011-05-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

So... ok. I can't remember when this was, a few months ago, I believe. But it was awful...

I had suspicions for some reason that Jordan was cheating on me. I'm paranoid and I watch way too much Maury. But like, I was at school all day... he stays at home and works... so I didn't know... you know... like I said, I'm paranoid.

So there was one evening where I looked through his phone. He had one of those android phones and had that weird unlock thing... I knew his pattern. So I looked at it. I looked at his texts... there was none in there (he's paranoid, too... but not cuz of me... well back then, not cuz of me :P) and then I looked in his contacts and he had a girl's name in there that I didn't know with an Ottawa area code... so I was like... what the hell. In my mind that confirmed my suspicions. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't tell him I looked through his phone!

So I waited.

A few nights later, I thought Jordan had gone to bed and so I got up and started looking through his phone again. I had just unlocked it and opened a browser to see what he had been looking at... before it loaded, I heard rustling and he was getting out of bed!! He was coming down the stairs!!! And there I was, standing with his phone in my hand... so I quickly flipped it upside down, hoping he wouldn't notice the lights was still on. I tried to distract him... and he knew something was up, obviously. He looked over at where his phone was and looked at me with the worst look he's ever given me. I felt so horrible. So awful. He was like... time for bed, Katherine. And I was like yeah... and I was crying.

And we talked... well... I tried to explain why I did what I did and he told me how silly I was for even thinking that stuff. And that if I ever invaded his privacy again, he'd leave. Just leave. And I was like, that seems extremely fair.

So we're over that and agreed we'd never talk about it again. But here it is, just so I can remember to never betray his trust ever, ever again.

You know what though? Last year, before he stopped talking to a girl he'd known for years... let me start again.

Last year.. no, the year before last, the police phoned me one day at work. And were like... did jordan go to work today? And I was like... yeah... I think so.

"Oh, well, his truck is in front of the house."
"What? Oh... well, maybe he got a ride. Yeah, he must have gotten a ride."
"Oh... ok. Would you mind coming home so we can have a look inside and just make sure he's not in there... we received a call from a friend of his named Kaity in Toronto saying she was worried about him."
"OMG! Are you serious? What the hell is going on?"
"Please, just come by and we'll just make sure everything is ok."
"OK, I'm on my way."

So I got there... the cops were waiting for me... I let them in... they were like, do you want to check upstairs or do you want us to? I was like, you, please. So they did, he wasn't there. He was at work. And I was like... OK, why don't I know what my boyfriend is thinking of? Why doesn't he talk to me? All those questions and so many more... and my hatred for that girl just crept up and up and up. It was already high... but anyway...

So he got home and I was like... so Kaity phoned the cops and they made me leave work because she thought you killed yourself. And he was like, that fucking bitch. I'm never speaking to her again!

Anyway, I told him we needed to talk more and if he was feeling horrible about us, that he needed to talk to me about it, not her. So that I could change whatever it was that was making him upset... or whatever.

Anyway, fast forward like 5 months. We're at the Calgary airport, coming back from Toronto... to go back home to Saskatoon. I look over his phone and he's messaging her!!!!!!! I felt so fucking betrayed. SO betrayed. I had a fucking fit. And he was like, what? I don't need to tell you who I'm talking to. And I'm like, you need to not fucking lie to me. And he was like well, I'm talking to her and you need to deal with that. And I was like grrrr....

So I had that feeling for a long time, that he was always lying to me and stuff. But I know he's not talking to her anymore (after the billionth time she bitched at him about her boyfriend... he was so sick of that, cuz like, she wouldn't just dump him but whatever) and he's never on his phone anymore. He used to be on that thing 24/7. It drove me crazy.

I've lost my train of thought.

But... we're really, really good now. And when I moved to Ottawa and Jordan went back to Saskatoon until we reunited a month later, he gave me an antique pearl necklace. It was beautiful. Actually, I had found it before we left... like 3 weeks before. And I couldn't keep it in cuz he was still talking to whatsherface then and I blurted out one day... "Who's the necklace for?!" And he was like you. Of course. And I - again - felt totally horrible. Why do I constantly do that to myself? Like, I feel I don't deserve such happiness that I imagine things going on that aren't going on.

But whatever, right now, at the moment, I'm in a super good place. PGI contacted me and were like... so are you ready to work, cause apparently we have an opening. And I was like heck yes! So I'm moving back very shortly :D

Super happy.

In conclusion, I love Jordan, and I need to love myself just as much. :P I guess...? I don't even remember what I wrote in this post... this was like... confessions of an idiot. Volume 1. :P

Hi Jaimie!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-05-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

Yay, a visitor!

Haha... sigh :P

OK, so... I'm unemployed. Expecting Jordan to pay for everything as of late... well, it's been like this since... mmm.. October I suppose. But yeah... so I'm applying places, but nobody out here wants to hire me :( - but I don't really want to work anyway. Don't tell Jordan that! Oh, I'm so awful. :P

Um... what else? Well.. yeah, we're moving back to Saskatchewan, I'm going to go to school there for this drafting/modeling thing... and then we'll be back in our house (because it didn't sell last summer, which I guess was a blessing in disguise - though that city really gets on my nerves sometimes). Ooo, so much pressure writing for an audience... of one. lol.

Oh man, the other day I was looking for stuff to put in my portfolio, and I found this weirdass picture of some random guy from years ago... NO IDEA who he is. And there were two pics of him that I burned onto this cd... I must have had a crush on him or something. I know it wasn't creepy stalker Colin, and it certainly wasn't Kevin... or Jordan for that matter... but I can't for the life of me figure out who it is! And it's super creepy!

Ah, the things we used to do, eh?

Man... When I'm bored I tend to look back at old emails I've saved.. and I read them and I'm like.. you gotta be kidding me. I am so stupid. How did anyone even continue talking to me? lol. Why? But oh well...

I'm on WeightWatchers now... a week and a half. Lost 5 pounds though! So I hope that continues. It's cause I'm not constantly stuffing my face anymore... I miss cookies. And chips. Sigh...

But can't dwell on that, I've got a hot body to look forward to! hahahaha... Hmmm.... what else, what else?

I don't know. Oh right. The kitten keeps going into heat and pissing on my blanket. That's really annoying. I washed it this morning, layed it out to dry, and she peed on it again. So it's hanging up to dry - again - after washing it - again. Just don't have the money at the moment to get her spayed. She must be spayed. I don't get why people don't spay and neuter their cats... I mean... if you can wait long enough it's really cheap. Anyway, I'm blabbing.

Get to work on your blog, Jaimie! Hehehehe. I can't wait to hear about all your adventures again!

I feel a weakness coming on

2011-04-20T19:50:00.001-07:00

I'm really depressed right now. Thoughts keep going back to... yeah. I clearly need to go to the doctor again when I get back home. I'm sad to leave Ottawa. I think that's what's going on. I don't want to go back there. I do, but I don't, you know?

Also Jordan isn't here, so there's no one to talk to. He went to Toronto. He'll be back Friday. Which isn't far away. But I have one more final tomorrow, then I HAVE TO FUCKING FINISH my shop project. It's a vise. Kind of complicated and I'm really slow at working on the mill. I don't know why. Maybe cuz it burned the crap out of my hand last semester. But whatever. So hopefully I can finish it.

Then next fall I'll be back in Stoon taking the CAD/CAM course. So hopefully that goes really well.

I wrote my math final today and that did not go so well. I always forget how to do shit when it comes to tests and I can't look it up. I just can't remember. And yesterday's theory final was fucking horrible, but I guess that doesn't matter cuz I won't need that next year. But yeah, I really like this city and I don't want to leave. But we still own that house... a very nice house and I'm sort of excited to be back in MY house... instead of a rental. But I hate that city.

Ugh.

I also am feeling like a huge failure. Like I'm not fucking good enough. Like, I used to think - ok, this is going to come off as really bitchy and... awful, but - I used to think I was better than Jordan's sister. Like, I was planning on going back to school, I had a job, I had a house... life was great. And now with one fell swoop, she's surpassed me by miles, it feels. Like, she takes one year of school to become a paralegal and then she's making 100 thousand a year. What the fuck? She's not done school yet, but like... shit. I feel like such an idiot. Like... I don't know what the fuck to do with my life. Still. Going on 25 and still retarded. It just sucks. And I don't have any money and I just hate everything right now. I just feel stupid and... it sucks.

I still miss Shawna. When I'm by myself, she's all I think about. And how much I miss her.

I mean, his sister even named her cat Catty. How lame is that? It's stupid that it makes me angry, but that's the dumbest name ever. And it sounds like my name. I know it's dumb to think like this, but I can't help it. I can help discussing it with Jordan though. And that's why I'm writing it down. I don't plan on telling him how much that name pisses me off :P Cuz he'll just call me crazy.

I wish I had my own money. I wish I wasn't so dumb and got a job. Actually, I wish I had never moved here and stayed in Stoon for another year. Jordan says he doesn't feel like this was a mistake, but I do. I mean, it's my fault we moved all of our fucking shit out here. But like he said, no one knew the house wouldn't sell. I would be finishing my program here if it weren't for that. I really should just go to bed.

I'm so tired and sick. Oh yeah, this week I set up to have 3 finals, 3 days in a row and then I got sick. Terrific, right? What a horrible week. But I get to see my mom next week which is good. I love her. And my brother. And Casey the dog. He doesn't have much longer... :P But he's soooo cute. And Mandy! And Mandy's dogs! Yay. Ok, I'm happy now. Thanks, blog.

Whoa.

2010-12-12T17:31:00.000-08:00

Wow. Thank god I have an automatic login :P cuz i was about to be like, I have no idea how to get on this thing to update it.

I'm in Ottawa now, going to school to be a mechanical technician. Finals are goin on right now. Then next weekend or possibly wednesday I'm putting up the christmas tree. Jordan's family is coming for Christmas. Should be interesting. They're nice, I like them. Then on the 27th back to Saskatoon for almost 2 weeks! Really excited about that. Get to see mandy and wes and jessica. And Amy. Who was just in Ottawa for a conference so we had a great drunken friday night. Ah, soooo much fun.

Anyway, I read the last post I made, and I am so in love with that title I think I will start writing again. So that's something to do over Christmas.

Also, I'm reading the last harry potter book again before I see the movie. Gonna see it with mandy, should be awesome.

What else...? Oh crap, I still haven't phoned my stepmom since moving here in September. Shit. I should get on that.

Jordan brought home a kitten at the beginning of October, and Missy (border collie we've had since January... got her from some dumbass friend of Mandy's...) was so scared of it we ended up giving Missy to Jordan's parents, who were in desperate need of a dog (theirs passed away a year ago, and they loooove dogs and were looking). So yeah, she's much happier and Parker has learned to love the kitten. Her name is Luna.

Anyway... I guess I'll go watch some TV or something... or study. But that's for chumps. :P I need to change my philosophy on life, I think.

burst of tears, broken heart

2009-07-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

So... I was reading Eclipse, third in the series of Twilight. I just started it. 15 pages in, maybe, and I start bawling. Because Edward's skin was cold (obv) and I thought about my grandpa's eulogy that my dad gave and how grandpa had poor circulation like dad does. And then I thought about when I saw grandpa in the hospital and how dad brought him a pair of socks. And how we stuck them on his feet. And then I just remembered how sad it was to see him lying there like that... I'm so glad I went though. I really am. I told my grandpa I love him and I'm glad I did. But it's silly... he died just over a month ago, the funeral was two weeks ago... it'll take way longer to get over it than that, though. I mean, I'm still grieving for Shawna. :P

Anyway, Jordan's in bed, half asleep. He said goodnight to me and I said goodnight to him. And because I was upset, I asked him if I could have a hug. He said no. And then I waited a while... then came on my computer because I decided I had to hear Spitting Games by Snow Patrol. It's my song.

He's a jerk sometimes. I'm not used to it, still. Roommates got a kitten. It's cute. Her name is Autumn and she's a calico kitty. CUTE!

Anyway, I just had to write that down, to help me get it out of my system. Now... back to bed. Maybe. I have all next week off, I'm so excited!! Whee. Movie watching, here I come!!!!!

I also miss my cousins Rachael and David. We buried grandpa next to their stone. It was surprising to see their stone there. I didn't know it would be there. It upset me a little cuz I didn't get to go out there last year for the ceremony. Who would have thought a year later, grandpa would be joining them up on that hill. Oh well.

Listening to Spitting Games for the third time. Then I'm off to bed as soon as it's done and Jordan will think I got up because I was mad at him... I'm not really, I'm just upset and wanted a little comfort. But he couldn't be bothered and I can't blame him. I'm always bugging him... oh well.

I find it easier to sit and stare than push my limbs out towards you right there. My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes. Eyes blue as oceans and as pure as skies. Struggle for the words and then give up.

Yeah... i love this song. Ever since mandy told me about in, like, grade 12 I guess. She said it reminded her of me. :P Not surprising if you know the lyrics. I was a pretty creepy kid. :P Anyway...

yeah, I should go to bed. I feel a lot better now, thanks blog.

I just came up with the title of this post now. I like it. I should write poetry. I used to be really good. They were weird, but really good. Yeah. Much better than Colin the retard's poems. Oh my god, those were awful. Anyone remember him? Stalker that he was. Ew. Shudder. K, done.

Rest in Peace, Grandpa Rodger

2009-06-04T14:30:00.001-07:00

My grandpa died yesterday (June 3). Yeah... I went to Medicine Hat two weeks ago where he was in the hospital... pneumonia, his kidneys were failing and they found he had bone cancer.

I'm not sure why he died now... I thought he was getting better... his pneumonia wasn't gone completely when they moved him back to Kelowna last Friday (May 29). He was a lot stronger though... not as weak.

I just feel numb.

My dad phoned my cell yesterday morning at like 10:30... I didn't answer cuz I was at work, and I didn't get it in time. :P I listened to his voicemail at 12. Right before lunch. I obviously started crying. Regained my composure. Went for lunch. Darwin came in and was like... are you ok? Is it your grandpa? Did he die? Yes, was my answer. He told me to take the rest of the day off, so I did. He's actually really nice. Anyway... so yesterday afternoon I just hung out with Mandy cuz she left work early cuz she wasn't feelin' too hot... so we watched dr horrible and then went shopping (she started feeling better as I made her forget about her job). After that we went to Curves. Later in the evening I phoned dad... he wasn't sure when the funeral would be...

This morning dad emailed me with the date of the funeral. June 20th. And now I'm not feeling so numb, thank goodness. I hate being numb. I need to cry. I'm that kind of person. Let it out. Anyway... I'm still not sure if I'll go. I want to. But then again, I don't. I don't want to see grandma like that. But I need to see her. Anyway... I asked Darwin if i was ok if I took this afternoon off too. He said it was ok. So here I am... trying to cry... trying to come to terms with it, I guess.

I think I've almost come to terms with it... like... my mom's parents died when I was 13 and 15 or something. I know what it's like not to have people around anymore. And Shawna... but I meant I know what it's like not to have old people around anymore. I know the young people feeling too and I'm still struggling with that, I think. I'm just rambling, but I haven't blogged in so long and a few things have been going on, so I just needed to get it down.

I was in counselling, but I've quit that now cuz I didn't really like my new counsellor. She just seemed like she didn't give a shit. And I can't talk to someone who doesn't want to hear it.

Anyway... I am likely going to Kelowna on the 19th. Fly there. Fly back on Sunday. Not sure. I have too many bills to pay, too. I kinda skipped out on them last month, apparently. I knew I forgot something...

I ran a red yesterday while I was driving with Mandy. It was scary. Luckily, no cars were coming the other way. But really... I have to pay more attention to my surroundings. Seriously.

Grandpa: "So Katy, tell me about yourself."
Katy: "What do you want to know?"
Grandpa: "Everything."
Katy: "... um... heh... okay... I don't know."

And I didn't really tell him anything. But I stole butter for him from the cafeteria while he was in the hospital. It didn't have a price on it... so I just took it. :P Plus, he couldn't eat his disgusting hospital peas without it. And I tried to make him feel better... make conversation with him. Dad told me what he said the morning we left. Dad told grandpa that Chris and I had left that morning and grandpa said... "Oh... I had a dream about them last night." Apparently Chris and I were in Medicine Hat making a movie and we were driving with an alligator in the car. Dad asked if we were scared because of the alligator... but grandpa said no... and that the alligator was the one who looked scared. Cute. :)

I'm going to miss him. Very much.

From 27 to 4

2009-04-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

Wow. I guess it's been almost 2 months... no, it has been two months, basically, since I started my medication and 6 weeks since I started counselling.

I went from 27 on that "depression test" to 4. Good. I'm proud of myself.

But I would like it better if I wasn't so crazy. I kicked my car on Tuesday cuz Jordan called me fat and I was really upset. And he just saw the dent this morning. And now everyone in the house probably knows and they didn't even say hi when I walked in. So, whatever. Fuck 'em. I'll probably spend the evening at my mom's house.

****

After that interruption from Jordan, I realize I shouldn't be so conceited. :P Not everyone cares about me and what I've done.

The Mercedes dealership stole $500 from Mike on top of the $500 they hadn't refunded to him yet, but said they did. And Jordan's not getting the Aura because he would have to pay another $2200 on the down payment, which we clearly can't afford. He was using the credit card to pay $1500 on the down payment. The $2200 was supposed to come from his truck, the trade-in or whatever. I dunno. Cuz he owes lots on it. But anyway, so no hybrid for us. Gas guzzling truck is where it's at.

Anyway, I still wish I hadn't kicked my car. Mandy was trying to help me get it out on Wednesday after we stopped by Curves to make an appointment, cuz apparently you need an appointment. :P Anyway, it's on Monday and we'll be awesome hot. :P Or at least healthy.

Anyway... the suction cup thing I bought didn't work and yesterday I actually got my hand behind the metal part... but I'm not strong enough to bend that shit. Well... my arm isn't. So I gotta take it somewhere I guess. I'm hoping it's not very much money. It probably will be, though.

Basement renovations are coming along. Drywall's arriving tomorrow and I asked Jordan to frame the bathroom so the plumber can come... I gotta buy that shower and a sink and a toilet. Sigh. Good old mom... lending me money. I love her so much. :D

Anyway... I gotta go appear like I'm not a psycho now and go downstairs, I guess. Meh.

Wait! I've been playing yo-yo with the cat. He loves it. It's hilarious. It's also helping my arm it feels like.. all muscly or something. Heh. Whatever. It's awesome. Yo-yos are the shit.

ranTOR

2009-03-12T21:15:00.001-07:00

I heard of a new band today and I love the one song I've heard! I heard it twice today on Alt Nation (xm radio) - once on my way to work and once on mah way home. It was awesome. And now I'm listening to it. It's called Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors by Editors. I love his voice. Wow. Yeah... I love satellite radio... mmmm.

I have two gerbers growing! I feared my plant was dead and there was no hope left, but like 3 days ago two buds popped up and now they're blooming! YAY! I've had that plant for almost a year now... it's almost died so many times... but I'm glad it's still alive. And my roses from December are still kind of red... they're definitely dying though.. of course...

Anyway. I'm doing pretty good. Seeing a counsellor... she's really nice, although I told her I want to talk about Shawna more... which kind of scares me cuz I don't really know what to say about it other than it makes me really, really sad and I just want to collapse when I think about it. But yeah... she says people grieve differently and even though it's been four years, I might grieve for the rest of my life... in little spurts .... ebbs and flows.

Also, there's this other song I'm really digging right now. In This City by Iglu & Hartly. It's groovetastic. Yeah.

I have to get my tax stuff together... sigh. Living without mom sucks, cuz I have to keep everything and then dig it up again. I've gotten messy... messier than usual over the past year... possibly the depression? I don't know. Or I'm just lazy... probably just laziness.

But yeah. Anyway... work is actually going okay. I'm liking it again at least. So that's good. Anyway... those two songs I mentioned... awesome. They're totally my taste in music. Obviously. I have to go shower and go to bed now. Sigh.

Those gerbers make me happy! They're pink... and pretty. And blooming! I'm excited. K, shut up. Go shower.

I'm sick... and it's more than just a cold.

2009-02-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

I went to the doctor yesterday. Told her I thought I was depressed. She asked me why I thought that, how I was feeling and then gave me 'the test'. Turns out I'm pretty sick. Moderately to severely depressed, actually. She gave me pills and I'm going to see a counsellor. I feel good about it all, that I finally got the help I needed for so long and that I'm on the 'road to recovery and good health'. It's just so weird. I honestly didn't think I was that bad. Apparently, thoughts of suicide are not normal. Not that I thought about it often. I mean... I did... a lot. I didn't today. Today was my first pill day. I felt sick this morning at work... knew I would. She and the pharmacist both told me it might affect my stomach. I also did have a dry mouth. Ah, who would have ever thought I'd be on anti-depressants? Well... one anti-depressant. I have to go back and see my doctor once a week for at least a month to see how I'm doing on the meds. I just read what I wrote and didn't remember writing that I thought about killing myself 'a lot'. How odd. There's a lot of things I don't remember. That have to do with my mind. This is just weird. I haven't told my dad. My mom knows, she went with me to the doctor. I phoned her on Monday night and told her I was suicidal, after confiding in Jordan. I finally told him what was actually going through my head and he said, that's it, you're going to the doctor or I'm telling your mom. So I just told my mom. And she set up the appointment for me. And followed me home from the doctor yesterday. She's really worried about me, I think. That's sort of why I don't want to tell my dad... I don't really want him checking up on me more than he does... which is really not that often. But yeah. He does have a right to know, I guess. I mean... I don't want him to worry though. Doc said it's mostly genetic... and... I'm pretty sure it's from his side of the family. I mean... my cousin committed suicide, his sister (other cousin) just died last year from depression-related causes (anorexia)... and my little cousin cuts herself (but she's a teenager... is it a phase?) That's what I thought mine was. 'A phase'. I thought... I'm 22 and I'm still going through those teenage phases... how stupid can you be? :P

But it'll be good. I'll be on them for... I'm pretty sure a while. And will later have to be weaned off them very slowly because apparently - Jordan looked this up - when you go off it, you can get brain shocks. WHAT? I was not told about that and am now worried. But... I know my doctor's just trying to make me healthy and I trust her. I haven't told any of my friends... I was thinking about telling mandy... but I'm not sure. Jordan says she might not be the best person to tell... that she might start giving me bad advice or something. But from now on, the only person I'm going to listen to is my doctor... and my counsellor when I start seeing them.

I'll probably phone my stepmom this weekend or something and tell her. Tell her I'm finally seeing someone and that she doesn't have to worry anymore... not that I think she was worrying, but... I'm pretty sure Shawna is at least part of the reason I got so low. But whatever. Everything just piled up for so long... and... I was just never happy anymore. At all. I hated doing anything. But yeah. So. Celexa. We'll see how it treats me.

And... don't feel bad or anything. I finally got the help I needed and I will be fine. I don't know when, but I will be better. Thank God! :P Haha.

I hate it...

2009-01-26T20:42:00.001-08:00

-When he spazzes out on me and doesn't apologize hours later when he finally works up the courage to face me.

-When he calls me a bad driver. Which goes with my first one there. What the fuck... I'm a good driver... it's you who can't park right. Okay? I admit, I should have paid a little more attention, but I was trying so hard not to hit your giant fucking monster that I didn't notice. Whatever. So I hit the garage. Who cares? It was just my mirror. And it's not even really a scratch. It's barely a scratch. At least from what I saw. I'll get a better look tomorrow, I guess.

It's not like the car was in perfect shape when I got it. There's scratches and dents all over it. Why is he such a fucking baby? It's not like he even has any money invested in it. It's all my mom's money.

Anyway...

And I was being so nice today, too. I bought him supper, bought him chips (which I later popped the bag when I stepped on it.......... by accident......... and then left a buck for him cuz I felt bad for popping the bag... which I totally did on purpose cuz I was pissed. I keep doing that... irrational things and then a milisecond later I regret it. I'm worried it'll turn more violent... ahem. Anyway...)

I think I might ask Mandy for the name of that therapist she found. Who deals with depression... loss...

I saw my stepmom on Thursday last week. She was visiting my stepsister in Manitoba and decided to drive here with everyone. So it was nice... but she gave me a disc of pictures of Shawna. They made my cry... like... hysterically. It's still hard to believe... and deal with. I get that she's not around, but it makes me really sad. You know? Like... I wish she could see me now... I'd be a different person, I'm pretty sure. Probably more confident... I don't know. And now I'm crying just thinking about her. It's just... I don't wanna pay to just talk about my feelings. Though I probably need it. I'm so broke right now. I don't know why. Bills, I guess.

Jordan's broke cuz he's spending all his money on the basement... for the two ungratefuls. You know... they better not have gotten a free ride in January. I mean... they were here the entire month. So... I dunno. Everything is just upsetting me right now and it's all because I didn't get an apology. It's not like I hurt his precious baby. Why is so fucking stupid sometimes? And why can't I argue without calling people names? I grew up with a big brother, I guess that's why. Every time we fight I call him names. Like... "fucking asshole" was the one I kept using this evening. And I wonder why he spazzes out on me and takes advantage of my idiocy. Whatever. I've got work to do that I was pretty sure I had, but didn't check til 10 minutes ago. In fact, I've got four logos I have to redraw. Terrific. I don't want to do them. Sigh.

On the plus side... Montreal next Thursday. If Jordan sticks around. :P Which he will, he always does. Well... so far.

And if he used my credit card to purchase that drywall... I'm going to be pissed. Even more so, because we still have to book our hotel... and how are we gonna pay for that with no credit? Hmm? You don't know? Well, neither do I. Possibly... real money that we actually have... but... that's not likely.

As my mother keeps insisting... I'm living beyond my means. Which is true. And it really has to stop, but it's hard. You know? I really don't need to be in more debt than I already am... you know... the whole house thing...

Gotta work on those drawings now.

Still having trouble with Mandy's invites... just can't make them look better... sigh.

UPDATE: Yep, he definitely used my credit card to buy that. What a fucking joke. I never should have gotten a second one. I don't know how the hell he talks me into this shit. Of course, he's helping pay it off, but so far this year... (I know it hasn't even been a month...) I'm the only one who's put anything on it. What a goddamn joke. I probably won't even come home tomorrow. You know... I don't think I will. ... I probably will. Can't risk leaving him alone with the house. He might sell it.

RAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. He was only supposed to use it for work stuff because he gets reimbursed for that. He's just so fucking stupid sometimes!!!! But if I tell him he's stupid, he won't pay it back. Probably. Gawd... I'm... sometimes I think I just made a huge mistake committing to someone. I knew I should have played the field... nuts.

I'm sort of kidding... maybe.

Fucking roommates.

2009-01-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

Wow.

I really fucking hate them. Like... it's unreal. Pretty much. I think of them and am filled with rage. Roommates. That I didn't even want, nor did I agree to.

By the way, Jordan, I am trying really hard to like you, but when you talk to them it makes me want to fucking kill you.

She's fucking lucky she got that job. And stupid ass B is having his grandparents pay his rent. I don't want their money, I want his. Not cool. Either way, it's money, but I'd rather they move out and his grandparents pay a stranger.

FUCK.

I'm just so fucking pissed off and it sucks because I can't say anything or Jordan will freak out at me again and make me feel really, really stupid. So I'm just going to come into my office from time to time and vent in here.

Also, move your fucking hockey sticks you stupid motherfucker before I throw them in the garbage! Swear to God. You've been here a week and they've been sitting in the same place. In MY living room. MOVE THEM. Of course, I asked Jordan when they were going to be moved yesterday and he told me not to start with him. And then later, we went out for supper - just the two of us - and he was like, I know, geez, I should just put them in the garage and not tell him. And I was like... are you fucking kidding me? You told me not to start... of course, I didn't say anything when he said that. I'm getting really sick of this house. I might actually go stay with mom for a while.

It's like... if they wonder why I ignore them all the time, or say as little as possible... I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! GET YOUR OWN FUCKING PLACE.

I'm just really pissed and frustrated because like... I love Jordan and for some reason he has a man crush on this guy... I can't stand him by the way. Like... at all, if it isn't obvious by my ranting. Fuck. Seriously. I just want out of here. He's gone to class... she drove him. I should be sitting with Jordan, but he's going to ask me why Mike's grandparents paying for his living arrangements pisses me off. So I don't want to go down there.

I just want to go to sleep. I might do that. Yeah. I might. Or, you know, go try and kill myself, either one. :P Except... you know, not.

And she was complaining about how the dishes aren't getting cleaned in the dishwasher. Jordan was like, that's because you guys overfill it. And she's like, no we don't. And he's like, yeah, you do.

Plus they put the utensils in standing up... like spoon end up. And KNIFE end up. It's fucking ridiculous. That's my theory on why the spoons are so disgusting after they're "washed". Cause they don't do it right. My way. Idiots. I just want to leave. I really do. But of course, I won't. I'll just continue ignoring them until they go away. Forever.

Dear Prudence... won't you come out to play? Dear Prudence... greet the brand new daaaaaayyyyyyyy. The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you, dear Prudence... won't you come out to play?

I really like that song. I'm going crazy, I'm pretty sure. Work is getting to me and so is home. Home has gotten to me since they moved here last week, though. No, before that. Because they were coming. Yeah. Like... if they weren't living with me, I'd like them okay because I wouldn't have to deal with them or their habits. LIVING WITH PEOPLE SUCKS. Especially when you hate them.

Oh my...

2008-12-21T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited for Christmas! :)

Jordan says he spent too much on me. I spent a lot on him, too. I hope he likes his presents.

I don't want to work tomorrow. Bah. Only three days and then an entire week plus two days off!!!! YAY!

It's gonna be awesome.

I was reading the post I wrote when I first met Jordan just now. It's hilarious. I miss how I used to write. I don't think I write like that anymore. I've become boring. But I like how I said he would be the last guy I met and he was. :P

Just wanted to say how much I love him, even though I yell at him a lot... I'm just kind of weird like that. I treat those I love with... not very niceness... it's awful and I have to change that... especially if i want to have kids someday. Can't treat them like crap. Or make them feel bad. Or anything. Yeah. I'll keep that in mind and try showing him that I love him, instead of just saying I do.

YAY CHRISTMAS!

Hahah.

By the way... Burton and Mel are moving here in like... a week. Into my house. By the way, Jordan didn't ask me what I thought about this. I'm still pissed. I really do hate him for that.

He never asks me anything when it comes to Burton. He just decides whatever and then lets me know... I don't have a choice. Whatever. I told Jordan I was gonna be the biggest bitch to them... 'cause I don't want them here... (they're nice, but like, I don't want roommates). Anyway, he was like, well, then you're not gonna get any. And I'm all thinking to myself... I'm not gonna get any anyway. I hate it when other people are around. Obviously. Whatever. Kinda pissed, but hopefully Mel will make me go do stuff with her. I want to. She wants to meet people and whatever... I should become more social. But meh. I'll try to be nice to them when they get here. I guess.

YAY Christmas! :P

Yep...

2008-11-02T21:40:00.000-08:00

I'm 22 now. Have been for quite a few weeks. I guess. Nothing different, really. Except the fact that I am surely slowly going crazy. A little more every day. It's great. Senality is the life... senism? senile... you know... Yeah.

I don't wanna work tomorrow! :(

American election is on Tuesday. it's kind of exciting even though I don't live there and am not American. Way better than our election that no one talked about... and how it was so unnecessary and we got exactly the same result we had before... and Stevie broke his own law calling the election in the first place, but whatever. Go OBAMA! :P He'll be great. But so were a lot of other people... I hope he gets his four years. I really do...

Anyway... that's it. I have to go to bed now. G'night.

2008-10-01T20:58:00.001-07:00

OH YEAH! I'M TURNING 22 IN 11 DAYS! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? :P

I get a cake at work. :P 'Cause everybody does on or around their birthday. It's neat. K, really have to go shower now... or at least get off my computer. g'night.

Gotta update more.

2008-10-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

I think I'ma try and update more. Because there's so many stories I want to write down, but never remember to... so... I need to get back in the habit. For instance...

A couple weekends ago, Jordan and I were at Canadian Tire. I believe I saw Dave working there. Dave, dave. The Dave I freaked out on on our fourth date? Yeah. I'm fairly certain it was him. But yeah... he wasn't wearing his necklace anymore... that's good, it was lame. Same with Jordan. I noticed the other week he doesn't wear his necklace anymore... hasn't for a long time. :P Good. I never liked it anyway.

Anyway... Dave totally looks kinda like Jordan. Hmm. I think he recognized me, too, 'cause he was totally intent on not looking at me. Oh well.

hmm... what else...

We went out for wings tonight with some of Jordan's old coworkers. They're nice enough.

I'm drunk.

But typing rather well. And correctly, right?

I keep thinking I'm like that guy on House last night. (I've started watching House again. Got back into it this season... when I saw last year's finale. I was like OH MY GOD, what a good show. Yeah. So we watch that on Tuesdays followed by Fringe - also awesome.) Anyway... and like everything looks fine to me, but really it's totally fucked up. It's a scary thought. I'm not taking any drug trials, though, so I'm sure I'm fine.

I've had this cold so long - a week and a half?... no, less than that - that I've mutated it and Jordan's caught it again. At least that's what he says. But he is sick again. Which is kinda sad.

Apparently I'm having a kid in the next... 2-3 years. Before Jordan's 30. :P We both admitted we want one before he's 30. Ha. So that'll be interesting. Which means we have to get married by then, according to him. He's not having a bastard. :P I'm a bastard... my brother's more of a bastard than I am, though. Moving on... yeah. He says he's not having one 'til we're married. Pffff. Meh. Good idea, I guess.

I got a new car. A matrix. It's not new. New to me... and awesome. But it's a 2003. With a fucking TV in it! And an excellent stereo system. Yeah. It's cool. And an alarm! Neat. So yeah... I sold my echo to my mom. :P And she regrets buying it... she bought it sort of for my brother, but he can't really afford it. ...Iunno.

Okay, I'm going to shower now and go to bed. I will update sooner rather than later. I'm sure I'm forgetting something... but who cares? Not I.

been a bit...

2008-08-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

I saw Kevin at Futureshop yesterday or the day before. It was awkward... I did not introduce him to Jordan. :P Although I'm told it's polite to introduce people you're with to people you know and see. I dunno. Whatever.

He seemed to be looking at my longingly... but that could just be my imagination. He's (hopefully) probably over me.

Gawd, I love Disney songs.

My new job is going really well. I hope they keep me around for a long time. It is stressful sometimes, but what job isn't? yeah...

So... Canada... uh... what's up with us not winning any medals? :P Yet, that is. Oh well... we'll kick ass in Vancouver! Woo. Yeah. Maybe. I'm not really watching the Olympics... I just looked at the medal count this morning. Maybe we've won one. Meh.

Family reunion was a couple of weekends ago. Jordan came. He says he's never going again... I don't blame him. :P

Umm... what else?... Oh, my mom bought a house for my brother to rent from her. They move in September. I think he's pretty excited. He's living with his girlfriend now.. I never mention him... but yeah, it's kind of a big deal I guess.

"Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!"

Disney = awesome.

I've been watching a lot of movies lately. I was sick Monday morning and didn't go to work all day... so I watched like three movies. St. Elmo's Fire, Muriel's Wedding, and A Mighty Wind - a mocumentary about folk singers. :P Hilarious. Anyway... and then today I watched LA BAMBA! Which just reminded me of how awesome 'Buddy' was. I went and saw that a couple months ago... gawd, it was awesome! I love Buddy Holly... :P I so wish I were alive back then to just ... be there. Haha.

Disney in French = twice is awesome!!

Hakuna Matata in French, actually.

I remember going to see the Lion King in the theatre in French when I was in like, grade two? I went into the classroom one morning and the teacher had written all the names on the board, and I was all, what the hell are those for? 'Cause I hadn't seen the movie yet, shame shame. But yeah... it was cool, I think.

I need to blog more. Sorry for the wait? :P Haha.

I'm vowing to hang out with my friends more. 'Cause I have to. It's like I don't know them anymore. Speaking of which, I need to either phone Jessica or send her a note on facebook. :P Likely facebook. Oh, facebook. You're awesome. Except... not.

I have so much to pay on my credit card still. Must do that tomorrow. So I get an accurate bill this time. :P Yeah... haha. Anyway...

OH YES! THIS SONG REMINDS ME COMPLETELY OF WESLEY!

"TO HELP UNFORTUANTE MERFOLK LIKE YOURSELF. POOR SOULS WITH NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO."

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty, they weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch.

Fuck yes, I love the little mermaid. Such a sexist, perverted little movie. Haha.

Betta.

2008-06-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

I feel a lot better about us now. We had that talk and we're a lot better now... well, I'm a lot better now. Cuz I was the one freaking out. :P

I do love him.

He's really sick though. He came home from work at lunch cuz he was throwing up. And he's not doing well tonight. If he's still like this tomorrow he has to go see someone. Cuz... yeah, I don't want him to die.

the fight

2008-06-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

My new job starts tomorrow. Yay? Sure. I don't know. I'm nervous, but I'm sure it will be fine.

Jordan and I had what I'm pretty sure was our biggest fight yesterday. We both blew up at each other, I guess mainly I blew up at him for no real reason... arguing over whether there was a step on the tent trailer we got (there isn't :P) and he was like I'm done. I'm leaving. And I fucking flipped out. Bawling, telling him he couldn't leave me. Really embarrassing shit. Yeah. Terrible.

Anyway, I told him I'd get some help with my temper... or something. I'm going to learn some breathing techniques and get a hobby. :P Something to make me happy. Something to look forward to.

He does that every so often... when it gets really bad... threatens to leave. Yeah. I need to have a talk with him about what the fuck we're doing because I don't feel safe and secure when he says stuff like that. How he could talk me into buying a house... and then leave me. If he ever did do that, I would have to hunt him down and just fucking... you know. Tell him off? Ha. Or something else.

I just... like, you know? So now I'm tiptoeing around everything. Like how much I don't want to scare him off with anything I might say. It just really sucks and I'm regretting everything right now. I love him, though, and would likely kill myself if he ever left. Ha. Except probably not. I'd kill him instead. But the bills! How the fuck would I pay that thousand dollar a month mortgage without him? He's just... really... he doesn't know how much he scares me sometimes, I don't think.

Anyway, I think we're passed that now... mostly. I'm still not really talking to him. I just can't right now. Not when you threaten me with something so traumatizing and mean it. Because I know he meant it. He would have regretted it had he left... at least I think he would have.

I just... we need to have a talk apparently. A meaningful one for a change.

I do love him, but if he left I wouldn't take him back. I'd want to, but I wouldn't be able to. You know what I mean? It would hurt too much.

And I know he's going to leave me someday because I don't think I need to do anything about these anger issues. I honestly don't. I really do think he should just put up with it. But I"m trying and so we'll see how it all works out.

Although he said as long as I tried, he'd be happy. So... yeah. We shall see.

If he were my age, he would so put up with it. It's cuz he's almost thirty he knows he doesn't have to put up with shit. It really sucks.

Shhh...

2008-06-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

Don't tell anyone yet, but I got offered a new job. I'm going to accept it tomorrow. IT'S A GRAPHIC DESIGNER JOB!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!! :)

yesssss. I'm pretty stoked.

Also, Jordan bought me more than half a video ipod. It's black and pretty. I love it. :) Heh. These are pretty good times.

We're also bike riding every day and eating better. And losing weight. Good times are these. :P

rant

2008-05-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

Goodness, I love the Jackson 5. Little mike doesn't look anything like big Mike which makes me wonder if that show I was watching the other day is correct... what the heck was that? Was it even... oh right, Robot Chicken. :P Alien Michael. :P

anyway... they're awesome. Mandy and I were looking at her parents' cds forever ago like... 3 1/2 years ago and I was like dude! Jackson 5! And she's all take it. And I was like, will do. Totally.

Ummm... still working at the place I've worked for over a year... yep.

OMG! I'M GOING TO SEE 'WALKING WITH THE DINOSAURS' OR SOMETHING ON SUNDAY! IT'S GONNA BE FUCKING AWESOME! Geology was like... well, he kept talking about dinosaurs all the time, showing us fricked up dudes... and awesome videos. That was a pretty good class... in the larger scheme of things. I guess. I only got 58... but... I dunno, I didn't go to a few classes cuz it was -50 outside! Celsius! That's death!

But yeah... passed all my classes. That's good. Jordan's mom is coming very shortly. 6 weeks I think? I've never met her. And she's staying with us, obviously. She sounds nice on the phone though. I said hello to her twice... haha. Once on Christmas... the other time yesterday. cuz I answered the phone both times. Indeed. Anyway, I'm nervous about that, but whatever...

Oh, and I've agreed to be one of Mandy's bridesmaids... like... I don't really know why I agreed... probably cuz she's "like" my best friend, though we barely see each other anymore. Jessica's mad at me I think cuz we were supposed to hang out last week but I kept not having time... :( But anyway...

I've discovered my new guilty pleasure... TMZ. I watch it everyday and laugh. It's awful. :P Never check the site though... I barely go on the computer these days... cuz I'm on one all day at work. And it's not very fun. But whatever.

I have to go now... TMZ is on in 4 minutes! Rock on! I'm a bit hyper now. Yep.

A rant about C-freak

2008-04-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

So, do you all remember Collin? Well... I saw him driving today. In fact, I drove right by him. He was in his gross old 2-door PURPLE ford escort. How much gayer can you get? :P He looked as douchey as I remember... I gave him the finger. Except not.

Oh, and I discovered that Mandy... my so-called friend :P ;)... added him as a friend on Facebook. When I discovered that I nearly fell off my chair. I was like what? She probably doesn't even remember or know who he is... he probably just had her on his msn list and added her... like he seems to do with a lot of girls. Not me though. I totally shot him down in January of last year. I was all, I have a boyfriend dickface and even if I didn't, no chance in hell would I go out with you again. Well... that's not really how it went down. I politely told him I would prefer not to go out for coffee with him cuz i had a boyfriend. And I'd talk to him later. Then I blocked and deleted him. :P

But yeah... it looks as though he's found himself a nice PLAIN girlfriend... which is what he thought I was... plain. Me! Imagine that! I used to think that before a real man came into my life. Ha. But yeah... I hope he's not happy. That bastard stole my first kiss. And I didn't even kiss him back! So whatever. Moving on...

I love Jordan and I'm glad I found him. :P... and asked him out when I'd only been talking to him for like 4 days... :P Whatever.

Finals start next week. Shit.

My desktop at the moment...

2008-03-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

This picture is my desktop right now. I love it. It's of me, my brother (in the hat), my cousin who died in January, Rachael and her brother David (who died back in... '94?)... back in like... I dunno... '89? How old do I look there? (I'm the little one.) My sweater says "Hug me, I'm a loonie!" and has loons on it... It's so freakin' awesome. Hehe. It makes me smile... :P

I'm almost done my geology essay which is due Monday and then I still have to start my English reader response type essay which is due Tuesday. :P It was a really good book... I recommend reading it... it's called Family Matters by ... um... something Mistri...? Geez, where is that book...?

Must get back to writing now.

Walking around in the stormy weather...

2008-03-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

Jordan has gone to Toronto... he left today.. his flight was three hours late departing... :P

I miss him already. I don't know what to do by myself anymore. That's sad.

:P

Like... don't get me wrong, I have an assload of stuff to do... finish reading a book, write a paper, ... study? :P Lots to do, just don't want to.

He phoned me when he landed and said he got depressed halfway to Toronto... cuz no Katy for four days. :P And I was like geez... come on, you're happy to have a break from me. Sigh. He's supposed to be back either late Sunday or Monday sometime. Yay! :P He went there to get our new car. Driving it back with Mike... who we bought it from for super cheap. Such a steal... then we're going to Edmonton (I hope) cuz we gots to go to IKEA. Get us some necessary furniture... well... necessary to make me feel better. :P About the look of the house... haha. :P

Debt sucks, by the way. I've been applying for graphic design jobs, but no one has called me back. It's incredibly retarded. Whatever though. I got a raise and work less... so... I get paid the same. Yeah, not bad. Benefits too. Neat, I guess. I have to go to the optometrist soon... my eyes are being super annoying these days...

Whoa, just zooming through my iTunes, I found The Exit again. I was in love with these guys back in graphic design school. :P Brin thought I had excellent taste in music... huge variety. :P Whatever. I do, but still... haha. Oh, it's also an awesome taste in music. Coheed and Cambria too... I should listen to them again. Yeah...

Oh yeah, I remember that other project I could work on while Jordan's gone... I have a few ads to work on for his friend...'s business. It's pretty awesome. It's for like, surround sound systems and home theatres... for all the work I'm doing he's going to install shit in our house... it's gonna kick so much ass. We have to buy everything, but no charge for labour. Cuz... labour for labour, you know. :P But yeah, that'll be awesome whenever it happens. I'm assuming not for quite some time. Oh well. That's okay. It's good practice for me. :)

Vader's Pet Pig

2008-03-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is by far my favourite song by The Beatles. I used to love the Beatles when I was a kid... then I didn't like them for a while... then I kind of got back into them... now they're okay... like... I dunno, I just have a ridiculous hatred of Paul McCartney. :P

Anyway. New things... wisdom teeth are coming in more... neat, I guess? They don't hurt anymore... they never really did, they were just annoying.

My workplace got bought out by another company so they're going to be changing shit around and stuff... so that'll be... interesting. I don't want to stay there. I applied for a graphic design position, but admitted I was going to school at the mo' and that may be the reason they didn't call me back... retarded. Apparently I have to give a months' notice at work now? That can't be legal... :P And I will never be doing that. So whatever. Two weeks' is as much as I'd give. Cuz honestly, who would know what they're doing for a job in a month? No one would ever let you take that long to come work for the new job... geez, making no sense.

I did okay on that essay for english... about Frnakenstein... oh, how that seems so long ago. It was. I have an in-class essay on Tuesday... shucks. I still don't know which stories I will copmare, or do a reader response for... I should be figuring that out now. I will when I'm done this. I also have to finish reading a 400+ page book soon for that class... almost halfway done. Been about a month since I started... good thing I started when I did.

I also have an essay to do for geology... I'm thinking either glaciers or sand dunes. When he was talking about them in class, I was like wow, that's neat. :P That class is really opening my eyes... :P cuz who thinks about rocks or how things are formed? Like, really. Nobody. Unless they're nerdy... or... just interested in that type of stuff. Whatever.

Just thought I would update...

Phantom of the Opera is coming here! I wanna take Jordan... he's seen it... I should see how much tickets are...

He's going to Toronto in a couple weeks to pick up the SUV he bought from his friend... they're driving it back. And then we're all going to Edmonton for like a day or something. IKEA!!!!! Yay! And then apparently a hockey game? Psh... haven't been to one of those since I was like... 5... you know, a real one with teams people have actually heard of.

Anyway, I should go. Sorry I don't update much anymore... I should get on that more... yeah...

school and stars... stars is a good band.

2008-02-01T18:10:00.000-08:00

So... I'm trying to write an essay for English at the moment, but it's kind of boring and as soon as I get on a bit of roll, I decide I haven't looked at a particular thing in a while... I dunno. I have to write a summary of an article regarding Frankenstein and Paradise Lost... it was an okay article. I liked Frankenstein though. That was the quickest I've ever read a book. Less than a month. Yeah, I know, it isn't a very long one, but I'm definitely not a reader.

Anyway... Jordan likes to watch this show called "Paranormal State" on A&E... and there was just one episode that scared the crap out of me. And when I read the demon's name now, I just fucking freak out and I don't want to move. Like, they wouldn't even say it on the show. and then Jordan looked it up cuz he's weird like that and wanted to know... but yeah. Well, when I read any demon's name that I think is it I freak out.

It's scary...

Especially when you're in a house all by yourself...

Mom's house used to scare me too. Except Chuckie was in her basement. Along with a couple ghosts, I'm sure. Including that lady from the Sixth Sense in the kitchen... AHHHHHH. Note to self: never watch that movie again. I watched it in grade 7 and... wow. It didn't really scare me until I thought about it too much. :P

But yeah... hmm... what's new? Well... I have midterms coming up... crap... I've barely done any homework. this week has been bitterly cold so I only went to one class on Thursday. :P Um... in fact, tragic story on one of the reserves here... on Yellow Quill. And now... yeah, there's lots of controversy. I hear about it all the time at work. It's just really sad. I can't even begin to imagine ever finding a frozen body.

but anyway, moving on...

I got Frankenstein out from the library and it was due back yesterday. I have not taken it back yet. Oops. :P I kinda want to finish my essays first... you know... I don't know what fines are these days though... I'm sure they're much more than the previous ten cents it was the last time I got a book out, which was like... man... well, probably not too long ago. Maybe 3 years? :P

I'm kidding. At least 1 though.

Well... what else? I ought to get back to writing... yes... that.

I'm worried we'll have much more winter... dang groundhog day. He always thinks it's going to be a longer winter. Cuz he's a jerky little groundhog.

Groundhog Day makes me want to watch the movie. Dad and I used to watch it a lot.

I've come to realize that I need to be nicer to my dad and appreciate him a lot more... just cuz I never know what's going to happen... either to him or me. He was just... like he's still not really dealing with my cousin's death very well, I don't think. He got to read her eulogy, like he did for her brother 13 years ago, and he sent it to me. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever read. I just hope he never has to do that for me...

Death is crappy.

My mom misses me. :P It's cute. I miss her too though... and Casey, the puppy. We have a cat, sure, he's kinda cute... but he's no Casey. Casey doesn't bite and scratch me. :P

Anyway, I have to get back to writing. It's due on Tuesday. I have so much shit to do it's not even remotely funny. Fuck.

RIP Rachael...

2008-01-23T14:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the worst day I've had in a while. I didn't go to psych in the morning 'cause I have a cold and just... didn't feel like goin. :P Then I had a dentist appointment which wasn't so bad... my wisdom teeth are slowly poking their way through... kind of. But yeah. Later when Jordan got home he informed me that Heath Ledger died. I thought he was lying. :P Sadly, he was not. So I was like... kind of in shock... I thought that was bad, but an hour later after I sat down in my english class... I noticed dad had phoned my cell phone. He left me a message.

My cousin Rachael died on Sunday. I'm very upset about this. Somehow I managed to sit three hours through my night class without getting too upset. I did cry at first, but then I was okay. But yeah... I phoned my dad today while we were both at work from my car and I started crying... she was 27. She had been sick for a long time, but no one ever really told me just how sick she was. Her funeral's tomorrow and I can't go because I have class and work and I feel terrible about it. But dad said that there will be something in the summer for us cousins... we have a lot of cousins. :P But I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore and she's (maybe... still not sure if I believe, but I need to believe in something) finally with her brother again. I miss them both. And I want to comfort my aunt and uncle, but I dunno what to do. Dad's going to her funeral tomorrow. It's in Edmonton, so he and Monica are leaving tonight. It's just... no fun when you get that kind of news, you know? Especially when she was like the nicest person in the world. And still really young... of course, this made me think about Shawna, but... she can't have all my tears anymore I guess. Though I did have a dream about her on the weekend and we were talking like nothing ever happened... well... she was still dead, just visiting me. It was kinda neat... and weird. Anyway, sorry I haven't update in a while. I'll try to do that more. Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh.

Happy New Year Everybody!!!!!

2007-12-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

We gots a kitty and he's cute.

:)

Here's some pics, finally, as promised.

Life in the new house

2007-12-17T20:01:00.000-08:00

Whew. All moved in. For the most part. :P

I'm so happy! This is awesome... I love it. I love Jordan... and my new house! Right, I said I'd take a picture. I will. We need a mailbox still... :P... heh... you don't even notice the house doesn't have one 'til you're moved in... and you're like.. dang... yeah. Funny. Meh. But yeah... computer's all set up, so that's all I'm worried about. :P

My dad got us a table and uh... his description of it was way off. We'll just leave it at that.

:P

Of course it's nice to have a table that we didn't have to pay for... don't get me wrong, I'm totally grateful, I just... I dunno.

Annnyyyyway... almost bed time... sigh... life is just so pointless when you think about it, but now we'll have something to show for it. Yay house! :D HEheheheehe. I'm really quite happy living with Jordan and in this house. I love it, actually. A lot. :)

two weeks!

2007-12-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

In two weeks, I will be living in my brand new house. ... Our brand new house. :P Really need to get used to saying that, I guess. So yep. Yay, debt!

It's gorgeous. Don't worry, I'll post pictures when we get in there. :P

I know I haven't updated a lot... sorry... just had a lot of things going on I guess. Classes are hard... and finals have come... my first is on Wednesday. Blah. Shouldn't be that bad though, it's anthropology. But yeah! Umm...

Apparently Jordan's friend from Toronto is going to be moving here in january and he will be living with us... joy of joys... but I understand the financial help would be great... leaving us more money for the house and bills and whatever... food? :P It'll just be... interesting. Of course, Jordan asked me if I was okay with it... like two months ago. It was brought up again on Monday and... well... insults from my mouth flew like there was no tomorrow cuz I can't argue civilly. :P But anyway... what's done is done and he'll be living with us... for how long is unclear... Jordan wants him to live with us forever, but I really doubt he'll be able to stand us for that long. :P Especially me... but yeah. So... hmm. At least two months, I'd say. :P Haha. I kind of doubt he'll be able to stand the cold too so... yeah. Not that I don't like him, he's really nice... but... well... he's a lot like Jordan... and well... I love one, two is really hard to take... :P... you know? Luckily... I'll have my own office, so I can retreat. And whatever. So... hopefully that plan won't change cuz i'm looking forward to doing whatever I want with it... you know? :P... we won't have a guest bedroom apparently though then... because, well, it'll be Mike's. We'll just wait it out and see how it goes though, right? It'll be fine. He's nice... and hopefully not... um... too attached to being around the house a lot. :P... cough.

I'm scared, of course, but it'll be fine. I hope.

Of course it will be.... "I can't ever see breaking up with you, Katy, and I don't want to." Or something like that. He's just... really great... Jordan is... :P I'm excited about the house... not so much the roommate, but we'll see how it goes. You know, the roommate I'm not going to marry one day.

house

2007-11-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

I wrote my dad an email last night telling him Jordan and I found a house.

And I was scared cuz he hadn't answered all day.

But he just did.

And I don't give him enough credit...

He's really understanding. Jordan was right. my mom's way scarier than my dad. I just didn't want to disappoint either of them... especially my dad. Daddy's little girl and all. Whatever.

He's happy for me. Yay. :)

And I'm crying because I just... I dunno, I really don't give him any credit at all... I've got to keep this one in mind. He's a good guy. :P

I'm a jerk, but I'm not going to be anymore.

2007-11-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

We've looked at many, many houses. Mom had a problem with all of them. Except this one that we're going to put an offer on tonight. It's brand new, that's why she likes it. And near her. :P Another reason... but whatever! It's gorgeous.

Fingers crossed that they accept it!

Haus.

2007-10-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

Buying a house is such a huge fucking commitment. I really hope this is what I want. We don't have the money yet, but I know that I love him and I know I want kids with him... so... yeah, I'm pretty fucking sure it is what I want. Of course, I don't want kids 'til I'm done school and I hope it works out that way. :P

I'm just always scared that ... well, that he'll start to hate me. I don't know why he would, because I'm awesome... but like, I think I don't take certain things seriously enough for him. I don't know.

I love him.

I do.

life.

2007-10-28T17:45:00.001-07:00

We've been looking at houses. The past two weekends.

I only loved one. It's still for sale.

Mom and I are going to see about mortgages Tuesday.

I hope it's still for sale then, cuz we're totally going to put an offer on it, even though mom's not too keen on it. Mostly cuz of the tree roots that cause issues with water pipes or something. Meh? It's beautiful though.

Jordan really liked the one we saw today.

I was snoopy and noticed it belongs to my old burger king boss. :P I laughed and was very scared. Because... I don't want to know what she lives like. But yeah. Needless to say, I didn't like it. Not just because of that fact - because that shouldn't matter - but I thought it was just... I don't know. The rooms were all too small and it was set up weird. We saw one yesterday that was also set up weird. Like crappy weird. No living room. It sucked. :P But yeah, so that's what's up. Also, I failed my bio midterm, but passed anthro and psych. Nice. With you know... marks in the 60s. Not bad. Not good, but not bad. :P

midterm rant.

2007-10-17T21:08:00.001-07:00

I finally found my new poppy sappy song for the next few months. :P

Best Days by Matt White.

Yep. I can't seem to stop listening to it. Whatever.

I wrote my last midterm tonight.

My brain hurts so much. Is it possible I haven't had to know so much in such a long time that it's painful to remember things now? :P

It's probably just dehydration. I really do need to drink more water.

All my midterms sucked, I have no idea if I passed any of them.

Eek.

But I really don't care. I had so much fun in Edmonton, I want to live there. I'm sure I could find a graphic design job there... a good one... the wouldn't hire me for just two weeks and then be like, k, you're done. Jerks.

Well... I'm not sure, but I'd have a way better chance of finding one. Who needs more education? BLAH.

...I've been sort of depressed as of late. I'm assuming because of midterms. But there's been a couple weird incidents at school... notes of a threatening nature being left around. Well, two. Lately I've just been hoping something would actually happen so I don't have to go.

That is so terrible, and I feel awful about it, but really... university sucks. School sucks. I should just go to bed now since I'm not watching Criminal Minds anymore because Mandy Patinkin is no longer in it. Sigh. :P

Pushing Daisies is so awesome. I watched that tonight. Gawd, I love that show. :) Hehe.

Well... you know...

I should just go to bed now. Or read some more harry potter. Nope, I'm still not done it. :P I suck. Or I could start reading for my next essay... but... meh. I hate all my classes. Indeed I do.

Every time I look at you, you always look so beautiful.

Writing that lyric made me want to listen to Every time by Britney Spears. I used to listen to that with mandy while we drove around and I'd replace baby with pecan. Cuz that's what I called her for some reason. I thought it was funny, I guess. Cuz it was/is. Yeah.

Mandy asked me to make a shadow box of her wedding, which is apparently occurring in late summer of '09. I said of course. :)... cuz she commented me before she asked... something like, since you're so awesome and all, and good at crafts and things...

haha. She's great. And going to help me with bio tomorrow. Bless her! I don't get it... I get it a bit, but not enough. You know? Yeah, you know.

birthday weekend so far...

2007-10-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

So my birthday was yesterday. Yeah, I'm 21 now. CRAZY! :p

Anyway... en route to Edmonton, Jordan hands me my birthday card. Aww.

I cried while I was reading it. I cried for a while after too... happy tears... not sad. It was the sweetest card I've ever received... the first card I've gotten from a boyfriend. :P So I cried. He really does love me a lot. It's so nice. Because I love him just as much.

We tell each other we love one another all the time, but it's just... I dunno, when I read the card and he wrote it at the bottom... it just meant a whole lot more, you know? I guess he probably needs that once in a while too. I didn't get him a bday card... oh well.

But yeah. He also gave me 3 DS games... :P... and... x-files season 2 and he bought me Zodiac today. Yay. :P

I have midterms this week. Ha. I picked the most perfect weekend to go away. Oh well. We went shopping a lot today and it was really fun.

I'm totally addicted to Swiss Chalet now which is a shame because there are NONE in Saskatchewan. Yeah. I know. They put crack in that chalet sauce, I swear!

Anyway, I think I might get ready for bed now... it's been a long day. Edmonton is fun. Hehe. We`re leaving tomorrow though... bah. So yeah... g'night.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater...

2007-09-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well... Jordan and I had yet another fight about social gatherings and... he's not coming out for dinner the day before my birthday with me, mandy and ian (which is kinda what I wanted... just cuz... I don't know. For some reason mandy and jordan seem to hate each other even though they don't know one another). I won't make them hang out 'til I live with him, I guess. :P Cuz... it'll be my house too and he won't have a choice. Whatever. She doesn't have to like him nor vice versa. They're not going out. I love him and that's what matters... and he loves me too. He told me about fifty times this evening. I'm not totally sure why that was... I guess he just does. I find myself reading his old blog posts that praise me. :P They're so nice and I'm just reminded (when I'm pissed off at him) how much I love him... how sweet he normally is. Whatever.

:P

But since he's not coming out to dinner, I'm not going to his work friend's barbecue. I'm so painfully agoraphobic lately. I don't know what it is... I just... can't get myself to go. I don't want to go. I'm so terrified of social situations and I really need to work on it. Badly. Like... I'm okay in forced situations, like school... but not on a voluntary basis like a barbecue. :P Know what I mean?

We're not discussing the issues anymore. If he ever tries to make me go to his other friend's house though for supper, I'm not going there either, cuz birthdays are big with me. And if he wants to be an ass, he can. So can I. And I will be. I already am. But we are going to Edmonton on my birthday... so it's not like he's being a total ass... or like we're not doing anything to celebrate it.. We're going shopping. :) I can't wait.

I can't wait 'til Sunday. I love when PostSecret is updated. I just love it so much. It's the best part of my day. :P I know that's kind of creepy, but... it really is. It's hard to think of a secret to send though. One that you wouldn't mind everyone seeing. But that's the glory that is postsecret. Indeed.

I'm working on a brochure for my mom. It's okay... I guess. :P

She's not paying me or anything, but I may get a printer for my birthday. A laser one. Colour. OH GAWD, YES. :P That would be so delicious. Cough.

So yeah, I'm going to work on that now. I guess.

bleh.

2007-09-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Stupid iPod nano commercial with their incessant Feist and her lovely tune. :P

So... I told Mandy that Jordan wants to buy a house... well.. that we want to buy a house perhaps in January. And she told wesley, apparently. :P But yeah... we do. I did tell my mother I want to live with him, but not necessarily that I want to purchase a house with the man. I kinda wanna wait 'til we've been together a year, you know? To tell her. Cuz she made a huge stink about how I shouldn't move in with someone I met off the internet. :P That was more than 9 months ago, guys. Can you believe it? Seriously... :P That's such a long time. Ah! :P But yes, I do want to buy a house with him. I just don't want to be in debt. I hate the real world. :P

Gawd, I really don't want to work tomorrow. I just don't. Really. Sigh.

But yeah.... ummm... hmm.

That sucks that they don't have any night classes for bio next term. BLAH. Really sucks. Like, totally.

My gawd... it's less than a month and I'll be effin' 21. That's nuts. I told Jordan he could get me a new purse, since he seems to think i need a new one. He's quite the material possesion-ish man. It's a little odd, but I kinda like it, cuz I'm pretty much the same way... but more with movies... well... not so much that anymore. I noticed the other day that I have quite a few shoes. :P But he's good 'cuz he's making me do my homework and stuff... and I need that. Bad. I'm such a slacker. I had a nap both Sat and Sun after I finished reading a few chapters for anthropology. Gawd, that class is kinda dumb and bullshitty. Ridiculous, even. But the book's pretty good. Quite interesting. A lot of the people that live in Canar are my height. :P And they eat guinea pigs and seem to like their potatoes. Cuz they can't grow much there? I guess... it's like.. .in the Andes of Ecuador. Yeah, neat book.

I am so not looking forward to this essay that I have to write. Starting tomorrow. Cuz tonight, I'm just chillin. :P

Fuck that.

2007-09-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like the biggest fucking tard right now. I mean... and I don't really know why. Well, I do, but it's not entirely my fault. Okay, it is.

I got my first parking ticket ever! That's exciting, isn't it? It's cuz I can't read! And I'm trying to succeed in university, am i? ReallY? Well... stupid mother, telling me to drive instead of take the bus. PSH. Bitch. Whatever. I'm just not going to listen to her anymore.

Anthro doesn't seem hard... it seems like a lot of work and thinking and shit. I think I might hate it. This may have been a very bad decision at this point in my life. I don't want to go to school. :P

And I'm freaking out 'cause I can't find the power poitns... which everyone else had... what the hell. Whatever. ARGH. I could email my teacher, but I don't want to.

I'm just having a very bad night. And I think tomorrow is going to be the longest day of my life.

I'm so pissed off. And I'm mad that ... I don't know. that Jordan's phone isn't working like it's supposed to. YOu know, where it lets him answer and goes through and stuff. Whatever. I hate that fucking fido messaging centre.

I'm tired.

AHhhhhhhhh... could you call me a wahmbulance, please?

2007-09-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

I'm quite impressed with Jack Johnson's version of Imagine. I guess it's kind of a hard song to wreck too... although I'm sure Avril did, but i'm too scared to listen to it. :P

Anyway...

I have my first ever "university" class tonight. Well... it is a university class, so maybe I shouldn't have put those quotey things there... I mean... it's not like I haven't taken any post-secondary... not that there's something wrong with not taking any... I just... it's been over a year since i did... and ... I dunno, I'm just nervous. Been a while since I sat in a room with other people who didn't already know everything. :P

I guess?

I'm terrified. I hope they don't make me talk or anything. that'd be so freakin dumb... ask you how your summer was or something... like... that's what youdo in high school. I keep thinking it's going to be different. But I went there yesterday to get my student card and everyone still looked like the jerks i went to high school with. :P

Oh well. I don't have to talk to them. Unless of course there's a group project in one of my three classes... but Mandy's in bio with me, so obviously i'm partnering with her cuz she's, you know, my friend. And I know her. And know she's kinda good at that kind of crap. :P

Anyway...........

Yeah, nervous. And then I get to leave work tomorrow morning at 1030 for class at 1130... and then I get to go back to work! Yes! :P Thursdays and Tuesdays are going to suck so much. Oh well. That class is in a huge auditorium, so maybe it won't be that bad. Unless there's a lot of kids... which I'm going to assume there will be. Sigh.

Nervous. Kind of. But wow, this song is so good.

I like it a lot.

I'm going to go find some paper and a clip board. Amy suggested that technique, cuz binders ain't cool... I think i'll just kinda take my laptop too, but I dunno. it's already in my backpack... I'm driving to school this evening, cuz I don't think it'll last too long...

Wah.

Oh deary me

2007-08-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not fired. Which is good. My hours will be the ones I suggested to her. Awesome.

I bought most of my books for my classes. They're big. Especially bio. Sigh. But Mandy's in my class, so hopefully it won't be that bad.

Jordan and I are moving in together in January if everything works out and whatnot. Into a house. We're gonna get a house! :P Probably!

Hmm, what else? Oh, Mandy and I went wandering around campus today to find my classes. She's in her second year there. She knows it all. :P My guide. Heh.

I have to pay for my car insurance. And registration... not the same thing are they? Ha.

I have to start cleaning up after myself more... keeping things tidy. I will convince my mother I'm an adult now and am able to move out. cuz I want to. In January.

She's somewhat accepting of January because Jordan and I will have been going out for a year then. :P As she says... You met him on the internet! Mom... that doesn't mean anything. People who go on the internet are people too. They're not all creepy and wrong. Gawd. I mean... I go on there. :P

And how does she know that's where I met him? Has my brother been talking or is she more aware than I thought? :P

Anyway... that's about it. Good newsish all around. La†er. ††††††† ha.

Will katy be jobless soon? Stay tuned!

2007-08-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ooookay. Well... I think I might be getting fired, cuz I'm going back to school. That sucks, hey?

It's just... they posted the job again on the site I usually check for jobs... and... well... it says they have two openings due to students returning to university in the fall. Well... they most likely will not find someone as fast as me... and like... it's not like I didn't try to schedule my classes around work, which is totally the wrong way to go about it, apparently. This sucks.

Whatever though. I guess I can just go find some crappy job... that sucks.

FUCKER.

Seriously, I hate looking for jobs. And like... you coulda told me you were just going to do this instead of making me wait two weeks wondering... fuck that. I should just quit if they're not firing me.

This is ridiculous.

Whatever though.

I think I'll probably email her, if there isn't something waiting for me when I get there. Psh. I deserve answers, you know? It's not like I haven't worked hard... it's not like my presence won't be missed there. I'm sure it will. She probably just wants to see if anyone applies. At all. Whatever.

They did that once before, and I don't think anyone responded.

Anyway, I suppose I will update again when I know what's going on. I don't wanna go work at Tim Horton's. that would suck so bad. SO BAD.

Wonder if Bentley would be hiring... or... anywhere in Market Mall.. hmm...

Anyway... whatever.

I'm pissed. And will be having to deal with a bit of confrontation tomorrow, by the end of it if not sooner. I think I'll wait til they come to me. Unless it's 130 and they haven't said anything. Hm.

Whatever. I'm now looking at other options. Bitches. FUCK. :P

They're the nicest kids in town.

2007-08-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

Jordan's back! Hehe. He got back last night. I missed him.

He got me socks cuz I told him to. :P They're cute. Kinda big... but cute. My feet seem to be shrinking. I swear they used to be like a six and a half and now they're five and a half. It's weird. Maybe my shoes were just wacky. I dunno.

I bought high heels. They make me tall. :P went with Mandy looking for em. They suit me well, she said. :P Which is awesome.

I also saw a headband while we were out... ten bucks though... and I was like... are they actually back?... not that I care... but I might have to go buy it cuz it was green and really pretty and looked great on my round head. Hehe. :P It did, really. I love green. :P Anyway....

So yeah. I'm clearly learning to like being a girl, I guess. Weird. Maybe next year... dresses. Ooo. It's basically fall now, so it's way too cold. :P Plus, I don't think I'm ready for that. Hahahaha. :P Blah.

Jordan said his mom demanded that I go with him there at xmas. I've been thinking about that all day and how I reacted. I was like, she probably didn't say that at all. She was like ah, I don't care. Just another girlfriend... blah... or something. I do want to meet her though... I guess... she'd probably like me. Maybe. I'm nice.

Whatever. :P We'll see if I actually go. :P

School's gonna be such a huge bitch. Shit, I should really pick me term 2 classes. Crap. And go buy my books. Damn it. UGH! I don't know how this all works. :P Scared.

She's got the coolest hair!

2007-08-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

Mom and I went to see Hairspray last night. That was my third time going while it's in the theatre. I think I like it... Hahahaha. fuck, it's so great. :P

I can't wait til it comes out on dvd, cuz I'm gonna watch it like all the fucking time, yo. Woot! :P

Jordan's gone now... so he doesn't know I've seen it three times... he left wednesday night. Not back til monday. Sent me a text message saying he bought me lots of stuff. Hehe. Awesome. :P He's great... I think he's having fun. Which is good. Very good. Yes.

So yeah. Just thought I'd mention I love Hairspray... and the soundtrack... and it's been way too long since I've been obsessed with a movie... :P

Oh and apparently, I won the tumbleweed worlds last weekend. Me and dad. Except I only sailed one of hte two days. Whatevs. I gets a medal. :P Oy. Might go to the lake tomorrow, but it seems like it might rain all weekend.. .meh.

Round 6

2007-08-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading my February entries just now, cuz apparently they were very popular... :P... or something... I dunno. Stats. Weird things. Anyway!...

I read a part where it was like... something about me knowing that Jordan loves me more than I love him or something... and I'm like ha. Wow. How different we feel now, eh? Obviously, I've grown far more attached to this man than I ever thought I would be. It's kinda great. I think we love each other about the same... I don't think he ever thinks that I'm going to cheat on him though... when I got to Toronto...

It's awful, I know... that I think that. But like... well... He has a friend named Katy out there... yeah... same as mine... same age as me too. And they went out a long time ago. When she was like 16. Ew. He didn't know how old she was when he asked her out... so he says... but yeah. I dunno. They're always sending pictures of each other... well... okay, probably not always. He just decided to casually mention, as he pointed out a shirt (which I thought looked like a toddler's... HUGE buttons...) and he was like.. what do you think of this? And I was like it looks like a toddler's. It's got huge buttons. And he was like, Katy wears those. They look really good. She sent me a picture.

And I was like grr. :P

But whatever. I know that he would never though. I mean... she's in a relationship too, they just like each other, I guess. :P Friends and all.

So yeah... I'm just not going to think about anything while he's gone. I will keep myself very busy... hopefully.

I told my boss I'm going back to school, and they're going to see if they can accommodate my hours, or if they're going to try and find someone else to be full-time. I hope they figure something out where I can stay. I mean, it's not like I didn't try to get all night classes... I really did. there was nothing I wanted. :P I need a third class! :P Stupid psych. Blah... oh well. I still live with mother, so it's not like I actually need money... but gawd, it'd be nice.

I can hear the bells

2007-08-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

I saw Hairspray for the second time this evening. Man, I need that soundtrack. :P

I just love it.

Went with Mandy. She loved it too. Yeah. :)

But yeah... I'm going to buy it sometime... possibly tomorrow, but I dunno. :P

I gotta stop buying so much shit. Oh well.

I'm nervous for school. :S I told that to Jordan last night and he was like aw, you'll be fine. I'll help you... then I glared a little... :P and he was like... but you won't need it. :P

Aw. Yeah... t'was eight months yesterday. Crazy, eh?

Totally. He's going to Toronto for a few days next week. Coolness. :P I guess... I'll probably miss him... meh. Time for bed. I'm so sleepy.

Oh Wednesdays...

2007-08-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

I just downloaded like... the second country song I've ever downloaded. :P

I heard it today after I logged some news.

Lot of the stations here are country... apparently... :P

But it's good. I like it anyway... it's Michelle Branch and some other girl... formed a group... weird. I was surprised when I found that out... but yeah. I like it. Called Tennessee... by the wreckers.

Meh.

I think I just haven't heard enough country iin the past... 8... years... :P

I like it, I can't help it. I'm from Saskatchewan. :P

I've been seeing a lot of movies with Jessica. We saw Hairspray on Saturday and then last night we went to see Knocked Up. She liked it... I thought it was "okay." Scared me though. :P And I was like... sheesh... never. :P

I'm nervous for school to start.

Like, real nervous. Like... terribly nervous. Oh well...

My dad still doesn't know I'm going. Ha. Yeah, that's how often I talk to him... and about me... and actual facts of what's going on... perhaps I should tell him?... meh.

I also got another Jann Arden son... at seventeen... which kept playing before those movies we saw. Yeah. It's pretty... She's great.

I need to start walking more or something. Or eating less. Cuz I'm gaining ewight again. Which sucks. Bah! Pff.

I feel totally uninspired lately... it kinda sucks. But whatever, yo. I really need to phone my stepmom tomorrow... if I'm not doing anything... sigh. I feel so bad, it's been so long... gah. :S She's gonna be mad at me... except probably not... ah well.

Holy shit, rant much?

2007-07-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

This morning, Jordan was like oh, there's an update for my ps3... and he was like... oh, Katy, guess what it does now? And I'm like what? And he's like, it bends space and time. That's right. It's a time machine.

And I was like oh... can it take me back two and a half years?

And he was like why?

And I'm like... can you also make it take me to New Brunswick?

And he's like oh...

And I'm like I had a dream about her the other night... her mother got stabbed in her bed and shawna was still alive.

And he's like did you cry?

And I was like I was just confused. I was all... I thought you were dead, but now you're not and your mom is?

And then I started crying a little, cuz I said it like it wasn't a big deal. But it actually is and I didn't realize it til then. I miss her so much. It really, really sucks.

Jordan's going to toronto in like 3 weeks for a few days to see his family. Good for him. I don't know if he's going to make me go at xmas. I sort of want to go, but I'd rather go when gift giving isn't involved. Yeah...

But yeah. I really need to phone my stepmom. I miss her. I miss my sister too. I can't believe she's still harassing me in dreams. And crying on my shoulder and freaking out at me. It's so weird. And I miss giving her hugs. And... I dunno. Sometimes I really hate how life just goes on, you know? I mean... it's bullshit.

Oh, and I bought a burberry watch. Yep. Spent about 200 on it, which is cheap when compared to the ones on their site. :P And it's nice. And I'm happy with it.

But yeah. I really want life to just stop moving so fast and just.... flying by me, you know? I dunno... it's dumb. :P It was nice seeing her again... even though it was over such horrible, awful, incomprehensible circumstances. Stabbed. Blood everywhere. I'm surprised I didn't throw up... oh, no wait. I did. In real life. Mostly over my horrible, painful cramps though. I mean... cramps shouldn't make you throw up. I don't think... my stomch just gets so ... I dunno. I'm hoping since my weight is almost back to where it was when I met Jordan that it won't hurt anymore like before. That was a nice two months. :P Yeah...

But yes. I found my stepsister on facebook... that was weird... added her as a friend when I found her. :P We sort of talk... we never really did talk though... so that's what makes this kind of weird now. Like... she's my only "sister" now, though I'm not sure I ever really ... considered her one. Awful, I know. And she is like 6 years older than me... possibly 7. But she's funny... I guess... I really don't really know her. It's sad. I should go out there sometime. Probably next year... sigh. :P But yes. I need to get a hold of my stepmom. Just to talk. And tell her that I might have to start seeing someone about shawna... cuz shit, when I think about it now, it just makes me bawl, and I can't control it. Like now... :P Ridiculous. I hate summer. A lot.

But yeah. I think it would be good for me, but I don't really enjoy talking about it... obviously. It's just... like... I can't keep freaking out once or twice a month about it. Whenever I have a dream or ... well... whatever. I probably won't see anyone.

I think I'm going to get Jordan a watch for xmas. He says it's because I want him to stop wearing the $3000 one jess gave him... that's a bit of the reason. But really, I just... think it's old and I want him to wear something that I get him. I mean, I wore that ring for... 6 months?... but now I can't cuz it clashes with my watch. Yeah... the watch is that shiny. :P And it feels weird on my other hand. So yeah. I like it though.

Gawd, this was long. Sorry. Just... letting it out I guess.

But yeah... um... I'm done crying now, so that's good. I'm only like 3 chapters into harry potter. I had to finish the one before first... so yeah. And I cried and cried at that... that was even more ridiculous. :P I miss Dumbledore. :( Oh well.

and I totally got a 5 dollar off coupon on amazon, so I might order another book. But I don't know which one. I was thinking about getting the history of love... cuz Jaimie made it sound so interesting and cryey and stuff. :P I kind of like that in a book. But we'll see. K, I'm done now.

A tale of many things.

2007-07-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

Yay, this is gonna be a good week.

I might by a burberry watch at Costco when I get paid from that job I didn't get paid for, but he sent the money so he wouldn't get sued. :P Awesome.

Cuz they're like totally expensive. Yeah...

But yeah... it'll be a good week cuz tomorrow I'm hanging out with Mandy and possible Jessica... and then Wednesday probably hanging out with jordan... and then on thursday I'm going over to Amy's for a bit and we're gonna watch a couple episodes of Undeclared. Cuz it kicks so much ass and we just rediscovered it. :P But yeah... we had a good chat... about how I can talk to her if anything's ever wrong... and i was like aw, thanks. And I told her she could do the same. And she told me how a while ago she was freaking out that she could be pregnant... but she's not so it's all good.

I was gonna tell her how I was joking around with Jordan on msn one day... the day i found out they were gonna send me my money... and I was like I got good news today.
and he's like what? And I"m like I'm pregnant. :P And he was like are you serious? And I'm like no... and he's like... okay... and I was like, except yeah... :P And he was like what? Stop it.

Like he believed me for two seconds. And he later told me that he told his friend he was kinda happy about it... just a little though. And his friend was like yeah? Why? And he's like cuz I have a good job, great girlfriend... etc. :P And I was like... there is no chance in hell if i were pregnant that I would keep it. No way. I'm not ready. Plus I'm too responsible to ever let that happen in the first place.

So yeah. Not htat I'd tell her that part. But yeah... I fuckin love that show and I'm so looking forward to Thursday.

Oh and I was talking to wesley and how jessica and I (and mandy if she comes) might go to Cranberry flats tomorrow... and he was like you should if she wants you to... cuz she's worried you don't get out enough. :P And I laughed and laughed... and I'm like... I get out... with my boyfriend. I don't stroll the bar scene. Cuz I'm not like that. I don't enjoy going to bars... I know I should go out once in a while though... it's just... I dunno... whatever. :P

Jordan and I went to Costco afte rhe got off work... oh my mother got herself and me a membership yesterday. And i saw Kevin there... 'member Kevin? I sure do. :P But yeah, he was there... he had harry potter in his cart. I couldn't find it at the two stores I went to and ordered it off amazon. Day after walked into walmart... loads of em. Then went to costco... even more loads for even cheaper. :P I was pissed.

But yeah. Had an awkward little chat there where he didn't say much and I sort of rambled... but whatever. :P And that's about it.

It felt like 43 degrees Celsius here today. No idea what that is in Fahrenheit. Something hot. Really hot. Gross hot. Yeah. that's it.

Amy wants to meet jordan and I'm not sure when that's going to happen... :P probably at the fringe... maybe... if he wants to go at all... i dunno.

He's gon' be 26... and my weekend.

2007-07-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's Jordan's birthday tomorrow. I'm taking him out for supper. Yep.

26. Oh goodness. :P

Heh.

He might be getting a kitten this week... he gets his bonus cheque. So yeah. Maybe a kitty! hehe.

Um... gawd, I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It's so hot lately. I hate summer.

but yeah. That's about it.

I guess.

Went up to the lake yesterday, but it was ... disappointing so we came back.

Yeppers. That's it.

The watches I want... or just really like.

2007-07-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Negative/Positive Display: Black Gem

Boyfriend

Candy - Multi

Brown Geometric

Grey Geometric

East/West

Twist - Black Dial

Twist - Pink Mother of Pearl Dial

And I'm sure there are more... so expensive. :P But... watches :(. Mmmm. Pretty.

WATCHES!

2007-07-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

So, today i was writing this transcript... and something about fossil fuels... oh right, SaskPower is trying to figure out what the source of our future electricity will be... anyway. Fossil. And I started thinking... hey... I need a new watch. A fossil watch would be awesome. So I went to the site and kept looking at it whenever i had a minute. They're so nice. I've found like ... a lot I want. :P They come in tins though! That's a selling feature to me. I enjoy tins... though I do nothing with them... but I mean, if i did get so many, I'd need to keep the watches in them. I get it. :P

So yeah. I don't recommend going to that site unless you want to waste two hours... or less... the thing is, I'm obsessed with clocks, and since I have too many, some would say, I'm looking at the smaller scale. :P I guess. Watches. Plus, I'm kind of sick of my fifteen dollar cheapass one. :P

It works... but it's still awful.

I bought some new clothes on the weekend. Two skirts I just love! And next Monday is Jordan's birthday and I'm taking him out for supper... so yeah. I'm going to wear one. And he'll adore it. And so will I. I have no idea where I'm taking him or where we're going. Probably the... ooo... the cave? I've never been there. But probably Moxie's... meh. :P

But yeah. watches are neato.

the site is fossil.com and I keep getting the urge to go back, but I've already looked at everything. Weird. They're nice though... I'm gonna go copy the pictures of the ones I like and post them. :P Haha. Nothing better to do... so ... yeah. Get ready for that. :P

updation

2007-07-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much dying cuz they haven't update postsecret yet. IT'S WEDNESDAY! :P...

Anyway... work is so awful lately cuz it's the same fucking news story all damn day. SAHO. Strike. Pah.

So I need to register for classes sometime, but there's so many I don't know what to choose. It sucks. And I clearly didn't think this through. Cuz now I'm thinking I want to be a physiotherapist, but like... I need a BA in something first... but what, eh? I don't know. English maybe? Maybe. I know I want to take an english... if that's any... help... which it isn't really. Sigh. I need a book of all the classes and what they are. yeah. They supposedly have them somewhere on campus and I could ask someone... but meh. Maybe tomorrow... or Friday.

Alanis Morissette singing my humps is just.. my favourite song right now. :P I love her.

We were gonna go see transformers last night, but of course, it was all sold out. So we didn't. Maybe this weekend. But I wanna go up to the lake sometime. Just for a sail. Jordan doesn't sail. Yeah, we're still together. :P almost 7 months. Weird.

His birthday is coming up. He's so old. :P And... I'm not getting him anything really... I'm just taking him out for supper. Hey, I already bought him a ps3. :P Half a ps3...

Meh. He's such a lucky bastard to have me. And he doesn't say that anymore. ... he should.

It sucks when the beginning happiness wears off. They say such nice things then... hmm.

Oh well. Fuck. 26 though? Really? Geez. Old man. :P Oh well. He hardly acts that age though. So it's all cool. I guess. Sometimes. It does bother me a bit... apparently. He says the age difference bothers him too. So like.. it's normal.

but it isn't normal to talk about your exes (still) all the time is it? Well... okay, it's not all the time. It's just whenever that stupid Shick commercial comes on and he's like.. .I hate this commercial. and I was like why? And he's like.. .well... you know, that happened to lindsay once. Slipped on it... burns... you wouldn't just get up from that.

And I'm like... holy christ. Who gives a shit. It's a commercial. But whatever. He loved her. I get that. But she's dead. Been dead for quite some time. Killed her dumb self. Moron. I'd never leave him like that... I just think that I love him more than he loves me sometimes. Which I don't find very appropriate. :P Why? Because... I'm awesome and people are supposed to love me. A lot. But oh well. He did say that he never wants to get rid of me the other night, and I kinda... was like... oh reallY? Don't want to get RID of me? Well, gee, that's awful nice of you. You know. Like a bitch. :P But seriously... he coulda said it better. Like... I wanna be with you forever or something cheesy like that. Sigh.

I haven't updated in forever, have I? Geez. I suck. :P Well... there ya go. This one was big.

key points:

postsecret - I'm dying

work sucks

need to register for classes but don't know which

My Humps by Alanis is great

didn't see Transformers

ranting about Jordan's birthday and his behavior :P

I need to update more.

nothing.

2007-06-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Well... I've been thinking too much about what school's going to be like. I'm kind scared. :P

Whatever. Very much so, actually.

Eep.

And like... I dunno... I think the next time I apply for a job, I need to change my cover letter. I applied for two graphic designer jobs and neither of them emailed back. Whatever dudes. It might be that I have almost no experience too... but still. One of htem was a fucking typesetter. But we had bad luck in that department didn't we? ... yes. Yes, we did.

Anyway.

I don't know what to do about life anymore. I have no direction. :P

It's kinda crappy... and I still ahven't called heather, who I've been meaning to call, but did email her my cell number, so if she had time... she could phone me. I just get so caught up in whatever's going on in that moment, you know? Or I'm playing my wii. Or I'm on the computer swimming in my old drawings which I forgot about, but now realize are like... actually pretty good. Like the pony one. It's now my desktop. :P

So yeah. I don't know. I've been updating the sailing site sort of... well... I did. So that was good that it finally decided to connect me... sheesh.

Yep... I just know that I don't want to be at the job I'm at for you know,... very long. I'm talking over a year. Probably will be, cuz it's pretty good for... being there and... good hours and stuff. I guess. I think I'm going to sign up for night classes... mostly. Probably only like 3 classes... dunno if I can pick just 3 though. I still don't know if I'm even in. :P I was conditionally admitted, but like... they should have got my marks by now.

Oh well. I need to stop worrying about it. I'm just... nervous. Cuz I want you know... a real job at some point in my life. One that's going to stick and I get paid more than I do now. Blah. Whatever.

That's what I need to listen to. Some Our Lady Peace. Yeah. That'd rock.

Saturday daze.

2007-06-17T09:09:00.001-07:00

I dunno why I keep going to Futureshop all the time... but I do. And I'm so extremely glad I went yesterday, cuz they had a canon digital camera there for 100 bucks. Yeah. I know. that thing is usually like 320 some or something.

So yeah.... I got a new camera and I'm happy. I also purchased season one of House for my mother for her... birthday. Which was like... 2 weeks ago. But whatever. I had gotten her candy... but then decided I was being too cheap. :P Cuz I was.

Um... oh. I was totally playing mario party 8 last night... to you know... give it another chance and discovered it's actually kind of really fun. :P I like it.

In all... I absolutely need to stop buying things. Cuz yeah. It's... starting again. the obsessive shopping. It's not cool.

Saturday morning.

2007-06-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

Oookay... well. Hm.

Oh yay. Nevermind. Apparently I'm going thrift store shopping. My favourite activity. Joy! :P

Holy Shiza... mother. Oh goodness... walking around super fast... whatevs. Apparently she's got works to ddo... ohhh... maybe it's about that fucking 'will they, won't they strike thing' I've been hearing so much about. Probably. Silly people... except not.

Um... what else. Oh. Everyday on my way home from work, I drive by this tattoo place... and I always get the urge while sitting in traffic that I should just go in there and get it. :P Socks. On my leg. Yeah.

I keeping thinking I see Shawna everywhere... it's not good... heh. Especially cuz I'm like staring at these native girls who look almost nothing like her. I miss her. :P

I should really phone val sometime.

and tell her what's happening... that I"m not going to Toronto... but I wanna see her like... next summer or fall.. or april... whenever i get out of school, if i last that long. :P Blah... I'm terrified of going to university. I haven't written an essay for a very, very long time. Sigh.

Whatever. I need to go get dressed. :P Cya.

By the way... when I sleep at home on the weekend, I tend to get like... 11 hours of sleep, like I did last night. mmm.

Oops.

2007-06-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness... Oo, i should go watch Angus. Or Pumpkin. Hmmm... probably won't watch either.

Man, work's starting to get fucking annoying. you know... hearing the same news item twenty billion times... and... stuff... can really start to piss a person off, I guess.

I did a flyer for someone at JOrdan's work. He will be paying me in DS form... as in buying me a new one. Black. Yeah. In July...

Meh. One more thing to add to my portfolio I guess.

I applied to the unversity... and paid my application fee. But I need to send a transcript... boo... sucks, I know. :P

I had a 98 in drafting. I couldn't believe it. I totaly forgot. And was mad at myself for not pursuing it. I still could... but I mean... I already paid the 90 bucks. So maybe later? Fucker. :P

Jordan wants to quit cuz they still haven't given him the new job they said he had. He's pissed about that. I would be too. Like... fuck. Don't offer the job AND hire someone for it if you're not ready to have it there... or don't even want it there. (It's going to cost them too much). Whatever. Um... hmm...

Holy, I'm tired. Trying to finish up laundry.

Apparently Jordan doesn't want to spend Tuesdays or Thursdays with me because he doesn't want to get sick of me. Jerk. If you keep leaving me on my own, I'll get sick of you. I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm starting to revert to my old ways where I only left the house for... absolutely necessary reasons. :P I do want to start you know... getting back into that shit though, so this is a good thing. It's good.

Yep. good. :P

Know what'd be hilarious? If I didn't get into the U of S. Yeah. Real funny... gawd, I'd feel so stupid. Cuz that would suck. Cuz they let everyone in. I'm serious. Everyone. Anyway... I'm gonna go... does some shiznits.

2007-06-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

Jordan had a bad day... so... I didn't mention what we both (hopefully) knew. :P... however, I did buy him pizza for supper and he's getting me quino's tomorrow. mmm. yay. Quizno's. So tasty.

Anyway... he was pretty much falling asleep when I left. So yeah. Poor guy... oh well.

It was a long day for everyone I think... whatever.

I... should play some more elebits. Sometime. What I should really do right now is work more on that flyer that I started only earlier today. Yeah. Okay.

Gawd, I don't want to go to work tomorrow... sigh.

random notes... thoughts... whatever...

2007-06-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

First of all... I can't really figure out how to apply to university, and I'm not normally one to ask for help, so this process will take a while.

Second of all... Wednesday will be 6 months. This is somewhat a big deal to me, but I have no idea what Jordan thinks of it. He thinks we spend way too much time together, and I would have to agree. But I like it. I think he might be planning on breaking up with me, but... that's actually quite doubtful. I'm just paranoid like that.

I don't think that's how he rolls.

He's more of a ... three year guy and waits for her to break up with him. I guess? I don't know. I won't speculate any further.

I'm trying to work on a flyer for one of Jordan's coworkers... but it's just... not coming together at all. I have no idea how to do this.

I applied for a job typesetting flyers today. I really want it. It's three bucks more than I make now. And that would rock. Hardcore. Totally.

Yeah. I've decided I'm going to stop buying things. I'm glad I won't see Jordan tomorrow, cuz then I don't have to eat. I know it's horrible, but he asked how I had lost the weight the first time and that was how, I'm pretty sure. I did not eat at regular intervals. And I don't want to. I'm anorexic. But I know it. So... it's okay? Except not at all. I just need to eat healthier. That's all. But it's so hard with ice cream in the world. And summer right around the corner... sigh. Summer.

Hmph. Toooooo hot. I need more shirts that fit. But I wanna lose a few pounds before I shop again. I can't find the black shirt I bought. I think my mother stole it. And traded me a crappy shirt for it. Or something. Crazy woman. :P

Oh, wes bought a jetta. It's super fucking sweet and I am so damn jealous.

And (hopefully) I'm going to see mandy's new apartment tomorrow. If she answers her phone this time... meh.

So yeah... I guess 6 months isn't a big deal. I think it is... but... I g uess for someone who's been in so many relationships, you get used to it. But whatever. I've never had a boyfriend this long... or... make that a real boyfriend... ever... :P... so... yeah. Big deal to me. So if nothing happens on Wednesday, I may be a bit upset. But not terribly... but I will be sure to discuss a few things with him. Treat me like a princess, damn it! I'm kidding. :P Kidding. Seriously though. :P Kidding.

When boredom sets in...

2007-05-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

I got bored and needed to take my mind off things. Lucky for me, photoshop is good at that. :P

I really like these and I'm not sure why... oh well.

The declaration. Hehe.

2007-05-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

As I was almost asleep, Jordan hugged me and said, "I love you so deeply, Katy."

"What?"

"I love you so deeply, Katy."

I totally swooned and obviously totally heard him the first time, I just wanted to hear it again. :P ...Plus I thought I was dreaming... heh.

And then I said I love you too. I wanted to say back what he said, because I've wanted to say those exact... well... substitute Jordan for Katy... words for so long now. Yeah...

Sigh.

He's really great and we're working on the you know... communication thing.

I'm somewhat determined to get skinny-ish... or at least lose 20 pounds... ha... by the time I have to go meet his family in July. I don't think that's going to happen unless a miracle takes place. Oh well.

I just... need to stop eating bad things. Yep. And that's about it. Oh right, and exercise. Yeah. That.

Happy birthday mother. :P

2007-05-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

university may be on the horizon for me. Exciting stuff... i just don't think i have a future as a graphic designer where i live now and I'm not ready to move. And it always helps to have a BA in... something. No idea what I'll take. No math though. Absolutely none. So... no becoming an architect for me. Ah... a dream from my youth... young, naive Katy. Who'm I kidding? I'm still both those things. Kind of. I'm getting old... sigh. Ah well. So yeah. I dunno.

2007-05-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

All right... so we all know I'm kinda stupid sometimes... but this... was a big one.

I tried cooking a frozen lasagna last night.... and... of course I can't really read, so I put it at the wrong temperature... for almost an hour and a half... it had 6 minutes left when I figured it out.

Yeah. It was 7 when I figured it out and we were hungry. And I'm BIG retard. Huge.

So I bought him dinner. Cuz I'm a bit retard.

I'm gonna try again tonight... I know that my oven is Fahrenheit now. God, I'm an idiot. He laughed... I just felt really, really stupid. Oh well. It's fine. I just... learned my lesson. Must read way more carefully. Yeah. Anyway... here's a video I enjoyed, but also kinda freaked me out... :P

This guy's awesome by the way...

Haha. I watched it you know... that day I was all upset. Tuesday, I guess. Bleh.

2007-05-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, overreacting is fun and stuff, but I do it too often. :P

Although my last post was definitely all what I was feeling when I wrote it... I kind of regret some of it. I mean... like... it is true, he doesn't listen to me some of the time. But I love just hanging out with him, you know?...

Maybe you don't... I don't even know. Whatever. Dunno if I'm going to see him tonight or not.

I think that mostly depends on whether my brother is going to be dropping off guitar hero. :P

Fuck, that game is neat. And hard on my fingers. Heh. Ah well...

I have to burn a cd for wesley now, whom I have not talked to much in the past month. And he's leaving for the summer, so I like... wnana... not have him "break up" with me. :P

Anyway... just a note. I will never be able to own or operate a firearm. Because I will bust a cap in so many people's faces, it wouldn't even be funny.

Oh the days go by... still... more slowly than the last.

I had to write too much about the RCMP Heritage Centre today. I kinda wanted to go, but not after Costa Maragos took me on a tour and totally ruined the only thing I might have liked. Aside from the you know, learning stuff... but whatever. Gotta love Costa. And I do. And I'm gonna shut up now. My arm started really hurting at work... and fuck, I need to bring my own earphones in case of a tv transcript. Cuz... ugh, those headphones piss me off. The cord is too short and is on the wrong side. It sucks. Yep. Alright. that's enough.

2007-05-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

"No man is worth your tears and the one that is... won't make you cry."

I heard that quote a long, long time ago, but it's stuck with me. And I think about it every time he makes me cry. And I wonder whether this is actually working. Because honestly, I have no idea.

He never listens to me. He thinks he knows what I'm going to say, but in reality, he has no idea.

I don't want to break up with him. Ever. He's going to crack one day though and break up with me. It's going to be great.... except not at all. You know... fuck him. Fuck him in his stupid, know-it-all big giant fat jerky ass. FUCK. Why am I so upset? I don't know.

I forget.

All because I was too quiet, because I didn't want to tell him that I had a pap test today, but was kind of dying to tell him. But not at all. You know? Like... he wants me to tell him everything... or almost... but I can't. It's really none of his business. You know what I mean?

I hate this. I hate it that he won't listen to me. Or that he just won't let me be me. I always have to be happy katy, but he needs to understand I'm more than that. Obviously. He knows I have more dimension, but he just doesn't like them. He can't even put up with them. And if he can't.. then... maybe it's just... I don't know. Not meant to be. He's such an asshole sometimes. Like, really. But I mean, who isn't? I am a gigantic one a lot of the time. But I don't think I make him cry.

But I've decided that I'm not driving him around anymore. If he wants to go out for supper and then split, he can drive his damn self. Especially when gas is at you know, a buck twenty-six a fucking litre. Fuck that shit. Fuck it big time. GAWD.

I'm so fucking frustrated and I hate it. I hate how he just... I dunno.

I guess I want him to just sit back and take everything I throw. I should have known no one would put up with that. It's ridiculous to even think that. But... again... it's me. Katy the almighty moron of life.

I think we both just need more sleep.

2007-05-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Damn these damn car commercials and their playing of neat folkish music... which i adore.

Damn them to hell.

Indeed.

Anyway...

So yeah... this one's from a chevy commercial... forget which car. But yeah. It's by Ingrid Michaelson. Called 'The Way I am'. It's so good. And i can't stop listening to it.

It sounds like some other stuff I listen to, but I can't place my finger on it. :P

YAY HOLIDAY MONDAY! So stoked. Going golfing with my dad and brother. Jordan can't come cuz... well he could... but he can't golf anyway cuz of his shoulder... ah, that accident. Yeah. Alrighty... maybe I'll go phone him... before I make myself insane with this song. :P Which'll never happen. Teehee...

2007-05-16T22:11:00.000-07:00

Oops. Almost a week, eh? I've been kind of busy tending to my injured boyfriend. Whom I've not been all that nice to cuz I miss that mazda. :P... I mean missed. I'm... "over it" now. Except... I dunno. Whatever. I've been a bitch, and he's been one back. Not cool. Anyway.

Jordan got a new car.

I still have a job.

My dog's going into some kind of physiotherapy. Hehehe. He wears a lifejacket and goes in water. His leg got screwed up last year and they did surgery on it twice, but he still won't walk on it. And yeah.

Hmm, what else?...

Oh. I found out today my dad edited another book. The launch is tomorrow. how could I not have known before? good question. I don't know. :P Guess I gotta ask like every seven years, so uh... writing another book? Yeesh. :P Yeah. I'm going to the launch. It's not about anything I'm too terribly interested, but it's stuff he knows. and that's cool... I guess.

Um. Holy crap, I love Medium. :P I think I'm like the only person who watches it though. Heroes is becoming the biggest soap opera ever. It's a little annoying. I really need to go to bed like now, but I must wait for laundry. Sheesh. Umm... hmm.

And I've decided I'm going to stop eating so much. Ever since I started going out with Jordan I gained back that 15 pounds. It's awful. We're both gonna try to lose wait. Yeah, you can do it by yourself buddy. I don't like workout buddies. I like to do that in my basement with my helpful dvd. :P Haha. Oh that woman... anyway, I'm getting into it too much here. Here's a picture of his new car. it's so cute. It and my car are totally gonna be best friends. Oh, and I think Jordan and I are probably going to move in together in September, cuz it's pretty much the most convenient. I dunno. We'll see though.

2007-05-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

The Victim:

The Murderer (Well... her totaled car at least...):

I'm very glad everyone is okayish. I mean... Jordan has a broken collar bone. Well. cracked. But it will break. Sigh. And his friend Mike... who was driving... has some neck muscle damage and is supposed to wear a neck brace. And yeah. So my boyfriend is out of a car. So... plans to move might have to wait til he get another one. Goddamn it, hey? That car and I had fond memories. there are more pictures... but... it's just so sad. :( I told my dad... he was a little upset... cuz I mean... that car's been in our family for a while. :P But yeah... I didn't go to work today. I am tomorrow though. I should go... do stuff... and junk. yeah.

2007-05-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

Jordan + car accident = worried the hell out katy... and stressed. Not cool.

He's apparently fine, but his leg hurts. However, he did not know how his friend was doing. He was noxious and dizzy after the accident. i suspect he hit his head on the window. I am freaking out slightly. As I was dropping mandy off, it suddenly just hit me what happened to him and i started bawling. And he just sent me a cryptic little text message that said: hospital, on bell phones allowed.

Like... what?! Can you not use your cell? So get to the payphone and fuckin phone me. Silly. Seriously... I dunno if I'll go to work tomorrow. I'm really worried... but... everything will probably be fine......

2007-05-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

My horoscope today:

And many happy returns! Oh, wait -- it's not your birthday? Then why is there a party going on, and always in your vicinity? Ah, now it becomes clear: Those lucky stars are all just dancing in your sector of the heavens.

It's weird, cuz Amy's going away party is tonight. She's going to Malaysia for a month... yeah same girl I was supposed to go to NZ with... :P But chickened out... yeah. Her. I love her, but ever since I said I changed my mind, we haven't been as good of friends. It sucks. I haven't been a good friend to any of my friends lately, actually.

Like I realize that and I am going to try and fix it. Jessica and I will be good in the summer, cuz she'll come sailing with me... hopefully. She's the only one who knows how. And I'll take Mandy and Ian up... cuz they wanna go back... so... it'll be good. And maybe I'll actually take Wesley sailing this time. :P We didn't last year. Went up a couple times but it was always too windy. :P Haha. Aw...

Wannabe Mountains

2007-04-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

This morning was weird. I woke up... when my alarm went. Strange, yes. But there's more. :P I looked out the window... and the clouds were so dark they looked like mountains. Cuz closer clouds (and puffier and whiter) were moving quickly in front. Dark ones weren't moving like at all... or at least super slow. Anyway.. I went down and got my camera. :P Cuz I was like this is really weird and neat... And it was you know... 5:30 in the morning. So I took pictures. And then I went and told my mom and made her get out of bed to see. She wasn't that impressed. But I was. And that's all that matters. Just so you know, where I live. It's totally flat. With hills... in the south, but I'm not exactly near those. :P

I just realized... if I wanted to be annoying, I could start making my 'a's like this 'å/Å' and my 't's like this '†'. Weird. I'm trying attempting to make Jordan a mixed tape for his car... and then I found Thriller on tape... thinking I'll let him borrow that... cuz... well when I first met him, he told me it was illegal in some countries to not own the Thriller album. I believed him for the tiniest split second. :P Yeah, I'm an idiot.

2007-04-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

She emailed me today and said she hired someone with more experience in the printing end of things. Meh. That's cool. I guess. Haha. No, really... I'm good with the job I have now, and I would have felt sooo bad if I had quit already... cuz... yeah. I dunno. It's really not that bad. Plus, I have such little contact with humans... it's great! It really is... I told her I would have been okay with the customer helping end of things, but really... I'm not sure. :P I think she could sense that tooo. haha. I'm a big liar.

I hate interviews. but I'm somewhat relieved I didn't get it. Not ready for that kinda work, just yet I don't think. I dunno. I'm thinking of taking another course... perhaps one for AutoCAD... so it'll actually be true. though i do vaguely remember the program... I mean I took it for four years in high school, it can't all be gone... but... still. :P

2007-04-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

Omg, almost a week. I'm a jerk.

Anyway...

She must have liked what she saw, or had few applicants... I have an interview on wednesday. I spent the weekend buying new clothes. With the help of my fashionable boyfriend Jordan. :P I hate that. :P Haha. Although, reaffirmation is nice when you're not sure if pants look good on you or not... bleh. Hate pants shopping. Shirt shopping I'm okay at... not pants though. Anyway... spent a lot of money. But that's okay, cuz I have a job... that pays me! It's super. :P

But yeah... when I look at the thing I posted in my last entry I'm all... wow... I'm kinda good. :P I should do more shit like that and build an even better portfolio. Meh. I really want that job. Sigh.

I framed two more calendar pictures. They're old movie posters. They look really good. I have too many pictures.

I want to move out. In with Jordan. Pretty badly, actually. My mother turned her nose up at pretty much everything I bought... But it doesn't matter what she thinks. But... it's annoying. She's just jealous at my youngness. :P er... youth.

Haha.

Whatevah. Shower time, and then bed time. So freakin' tired. :(

but first. Jordan's trying to convince me to buy a 42 inch plasma tv on sale at where else... wal mart. :P I hate how he can talk me into almost anything... it sucks. :P I've always been that way... with pretty much everyone. I try to make people happy. And hopefully I'll never go broke because of it. :P By the way, the tv would be staying at his house. But I would own it... so if we ever did break up (god forbid, haha)... it'd still be mine. Obviously. Just like with the tv he has in his house now. Still hasn't paid me back. He will. he will. I'm letting him build up his money first. He did just move... But yeah. Shower. cya.

Sigh... I hope she likes them.

2007-04-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

So this is what I just sent Cindy Moleski. *raises eyebrows repeatedly*

Eh? Ugly? Awful? ... beautiful?

I like 3 of them. :) And the other's concept... with Lorelie... from Gilmore Girls. I just... didn't execute it that well. Ah well.

Of course, I sent them to her seperately... layers intact as she requested. :P Hehe. God, I hope she likes them... and thinks I'm awesome. Bah...

Now, honestly...

2007-04-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

I have a question.

Is it possible to have too many pictures?...

... truthfully... too many? :P

By the way, they all surround my desk... it's inspiring. Except not at all, cuz I still haven't started on that possibly prize winning cover entry, damn it. Must start. Must win! :P It'd just be nice to win, cuz that might be like... the push. needed. Needed. :P

2007-04-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

Your ability to learn new things is one of the great things about your current situation. Who knew that you'd be so good with the accordion? Or how much you'd like belly dancing? Learning is expanding.

That was my horoscope today. Yeah. Freaky. I was playing the accordion yesterday... showed my mom I could play Blowin' in the wind. Hahahaha. She was like... right...

On a side note... work kinda sucked today. Just... cuz.

2007-04-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

4 months today. It seems a lot longer than a third of a year... :P

It is a long time. Geez.

Anyway... I'm picking him up some mcnuggets :P cuz I'm nice like that. And I'm home because I needed to check my email. Heh... yeah... off I go I guess. I've been home almost an hour :P. I suck. Hahahaha. Oh computer... I love you.

Oh, love's gonna get you down...

2007-04-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that at work... I had come across, while I was doing a transcript... or logging... whatever... listening to the radio station in moose jaw... and I came across the song that goes like... Honey doo doo doo doo doo doo sugar doo doo doo doo doo doo... and I still know when it was at. I got back there ever now and then when I have a moment and need a song. :P

I love that song. I think it's one of my favourites, actually.

I listened to it twice today. :P

It makes me smile, and totally reminds me of Shawna... when we were walking in downtown Dalmeny to the store or something... we were like 10 and she started singing it... and I was like... you're weird. :P

Good times...

Friday is four months since we started going out. That's so fucked up. :P

Especially cuz I almost kicked him out of my car yesterday... he was pissing me... well... we were pissing each other off... you know when people just pick and pick at you... until you 'splode? :P Yeah. That's what we were doing. Anyway, I just asked him to stop and I would too. And that worked fine. I guess... blah. For some reason everything is still always my fault... I will fix that though. I managed to point that one thing out that one time... that was nice... :P

... I wish that would happen again... or that I was more... um... better with words.

I finally watched Happy Feet. It was weird, but soooo cute and I kept screaming at parts.... cuz... gawd, whales are assholes... :P it was so cute though... almost made me cry. Almost. Yeah...

Oh, I need to start on this thing... there's always the Fringe Festival here... it's where they have a bunch of plays for a week and ... well... it's basically for hippies :P but they're having a contest for a design of the ad in the paper. So I'm gonna try to make one. Cuz you win like 10 play passes... and they're so expensive and not usually worth even the ... it was once 5 bucks... but... yeah. :P But it'd be nice to see em for free... and have a byline in the paper! :P Haha. Meh. I have to come up with something first though. Yeah. Alrighty... I guess that's it.

Katy's in love and it scares her still...

2007-04-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

I'm talking to Wesley on msn... and he asked me if it was wrong that he wants to be in love with someone older than him... and i was like... how old?... and he was like... not 40... and I'm like... whoa. And I wanted to say yes wesley... very wrong. And then I remembered how I didn't really want to go out with Jordan at first cuz he was... you know... five years older. But then I fell in love with him... so that's what I told Wesley, I told him... I dunno... I think sometimes you can't really help who you love, wesley...

and it turned out to be exactly what he wanted to hear. :P

And then I realized I've turned into a complete sap. A huge sap.

I want to live with Jordan. I hate leaving him to come home... I really do. I just want to hug him... sigh.

Yep. Sap. Sheesh...

Only a few months... maybe... I need him to pay me back before I can live with him though. :P And he just moved, cuz I told him he could move before he paid me back... cuz I hated his other place. :P So... yeah... ah well.

I dunno...

I'm so back into pop music. Scary.

2007-03-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

Oh, and when I got home from work, my mother was home, cuz she had the day off... so we went shopping. I somehow managed to get her to buy Happy Feet, a movie neither of us have seen, and as she was contemplating, a man who just came into the store leaned next to her and was like, that's a good movie! I watched it last night and I cried. And then he walked away. It was pretty hilarious... I think...? Haha.

And I got her to buy me sunchips. mistake. I have no self-control. oh well... they were tasty. Well, it's not like I ate ALL of them... just... almost. :P But yeah, she was being all nice and stuff... probably cuz she never sees me anymore and wants to treasure the time I do spend with her. ha. Aw... :P

I could be hurtful, I could be purple

2007-03-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was listening to the radio on my way home from work, and I heard the catchiest, poppiest song I've heard in a while. I'm hooked now... I even went to Futureshop today to try and find the album. No luck, but... I think I'll just obtain the songs some other way... I did want to buy it... maybe I'll still go to the mall... dang, I should have gone to zellers... heh, who am I kidding, they wouldn't have it either. Blah... oh well...

Anyway, the song is called Grace Kelly by Mika. Addictive... and sickeningly poppy. But I love it when people sing really high. :P Yeah... play it again, Frank.

2007-03-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

That guy at the graphic design place did call on friday... but of course I was on the road... going to winnipeg... which kind of sucked... cuz... it's winnipeg. Ew. :P I had never been there and do not wish to return.

Anyway... so I have an interview with him tomorrow at 4. I'm a little nervous, cuz I think I'm probably too shy to work in that type of... he said it was a very social based business or something like that... I dunno. Katy doesn't really like people though... :P

But yeah. If I did get the job, that'd be neat, but I don't think I will just because of what I stated in the above paragraph. :P

Plus, I really like the job I just got... I don't have to deal with anyone, ever! Ah! It rocks. :P And I looove getting off at 230. It's sweet.

omg, I had a quizno's sub for the first time today. So delicious. Mmm.

That's about it.

2007-03-22T19:02:00.000-07:00

So... you should all go look at my other blog here because I added stuff. Stuff I did today to send to that guy who was advertising for the graphic design job like 3 weeks ago... cuz he asked me to send him some stuff... so I had to make some... somewhat representative things. I guess.

Work was okay today... I dunno.

Jordan and I are going to Winnipeg tomorrow. Staying overnight, coming back saturday. Hopefully we don't die. :P

I guess that's it.

work and junk

2007-03-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Work is good... but today I screwed up one of the transcripts, cuz I didn't know how to deal with VOX POP. Gah. :P But they told me and I fixed it...

but he says I'm doing well.

But... do you know how... annoying it gets when you have to write down what stupid teengers say? And they're all excited and you can't really decipher what it is they're saying? And they're all shouting at once? :P Yeah... that sucked. But I got to hear several time today (about 20), about the stabbing at my old high school yesterday. Good stuff... except... not at all... annoying.

I heard a brief clip of something that happened in the states and how some boy killed a little boy... like his whole family killed the kid or somethign? I should look that up... it sounded interesting. Horrible, but interesting. I'm sick of Saskatchewan news. :P

I know so much about what's going on now... before I was absolutely oblivious... sadly, not anymore. Shame, really... :P Yay, two more days til the weekend! :P

Jordan wanted me to go to Winnipeg with him on Friday... like tell work I had an appointment or something... in other words lie to my new employers, and I was like fuck no.

Plus, I realized today, that the provincial budget comes out on Thursday, and so Friday's gonna be fuckin' ass busy. Thursday too, probably. Wait, that's tomorrow. Dang... :P Anyway, I'm gonna go have a nap.

OMG, it snowed this morning. It was so lame. It's all pretty much gone now... but I mean... first day of spring my ass. :P

I found it... the news story... here ...all I can say is ew. I shouldn't have read that. :P

The Puzzle was completed on Saturday

2007-03-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Mom and I finished the puzzle on Saturday. We framed it today... it was still sticky with spray adhesive. :P Went a little happy with it, I guess.

On another note, first day of work was good. Not too stressful and not very boring. I think I might like starting work really early and getting off at 230. Woo. It'll be nice in the summer... oh baby. :P

Employed. Cha-ching. :P

2007-03-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

I got a job today. It's a typing job... like transcripts and stuff... or something. Yeah... so... that's good. Now I'm gonna go to the store and buy some cookies. :P If they're still cheap. They were like a buck when I saw them. Maybe that was just the one store by Jordan's house. Oh well. So yeah. My mom's happy I got a job. :P So am I. I suppose... :P Well... I could use the money. For... stuff? Heh. Whatever. Yay.

2007-03-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

Jordan got frostbite on his ears last night... he didn't go to work today. We spent the day together. It was really fun...

We went a bunch of places looking for furniture for his new place. I love him so much... :P

He bought me breakfast this morning... and lunch... and a card reader and a chocolate bar. Sheesh. So he really isn't cheap... he was just poor. He got paid today. :P

About me? Well... I'm a pro at bowling now on my wii sports. I rock. :P And I was playing baseball against the computer and got like 4 home runs... won 6-3. I fuckin love my wii. And I put some pictures on my sd card and watched a slideshow of them on the wii with a bnl soundtrack. Although it's a bit sad that you can't just make it play songs down the list... or make it repeat. It just repeats. Oh well... it's not very big so I didn't expect that I'd be able to copy my music onto it... although... maybe it does? I need to start reading manuals... but I don't think it does. Oh well. I still love mah wii! :D

Oh, and he bought me a sweater. What a sweetie. :P

2007-03-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

I think I'm missing a piece in that puzzle. Probably not... but... blah. Mandy still hasn't phoned me... I have no idea if she's coming over or not.

Jordan sent me a text message that just read You're beautiful.

Aw geez... what a wiener. :P I swooned... of course.

I need to clean up around my computer... it's quite a mess.

I also need a job.

I also want to make another stop motion video but can't come up with a concept... sigh. Oh well...

First things first... puzzle. And wait for mandy to phone me. :P I seriously fucking hate that puzzle so so much. I'm never doing another puzzle ever. Unless it has gigantic pieces and there are only 10 of them. :P... speaking of which I have one. I should go do that to build up my self-esteem. :P Yes. I think I will. Haha.

Ugh...

2007-03-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night, while at Jordan's... I received an invite to Myspace from that chick that's like obsessed with him... or something. Creepy. Jordan also got one. He told me to delete it. Like... right then. So I did... of course looked at it later, cuz I mean... fuck you guy, you're not my boss. If she wants to drag me into this then by all means I will totally play along. :P I have no life...

I'm still not done the puzzle... Mandy's coming over today. Eep. :P I need to go to the store and get her some chocolate...

But yeah. I'm trying not to think about the creepy girl. Who is, by the way, about 20 times creepier than I ever have been... or will be... or am.

Song no. 6 by Ane Brun

2007-03-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on a Ford Edge commercial sometime this morning, and it was in my head all day. Finally found it. :P For some reason I can't get enough of it... by the way, Ron Sexsmith is awesome. He's in it. I always wanted one of his cds... but... didn't know which one to pick. :P

2007-03-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

You scored 63% Intimate!
51-75 Percent:

You crave psychological intimacy, are interested in people, their feelings and their motivation and need them to be interested in you. There aren't too many out there now that care about the feelings of others, this makes you unique. You are possibly still rather young and heavily dependent on a protective family or partner. Your need to explore and expose yourself makes you vulnerable. It may be because you feel less secure at the moment due to a broken relationship, divorce, leaving home or taking exams. Your score could suggest insecurity and knocks from an unkind world: you may have started to develop scar tissue to ward off further rejection or hurt. You are good company for children or others interested in the inner world of emotions. You are friendly and usually very accepting of others. But those tuned into ideas, facts, issues and the outside world may accuse you of being rather subjective.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 21% on Intimate

Link: The How Intimate Are You Test written by notnormalnaomi on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

2007-03-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

So... last night Jordan let me know that the girl who liked him before tried to get him to go out with him this week. He told her no, and blocked and deleted her from msn. She then sent him an angry email and he replied saying if she tries to contact him again he's phoning the police.

So... yeah. He loves me. Though I was a little upset about that tale...heh... I dunno... I don't ever want to have to fight for him... that sounds awful, and if it came down to it, I think I'd rather just cry. Which sounds so wimpy and lame. And hopefully untrue. I do love him a lot. And apparently he loves me as well. I would fight for him...

He made me a copy of my favourite Barenaked Ladies album on cd... which I only own on tape and therefore couldn't listen to in my car. :)

He's sweet. I almost cried...

I'm such a weirdo.

And no, I'm still not done that puzzle... although I think about... you know... 8 more uninterrupted hours might do it... though I can't be sure. Haha. I fuckin hate this puzzle. :P

2007-03-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

I hate that puzzle.

I really do...

Ha. It's so hard! Gah!

...anyway... job fair today. I applied for some jobs. Maybe I'll get one...

I'd really like one...

I also found a job on the job site I check everyday for a graphic designer... applied! Duh! :P But uh... he won't be making a decision for a few weeks. Like.. near the end of march. Bah. But it'd be so fucking awesome if I got it... sigh. Gettin' my hopes up... :P But it's about time something decent happened again.. heh.

However, he did email me back to say he got my resume, and that he will definitely be in touch. Definitely. :P Also... the amount of pay was staggering... it wasn't supposed to be mentioned in the ad, but it was... and holy shit... that's an insanely assloadic amount. Haha. 30 bucks per billable hour. I want it. :P But probably won't get it because... well just because of that. :P Anyway... I should go work on that fucking puzzle.

Oh... before I go... I signed onto msn while at Jordan's, and wesley was online... and I'm all so my mom told me you've been trying to get a hold of me. And he's like yeah, how come you're never home anymore? And I'm like... I haven't been home for like 3 months. :P And he's all... well don't forget you have a friend that wants to hang out with you.

No wesley... you want a friend that will be there for you anytime YOU want. That's not me anymore... I finally got a life. Sheesh... so I told him if he wants to hang out he can phone my cell. And he's like... no one knows your cell number.

That's cuz none of my friends ever try to get a hold of me unless they need something. ... it's true. Anyway, so I gave it to him. And now he can't say he doesn't have it.

What a jerk... that ate at me like all night... He wants a lonely friend. Which is no longer me. I never blow my friends off, like Mandy does to me frequently... everytime we're gonna hang out "something" always comes up. Whatever. So I'm not gonna sit around all night waiting for one of them to phone me when I have an awesome boyfriend who loves spending time with me and I with him. Anyway... that's all I have to say... and that's why I had posted that other day about worrying whether my friends would be there... because they're ... hmm... a tad self-centred. But... aren't we all? :P Whatevs...

3 months and a puzzle

2007-03-06T20:16:00.000-08:00

Today is 3 months. Intense. :P

I'm trying to finish Mandy's puzzle for her bday on Sunday. It might happen... I should take a picture and post it. It's the hardest puzzle ever. I swear.

In the meantime while I upload it to my computer...

Jordan bought me dinner tonight... granted it was a chicken sandwich meal (today's special) from burger king. :P But delicious nonetheless. Heh.

*Ha... the process of importing might have been a lot quicker had I had the usb in the computer... sheesh...*

And here is what it's supposed to look like... (ALL THE PIECES LEFT ARE THE SAME!!!):

2007-03-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

I'm almost almost excited for Thursday's job fair. :P

Only because I very well may get a job out of it.

Hooray.

And if I don't... it'll be surprising... because I believe when desperate employers attend an event to seek desperate potential employees... the only outcome that can be attained is employment. :P For EVERyONe! :P Especially me. By a not crappy place. Bah...

Oh... and I figure I'll move in with Jordan only after he pays me back for the ps3 etc. Yeah... But... that was kind of assumed... indeed...

I was all weird again last night... and when I'm depressed he gets depressed. That's the only thing I don't like about hanging around someone all the time. I rub off on them... or... you know... my mood... and feel bad about it. Whatever...

2007-03-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I worry that because I spend pretty much all my time with Jordan, that I'll lose my friends. And if we ever break up... I'll have no friends. :P Cuz they'll all hate me. Heh... awful, isn't it? But I'm sure they understand that he's my first love and all... and... I honestly can't get enough of him. Ha. Well... that's not totally true. I can and have gotten enough of him a few times. I mean... he can get on my nerves, but who can't?

:P

Anyway... I have to apply for jobs tomorrow... and possibly go to the doctor or... health ... place... beh. Whatever. We'll see... :P